I know we all fail sometimes. But do you ever have those days when it seems like nothing's going right or you feel completely incompetent of doing anything right? Even just to make people happy?
...Yeah. That was today.
First of all, the weather was bitterly cold and rainy ALL DAY. I like rainy days usually, but only when it's moderately warm out. I can handle the cold if it's sunny out. Putting the two together, however, just goes too far! Another thing to add to the day was that I've gotten very little sleep in the past week (I mean, I know I'm a college kid and all, but I got way less this week than I usually do). When I get less sleep, things always seem worse than they might be. I had also run out of meals for my meal plan, so I had to update that (which isn't completely awful, just a hassle to have to fix). I had tried out for a play on Sunday; the cast list was sent out today, and I didn't get a part at all. Which I thought might happen, but it still took a stab at my ego, and made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And finally, one of our assignments for my gateway class (a writing class) was to write a personal psalm about something we were struggling with. We also had to have ours read aloud, or at least turn them in to be graded, and I'm usually not one to shy away from sharing what I write with other people, but I really didn't want a lot of people to read it this time because it was something I was dealing with that was VERY personal. It also caused that very personal struggle to hang over my head pretty much the whole day. Overall, it was just a really off day.
Now that I have finished whining and complaining, what do I have to say about all of this?
Well, I've come to realize that life goes on. Which is totally cliche', but it does. You move past the bad (or at least unpleasant) things and move on with your life. You also learn from your mistakes. You ask yourself, "How can I be better next time (in regards to the play)?" You get stronger every day that you keep moving forward.
Sometimes, you can't help what happens. I love what people call the "serenity prayer":
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
...But there's more to that:
"...Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."
These are the words that I want my heart to echo. Especially every time something happens or something comes up that may not be what I expect or what I want it to be. Not only do I need to do the top part of that "prayer," but I also need to remember the bottom half: to enjoy every moment I possibly can and trust God that He'll do what's good, what's right, and what's perfect in His plan not only for my own life, but for His overall plan.
With that being said, I am most certainly grateful for all of my friends that tried (and successfully) made my day at least a little better! To Robbie and DJ, it was enough that you listened to me ramble about these things. It may not have seemed like much, but it was. It means the WORLD to me that you took the time to do so. To Ariel and Shane, thank you for making me laugh at lunch and just being there for me to be in your wonderful presence. To Alisha, thank you SO MUCH for writing me a whole poem about me! It completely made my day, and I will totes def keep it forever.
To everyone else reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my ramblings and keep up with my life and what goes on in my head at least a little.
I am most certainly blessed. That is something to be grateful for.
Thank you, Lord!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Obeying the Call
I went to Camp War Eagle (Sunday through Tuesday) for a college fall retreat with not only my church (UBC) but several other churches in the Fayetteville area. It was so good to meet new people and strengthen some older friendships! There were so many things that happened, but yet there was surprisingly a lot of free time to just relax or do whatever we wanted to. Most of the afternoon, I was feeling a bit adventurous and I climbed halfway up a rock wall and tried out 2 out of the 3 ropes courses (I attempted the third one but chickened out after attempting to step out onto it), and then played a great game of ultimate frisbee. After a good shower, I went back to my cabin and saw only one girl in there, but she was dead asleep, so I took a walk around camp.
Most of the time, whenever I am alone, I feel depressed, because being around other people energizes me and makes me happy. This time, however, I felt more content with being alone as I walked down the dusty gravel road.
I found some picnic tables over by the empty basketball courts, and I plopped down at one of them. The sun was shining through the trees and would probably set in a little over an hour and a half. Along with it shining over the nearby lake's waters and with a plethora of colorful leaves all over the still green grass, it was one of the most beautiful scenes of nature that I had ever witnessed with my own eyes. I sighed with contentment.
As I sat there with my legs crossed on the picnic table, I started thinking. Typical questions that everyone wants answered: What am I going to be doing with my life after college? What am I going to be doing DURING my time at college? What does God want for me to do with my life? Am I currently doing what God wants me to do?
