Take Another Step

I’m sitting on my sister’s bed typing at the moment. She’s watching a video on facial peels, Jenn’s watching a documentary in her bed. And all I can do is silently grieve.

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly excited to move forward towards marrying Andrew in just 3 weeks from today. I am thrilled to pieces to be starting this next chapter of life with my HUSBAND in our little house we’re soon going to call home. (I worried that our engagement was too short, but it feels like it has been dragging on for ions!) Yet, there’s a piece of me that is grieving. These girls are my family. I won't get to see them every day like I have for a long time. 

Change has and will never be easy for me. I don’t think it is for a lot of people, but I think it’s harder for some than for others. In some way, we can grieve because we’ve enjoyed the times we’ve had in the past, and we don’t want them to end. We’ve had wonderful memories with people we love, and we tend to take those for granted. And as I’m sitting on my sister’s bed two nights before she and Jenn move out of this apartment into their own, I’m bracing for impact; everything will change in the next few weeks. They’ll move out Monday evening (and also gradually transporting things throughout the week), I’ll move out next Saturday, Andrew will move out of his place the next Saturday and into our new home, and the next week we’ll be MARRIED. Oh my word.

I’ve already had to deal with an incredible amount of change recently, in preparing for this new shift in life. Andrew and I have been learning a lot in our premarital counseling, we’re learning how to put the other first, learning how to live with each others’ habits and quirks, and our likes/dislikes. Friends are gradually growing apart, from me and each other, onto their own new stages of life. There is an ever-growing mountain of moving boxes in our living room and in my bedroom… I will be bound in marriage to one person the rest of my life. I’m not going to rely on my parents for things anymore, or anyone else but my husband. I’m planning a wedding, and all of the nitty gritty details that go with it in the last month or so. I’m attempting to take care of myself by putting myself on a diet of portion control. I’m making all of these decisions and yet I still find myself no more in control than a puppy on a leash.

These are all good things I’m involved in and doing. However, the closer the wedding approaches, the more I find myself wanting to slam on the brake pedal and slooooowww dowwwwnn.

For not liking change at all, I’m sure getting a lot of it recently.

Change brings growth. Change is beautiful, at least it can be. Change is inevitable. So why do I resist it so much?

I grow too comfortable with where I am. We all cling to what is comfortable, because we don’t have to work at it. No pain, no gain is the old saying that definitely means something. There is no growth where there is no change.

Why do I still cling to the comfortable things, kicking and screaming, if I know this? Because I am flawed, I am human. We only know what we’ve experienced. We don’t naturally trust in anything we haven’t done or experienced before. I keep thinking of the quote by C.S. Lewis:

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

If there were no change, there would be no changing of the seasons. There would be no new life. There would be no way of gaining salvation. There would be no way to spend sweet eternity with our heavenly Father.

Even though change is hard, I have to keep going. I just have to "take another step" as the Steven Curtis Chapman song encourages us to do.

Hopefully in the next few weeks, I'll have as few breakdowns as possible... Here's to the new stage of life that Andrew and I am about to leap into as husband and wife!

When You Love Someone...

(I will warn you, this is a longer post, one that I hope you will enjoy reading, but it is a bit lengthy, so bear with me.)

It's amazing how God works most of the time. It seems as though the moment you give up on something you had hoped and dreamed for, He opens the door, or brings something even better to you. I can only imagine what our Lord would be doing up in the heavens, perhaps chuckling to Himself saying, "Oh my child, you have no idea the bounty of blessings I have in store for you..."

I had reached this point of bitterness and hopelessness this time last year. I had given up on being in love happening for a long time, if ever, with a bad ending to a previous relationship just months before.

It was a few months previous to graduating college that I met Andrew.

I don't even remember the exact moment we met. He had just moved into town from an hour south of Chicago at the end of October, because of a job opportunity that he had taken with the health department down here. He had family that went to the same church as my family and me, so I'm assuming he came with them. He was quiet those first few times, and maybe that's why I don't remember much of meeting him. All I can remember was before the worship service on one of those first few Sundays, he came to sit next to me and commented, "Yay, I get to sit next to the music major that can actually sing!" (He claims he said some discouraging things to me about finding a job after college, but I never remembered him ever saying that.)