After sitting there for a few minutes, I walked around some more and then it ended up being time for dinner. After that, we had our last real session for the retreat on what was really a covered deck (because it wasn't really a building; it was all made of wood and it was technically outside). The sessions were all about the Gospel: what it is (in depth), what a Gospel-saturated person looked like/acted, and how we can "flesh out" the Gospel. The last session was especially good, because the speaker shared 4 "challenges" that we as believers should be able to say when our lives end: "I lived Christ" (fleshing out the Gospel), "I taught Christ" (not just acting, but also sharing and teaching what the Word means), "I followed Christ" (obeying what God's called us to, individually and as a believer in general), and "I loved Christ more than I loved myself" (kind of a challenge towards us meaning, do you love yourself more than you love Christ?) He made a great point that we often make excuses for not sharing the Gospel with other people, either because we're too lazy, we don't care enough about them, or we're afraid of what they'll think of us. But anywho... back to my story.
The wind began to pick up and it got really chilly. I looked over and saw lightning and heard thunder booming in the distance. When the session was over, it was too late to go back to our cabins to put our stuff up; the storm had come. We had to wait it out, and it was pretty cool (literally) to watch light streaking across the sky and feel the freezing mist even standing in the middle of the deck. It was a bit scary because technically we were outside in the middle of a thunderstorm (which seems childish but I had never done that before), but yet I knew that we were going to be okay.
When the rain died down and the storm subsided, we quickly moved to the cafeteria (which was an actual building) and played bunko for several hours.
Later, I thought about this incident as I recalled what I was thinking just hours before on the picnic table. The topic of last night's session and the weather parallel each other so well: the thunderstorm is like sharing our faith with the people around us. Even the thought of it scares us, whether only a little or so much that you feel like throwing up. I think what it all boils down to is that we're out of our comfort zones when we do share the Gospel with other people, especially if they happen to be close friends or people that we know really well. It's definitely easier to share the Gospel with people that you've never met nor will ever see again and hand them a tract and say, "Hey, you need Christ; now good luck!" and send them on their way. But more times than not, that's not how it works.
However, despite what the outcome is or their reaction to what you have to say is, we know that God has it all taken care of and that everything will be okay. It's not the end of the world if they don't respond in faith; in fact, most people won't. We have to remember though, that ultimately it's GOD that is able to change hearts, not us. By grace, He uses us and WANTS to use us as His seed-planters; we can plant the seeds, but only God can make them grow and flourish. All we have to do, is obey Him. He has called us ALL to "go therefore and MAKE DISCIPLES of all nations" in Matthew 28:19... Meaning that we shouldn't just hand them a tract and send them on their way. It's a constant pouring into people, keeping up with them and such. It's also comforting to know that He didn't just command us to do it and say "Well good luck with that!" He tells us in the next verse (v.20) that He is with us ALWAYS, to the end of the age.
Now the question stands: what's keeping YOU from sharing your faith with the people around you? Is it fear? Lack of compassion for the lost? If there's anything holding you back, give it up to God. Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." God will change your heart if you ask Him to.
This is as much a challenge for me as it is for anybody... I'm always afraid to say the wrong things or mess up the message in some way. But God can change the heart of anyone despite if we stumble in our words or can't answer every single question.
All we have to do is obey the call.
Most of the time, whenever I am alone, I feel depressed, because being around other people energizes me and makes me happy. This time, however, I felt more content with being alone as I walked down the dusty gravel road.
I found some picnic tables over by the empty basketball courts, and I plopped down at one of them. The sun was shining through the trees and would probably set in a little over an hour and a half. Along with it shining over the nearby lake's waters and with a plethora of colorful leaves all over the still green grass, it was one of the most beautiful scenes of nature that I had ever witnessed with my own eyes. I sighed with contentment.
As I sat there with my legs crossed on the picnic table, I started thinking. Typical questions that everyone wants answered: What am I going to be doing with my life after college? What am I going to be doing DURING my time at college? What does God want for me to do with my life? Am I currently doing what God wants me to do?
After sitting there for a few minutes, I walked around some more and then it ended up being time for dinner. After that, we had our last real session for the retreat on what was really a covered deck (because it wasn't really a building; it was all made of wood and it was technically outside). The sessions were all about the Gospel: what it is (in depth), what a Gospel-saturated person looked like/acted, and how we can "flesh out" the Gospel. The last session was especially good, because the speaker shared 4 "challenges" that we as believers should be able to say when our lives end: "I lived Christ" (fleshing out the Gospel), "I taught Christ" (not just acting, but also sharing and teaching what the Word means), "I followed Christ" (obeying what God's called us to, individually and as a believer in general), and "I loved Christ more than I loved myself" (kind of a challenge towards us meaning, do you love yourself more than you love Christ?) He made a great point that we often make excuses for not sharing the Gospel with other people, either because we're too lazy, we don't care enough about them, or we're afraid of what they'll think of us. But anywho... back to my story.
The wind began to pick up and it got really chilly. I looked over and saw lightning and heard thunder booming in the distance. When the session was over, it was too late to go back to our cabins to put our stuff up; the storm had come. We had to wait it out, and it was pretty cool (literally) to watch light streaking across the sky and feel the freezing mist even standing in the middle of the deck. It was a bit scary because technically we were outside in the middle of a thunderstorm (which seems childish but I had never done that before), but yet I knew that we were going to be okay.
When the rain died down and the storm subsided, we quickly moved to the cafeteria (which was an actual building) and played bunko for several hours.
Later, I thought about this incident as I recalled what I was thinking just hours before on the picnic table. The topic of last night's session and the weather parallel each other so well: the thunderstorm is like sharing our faith with the people around us. Even the thought of it scares us, whether only a little or so much that you feel like throwing up. I think what it all boils down to is that we're out of our comfort zones when we do share the Gospel with other people, especially if they happen to be close friends or people that we know really well. It's definitely easier to share the Gospel with people that you've never met nor will ever see again and hand them a tract and say, "Hey, you need Christ; now good luck!" and send them on their way. But more times than not, that's not how it works.
However, despite what the outcome is or their reaction to what you have to say is, we know that God has it all taken care of and that everything will be okay. It's not the end of the world if they don't respond in faith; in fact, most people won't. We have to remember though, that ultimately it's GOD that is able to change hearts, not us. By grace, He uses us and WANTS to use us as His seed-planters; we can plant the seeds, but only God can make them grow and flourish. All we have to do, is obey Him. He has called us ALL to "go therefore and MAKE DISCIPLES of all nations" in Matthew 28:19... Meaning that we shouldn't just hand them a tract and send them on their way. It's a constant pouring into people, keeping up with them and such. It's also comforting to know that He didn't just command us to do it and say "Well good luck with that!" He tells us in the next verse (v.20) that He is with us ALWAYS, to the end of the age.
Now the question stands: what's keeping YOU from sharing your faith with the people around you? Is it fear? Lack of compassion for the lost? If there's anything holding you back, give it up to God. Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." God will change your heart if you ask Him to.
This is as much a challenge for me as it is for anybody... I'm always afraid to say the wrong things or mess up the message in some way. But God can change the heart of anyone despite if we stumble in our words or can't answer every single question.
All we have to do is obey the call.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Promises
Taking Old Testament Survey this semester has been SO good for me. For various reasons. One being that the Old Testament didn't seem as applicable in my life as the New Testament did. I definitely knew it was important, for sure, but I just felt like it was... Well, old. I have realized, though, that it IS applicable to my life. The book of Genesis especially reveals this.
Something I've come to realize fully is that all of the people in the book of Genesis messed up, a LOT. Even when God continually spoke to them and promised to be with them, they all failed; they would always act in unbelief. One in particular, Abraham, sticks out in my mind more than the others do. Even though he's known for his incredible faith (Gen. 15:6), he didn't start out that way. If you happen to look through Gen. 12-22... WOW. We're talking about some serious trust issues here! There are so many instances when he could've acted in faith, but didn't.