I didn't think much about him really, to be honest. I was focused on graduating college in December that I barely had time to think about anything else. When January came, I thought to myself, "I should start getting more involved in my church," also at the encouragement of my mentor, Michelle. Our college & career group had decided to meet together once a week at Denny's on Thursday evenings to discuss the previous Sunday's sermon. Unfortunately for me, I worked on Thursday nights so I wasn't able to attend the first few meetings. After some convincing, we switched it to Friday nights so I would be able to come. My first time going was actually the meeting where I lead the discussion. The previous Sunday's sermon was on purity, and it was a topic I thoroughly enjoyed discussing. I had asked Andrew casually after church that Sunday what format of discussion they had been doing, and if I would be able to lead the discussion that Friday night. He nodded and added, "Hey, let's Skype Tuesday night, I'll be out of town, but I'll be free that evening to discuss what we've been doing so far." Skyping about leading discussion eventually led to another hour or two talking about life, beliefs, and more about who we were. Even at that point, I had no idea he had started to take an interest in me. He wasn't on my radar at all, so I didn't really pay attention.

Thus, it was a complete surprise to me when he asked me out in the Denny's parking lot the week before Valentine's day. I sat in my car for a minute after we parted ways, taking in everything. "Did that really just happen?" I kept saying to myself over and over again...

He had everything planned to a T for our date the next Friday evening. But when we reached our destination, it was not what he had planned and we ended up yelling at each other over the loud music and left with grumbling tummies. I was relieved when I realized that we were being spontaneous, making things up as we went. It made things less formal and more relaxing for me, and it was easier for me to open up. We ended the night at Mama Carmen's with cups of coffee in hand. As I was relating to him some emotional things I had been through, he reached and grabbed my hand, stroking it with his thumb, with the most tender look in his eyes. It was at that point that I realized that there was more to come with him, that a great adventure was beginning.

And my greatest adventure did begin that night: in a quiet coffee shop, with meaningful conversation.

He proposed to me 10 months later on December 22nd, in front of the Adler Planetarium in Chicago, right by Lake Michigan with the view of the Chicago skyline in the background. It was simple and perfect.

We have had a lot of people comment on the shortness of our engagement (which really is 5 months almost exactly). It's funny, because I've known several others to pull off a wedding in 2 months (bless you to those that can!) We both have been advised that the shorter the engagement, the better, for several reasons: 1. When you know, you know, so why wait? and 2. for the sake of physical/mental purity. We want to honor God with our relationship as much as we can, and purity has always been important to us in our relationship. We want to be able to look back on our dating/engagement days and not only NOT regret things we did, but more importantly be able to glorify and thank God for the work He accomplished in us by enabling us to wait and to grow together in a deeper and more meaningful way in our days leading up to marriage.

I knew I was in love with Andrew only a month after dating him, and not too far after that I realized that he was the one I had been waiting for my whole life, the one I had prayed for, the one I weeped into my pillow at night despairing over.

His patience with me is incredible. I could never deserve him in a million lifetimes. His laughter is infectious, his heart pure gold. His love for the Lord is growing every day (I'm blessed to be able to witness this growth and growing love for God), and his leadership in our relationship is so admirable. He buys me flowers for no reason. He is the best hugger. (I could go on, but we would be here even longer...) He is without a doubt the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Luckily for me, I get to do just that. :)

Andrew Michael Sova, I love you with all my heart. I thank God for you every day, and I cannot wait to marry you in a few months!

The Importance of Art

After semi-slamming the car door shut, I shudder from the chilly air surrounding me. I look up, admiring the black sky and sparkling stars. I sit with a cup of coffee, staring at our little Christmas tree with all the lights and ornaments and things. I take my camera out of its bag to capture the details of nature around me. I get an incredible thrill from sitting in the audience of a choir or instrumental concert (better yet, be in one). I can spend hours journalling or blogging about my life. I craft decorations for my room while sitting on my bed late at night. While blaring my favorite Spotify playlist, I put my canvas on the table, pick up my brush, dip it in the paint, and spend hours gliding on all sorts of colors and textures.

All of that is to say this: I love art. I love beautiful things. I love being creative.

There are times when I struggle with the fact that I'm right-brained. There are times I feel like being an artsy person isn't practical: what's the use in painting? In taking photographs? In designing something? In being an admirer in a museum?

Well, here's some questions: why do some people pay millions of dollars for a painting or piece of art? Why do we buy music? Why do we hire interior decorators to help us with our homes? Why do we love looking at photos of ordinary people or places?

We value things of beauty.

I think it's largely due to the fact that we are created in the image of God. God is the divine Creator, who took care to create everything GOOD. In creating human beings, He called us VERY good. God cares about things of beauty, because He had and continues to have a divine standard for everything He creates. God Himself is good. Because of these characteristics of His, we must possess this aspect of Him also.

God is also a God of logic and order. Things make sense with Him, everything has a meaning. Science, math, etc. are incredibly important to Him because the universe would obviously not run the way it was supposed to if it didn't make sense. (This is my credit to all those left-brainers out there.)

To all my right-brained friends out there, we have been given gifts to appreciate and to make art out of our surroundings. We have an important job to show the world the beauty of God's creation in whatever art form He has gifted us in: music, painting, photography, writing, design, etc. It gives such glory to God. And that is the most important purpose we can have as human beings.

May we never forget that.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

I'm currently sitting on our couch in the apartment, with candles lit, Christmas lights and tree already up and plugged in, laughing at my roommates who are trying to figure out how to use my keurig. Just sitting here, I can already name several things I'm thankful for: awesome roommates, a really nice place to live, the fact that we can celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas as much as we want, even my cup of coffee that I was able to make this morning...

A lot has happened over the past year, all of which I'm thankful for. (I won't go into detail about everything, because you can read about most of it in my previous blog post.) To add to it, though, I have family on both sides that not only love me, but they love each other. We're going to be joined together in just a few hours to share a meal and reflect on blessings. I have made lifelong friends through my church this year, and I've become more involved in serving my church. I've continued in being discipled by our youth pastor's wife, and I grow so much in my faith and walk with the Lord the longer I meet with her. These things have given me the greatest joy I've ever had, because we were made for community, to live alongside of other believers in Christ and serve one another/the Lord as Jesus did while He was on earth (Philippians 2).

I can honestly say that I've never felt so much at peace as I do now in this stage of life. Looking back on how I felt last year about graduating, how I was nervous, not sure where life would take me, not sure if I would be happy or at peace. I had been so comfortable in my life at JBU, and I didn't want to leave it. Looking back at this past year, though, I can truly say that God completely took control of my life, literally handed me two jobs that I love, brought Andrew and I together, caused Jenn to have a wreck on the way home from school so she could come live with us, gave me time to meet with women who I love and respect, and so much more.

Friends, if you ever have any doubt about God being good or sovereign, think again. I have so many awesome stories of His faithfulness under my belt that I LOVE sharing with everyone. He has grown my faith so much this year, and He will carry the good work that He began in me into completion until His return to earth one day. And what a day that will be!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Amen.

Updates on the Life of Lauren

A lot can happen in just 7 months. My life is proof of that.

(I figure I might as well just come here and word-vomit all of the stuff that is currently going on in my life, because a lot has happened since I last updated this thing.)

Since I have graduated college in December, I have been looking for the full time job that would fit me best and would fit the needs I would have for post-college life. I had been working at Massage Envy up in Rogers at the front desk for 7 months, and while I enjoyed it a lot, at the pay I was making, there was no way that I would be able to provide for myself as far as living on my own goes. I also knew it wasn't what I wanted to do long-term. I had applied to several music jobs in surrounding areas and in different states, and nothing really happened with those. However, in February, I got an email from Ecclesia College asking if I would be able to come in for an interview for the Prep program's older choir director. I had assisted my friend Caroline with the choir the previous semester, and I really enjoyed it and got to know the students pretty well. I went in for an interview the next day and got offered the job the day after that! I didn't even have to seek out that job opportunity; it was practically placed in my lap lovingly by my God and Father who knew I had desired a music job. I continued to work for Massage Envy for another 5 months, all the while trying to find a better paying job with better working hours during the week. In June, I had applied to Providence Academy for the elementary music teacher position that was posted on their website. I went in for several interviews and felt really good about them. However, I was told that I would only be working 2 days a week for a few hours those days, but of course I would be lesson planning like crazy in my spare time. The Sunday after the last interview with Providence, a man from my church came up to me and asked if I was looking for a job. I said yes I was, and he offered me the chance to apply for a front desk job: it was secretarial work with one-on-one interaction with each lab of his in the building and with our customers, with an 8-5 M-F work schedule. I was thrilled to hear about it, and I followed through and applied, even interviewed with them all of that week. (Once again, God placed the opportunity in my hands; I've started seeing a pattern here.) On that Friday, I heard from the lab that I was offered the position, and literally 15 minutes after that I was offered the job at Providence. These were two really great opportunities, how could I possibly choose?! I ended up choosing the job at the lab for several reasons (because I'm sure some of you are really confused as to why I wouldn't take the other music job): one, it was a consistent, every week day schedule, and they were willing to work with the fact that I needed to leave early on Thursday afternoons to teach choir at Ecclesia; secondly, it was salary pay and had insurance benefits whereas Providence didn't. If I had gone with the Providence job, I would have to make time to lesson plan for both them AND Ecclesia every week, as well as plan for AWANA music at church (of which I had also committed my time to on Sunday afternoons). That would have been a lot of music to plan for! I would have also had to work a few days a week at Massage Envy to make more money. It just seemed to make more sense to go with the lab job, and I'm so thankful I did! My coworkers are so encouraging and patient with me as I learn everything (including scientific terms that I don't have any clue about), and even help explain the processes of certain tests they run. I can firmly say that I love my job, and I don't regret my choices at all!

I have also been dating one of the most Godly men I know since mid-February (of which I will have to write out our story at some point in the future). I can say wholeheartedly that he always points me to Jesus for everything; he leads me well in our relationship. Andrew spoils me with flowers, makes me laugh, is incredibly patient with me when I'm moody, gives great hugs, and he treats me like a princess. He is also incredibly honest with me, and the way he handles conflict is a breath of fresh air. I got to witness his baptism at our church a few months ago, and I couldn't be more proud of his growing love for the Lord and his hunger for truth and growth in righteousness. I am incredibly blessed by him every day!

Lindsey had made a friend at cosmetology school named Jenn, and long story short, she came to live with us in March, and it has been an awesome thing for all of us! Now we are all super close and we're going to be apartment-mates in the next few weeks! Which brings me to the next update....

Yes, Lindsey, Jenn, and I are all moving out of my parents' house in the next few weeks and we'll be moving to a really nice apartment mid-August. It's in the middle of everything in NWA, and it'll be easy to get to wherever we want to go because we'll be living right off the interstate AND just minutes away from everything in town. We'll be finally living on our own! It's a big step for all of us, seeing as how all 3 of us have lived at home with our parents/someone else's parents our whole lives, but it will be good for all of us as we learn to live with each other outside of our parents' house and how to deal with personal finances, etc.

All within a little over a month and a half, I have started a new full-time job, I will be moving to an apartment for the first time, I will start another part-time music teaching job, and will be starting my volunteer music job for AWANA at church. SO much going on, but all very good things.

I am beyond thankful for all of these doors that the Lord has opened up not only for me, but also for friends and family around me. It's been amazing to see how God works to bring us to where He wants us to be! The next few months won't be easy as I transition into more new things, but God has been really working on me, and He will carry His work on to completion, as Philippians 1:6 says. He knows what the future holds, and for that reason, I have peace and joy in my heart.

5 Practical Ways to Memorize God's Word

My friend Michelle and I meet together once a week every week and have since last September/October (I've forgotten which, I've slept since then). This has become a very sacred time for me as I am regularly meeting with a great woman of the Lord who loves her Savior and others in our local body of believers. She has such great insight about life, love, marriage, and everything else.

Something that we've been doing ever since we started meeting over 6 months ago is memorizing entire passages of the Bible. This is NOT an easy thing to do, let me just tell you right up front. Memorizing individual Bible verses has never been something I was good at growing up; I never had a desire to, and I really thought that if I just knew where certain verses or passages were, then I could eventually find them when I needed it.

This kind of thinking is actually not just unhealthy; it's dangerous. For any believer, the Bible is the very Word of God. It is God's way of speaking to us about stories of the past, lessons we all must learn, truths we must believe, and commands we must follow. The famous passage of 2 Tim. 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

First of all, notice that it doesn't say only some of Scripture is inspired. It says ALL Scripture is inspired. Secondly, if you look at any footnote in a study Bible, the word inspired means "God-breathed." God breathed these very words through the men that He chose. Whether you believe it was word-for-word spoken by God or that He only gave them a general idea of what to say, God gave His word to us, what He wanted to tell us. Thirdly, it is used to teach others (about the Gospel, the stories of His people, etc.), reproof (which is an expression of disapproval or pointing out sin), correction (not just pointing out our sin/flaws, but expressing a way to repent from them: learning from them and actively fixing them), and training in righteousness (a continual discipline to become more like Jesus Christ). All of these are VITAL to those claiming to be followers of Jesus.

With all of that said, these past few months have taught me so much about the importance of not only studying God's Word but also memorizing it, meditating on it, and letting it impact your life permanently. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I do know a few things that have helped me in this journey of memorizing individual verses and even entire chapters/passages of Scripture.

1. Have an accountability partner. 

In my junior year of college, my best friend Alisha and I made a decision at the beginning of fall semester to start working out twice a week after our classes were done for the day. We were going to meet the same time those specific days, and we would have a plan for what we were going to do once we met that day: we would work for 30 min. on cardio (on either the bike, treadmill, or the elliptical) and 30 min. on a specific area (legs, arms, core). Every day was different on what we worked on, but the overall general plan was the same. Having Alisha there with me helped encourage me to keep going even when I didn't feel like it that particular day, and I know I helped her keep going as well. Having someone else there with me helped to keep me in check even when it was hard. We had a plan, and we stuck to it because we reminded each other of its importance.

The same thing goes for memorizing Scripture. There are times when I really don't feel like it, and there are weeks when I fail to progress any, but Michelle always keeps me in check and even sends me reminders throughout the week, and asks how I'm doing with it. I need that so that even when my fleshly feelings want to take control, I can still keep going despite how I feel.

2. Start small.

Before I had the ability to memorize whole passages, I had to discipline myself to memorize even just one verse. Even when memorizing whole passages, I have to take it one or two verses at a time every week. Even though Michelle may be able to go through 5-6 verses in a week (I don't know if she actually does or not), I know my limits, and I know it's not a race. However, if you know you are able to take on more at a time, then you should aim for that!

3. Put it on [repeat]. 

Repetition is key. I find it harder to remember what I've memorized if I don't repeat it every so often. Cramming memorization in the day before I meet with Michelle may work temporarily but I don't remember it by the next day if I don't constantly hear it, say it, or read it. It's like practicing an instrument/exercising/training for anything. Even if you only work on it 5-10 min. every day, it still retains better than if you cram it in the day before for 1 hour. I find that the best way to work on a verse is to read it at least once a day, work on speaking it at least 2-3 different times during the day, and if you have an audio Bible or an app on a mobile device that reads it to you, hearing it at least 2-3 different times from all of those in a day.

4. Actually meditate on what you're memorizing. 

I had a really stressful night at work just recently, and it took everything in me to not fall apart in front of everyone. When I was cleaning all of the rooms in the clinic, I repeated some of the verses I had learned in the past few weeks that were applicable to all of the stress I was going through. Once I had finished cleaning the rooms, I had calmed down and was reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness even in stressful times. When you remember your verses, you are able to meditate on them in times when you need it the most. You are reminded of what is true and not on your feelings. Feelings can skew what is actually true. The Word of God is truth, and it never changes.

5. Ask God for help.

If you find that you just don't feel like memorizing, pray about it! Ask God to give you the desire to learn more about Him, to treasure His word in your heart. There is a passage in Matthew [7:7-8] that says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." God gives us the desire to pursue Him after He has already pursued us. He loves us, and wants us to desire to know Him! He will give you that desire if you ask for it. You may not have it all the time at first, but your love for His word will grow continually if you keep working at it.

I hope these practical tips will help you if you are trying to memorize Scripture, but may be too discouraged to continue, or even begin a task like this. Honestly, if someone like me can do it (I cannot remember names of new people I meet for the life of me), you can do it too. God gives us the desire to learn more about Him as we grow in our walk with Him, and I was ultimately given the desire to memorize His word. Like I've said before, I am DEFINITELY not perfect at it, and I don't think I ever will be. But I can always grow, always learn more. I am so thankful that I even have the opportunity to memorize and read a Bible without being persecuted for it. That puts it all into perspective . . .

Certainty in the Uncertain

One day
I discovered
the allure of
spontaneity.
What adventure it is
in the not knowing!
What a thrill
to really live
from one minute
to the next!
To be caught
by utter surprise
and completely
trust in
His plans,
His power,
to not trust
in myself
or
my own abilities
above His,
to calm
my agitated heart
and deeply, truly
rest
in Jesus
alone.
That,
my dear friends,
is truly living.