First of all, God spoke to Abraham personally, which should've strengthened his faith in Him like a billion times more. Not only did He speak to him, but God promised Abraham so many things, the most important things promised to him were land, protection, and overall blessing. He even told Abraham to go outside and count the stars in the sky, telling him that he was counting the number of his descendants. God even made a covenant with him.
Not even a few verses later begins a list of all the ways that Abraham screws things up. They left to go to another land (which says a lot about how much faith they lacked that God would provide in the midst of the famine), and Abraham lied to the Pharaoh of Egypt saying that Sarah was his sister (which was true, but it wasn't the whole truth). That right there revealed that he didn't trust God in providing protection for him, either. They got everything settled and then, they moved on. But this didn't just happened once; it happened AGAIN! You'd think they'd learn from their mistakes the first time...
Even though God promised them more descendants than they could possibly imagine, they took matters into their own hands with making Hagar become a surrogate mom. Even though God blessed Ishmael, the child born of unbelief, it was still Isaac that He blessed Abraham and his descendants through.
Finally, when Isaac was older, God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son. This had to have been the hardest test of faith! But after years and years of acting in unbelief and distrust, Abraham obeyed. He knew that God had promised Isaac, and he had faith that even if the blade of the knife went through the skin, that he would be healed or brought back to life. After so many years of not getting it, he FINALLY got it!
I can totally relate to Abraham; that's probably why he's my favorite character to read about in Genesis. In fact, I AM Abraham in a sense. I know God has made me so many promises AND kept them, and yet I still act like I don't trust Him a lot of the time. I think everyone's like this, but I can relate because I'm an especially stubborn fool. Thank goodness He's saved me and not because of anything I ever did. I have so many dreams for my life that I want desperately to make a reality. If they're part of God's plan for my life, then they WILL happen. But I have to remember that if they're not, then God's got something SO much better in mind for my life. Which is super hard to imagine and is easier said than done...
Something really cool to take from this story is that even though Abraham didn't always act in faith, that didn't stop God from being God, and it didn't stop Him from being the faithful El Shaddai. He ALWAYS keeps His end of the deal. That's always incredibly comforting to remember; even when I screw up or fail, God NEVER does. He always keeps His promises.
That's something to keep in the front of my mind as I go about my crazy life.
Something I've come to realize fully is that all of the people in the book of Genesis messed up, a LOT. Even when God continually spoke to them and promised to be with them, they all failed; they would always act in unbelief. One in particular, Abraham, sticks out in my mind more than the others do. Even though he's known for his incredible faith (Gen. 15:6), he didn't start out that way. If you happen to look through Gen. 12-22... WOW. We're talking about some serious trust issues here! There are so many instances when he could've acted in faith, but didn't.
First of all, God spoke to Abraham personally, which should've strengthened his faith in Him like a billion times more. Not only did He speak to him, but God promised Abraham so many things, the most important things promised to him were land, protection, and overall blessing. He even told Abraham to go outside and count the stars in the sky, telling him that he was counting the number of his descendants. God even made a covenant with him.
Not even a few verses later begins a list of all the ways that Abraham screws things up. They left to go to another land (which says a lot about how much faith they lacked that God would provide in the midst of the famine), and Abraham lied to the Pharaoh of Egypt saying that Sarah was his sister (which was true, but it wasn't the whole truth). That right there revealed that he didn't trust God in providing protection for him, either. They got everything settled and then, they moved on. But this didn't just happened once; it happened AGAIN! You'd think they'd learn from their mistakes the first time...
Even though God promised them more descendants than they could possibly imagine, they took matters into their own hands with making Hagar become a surrogate mom. Even though God blessed Ishmael, the child born of unbelief, it was still Isaac that He blessed Abraham and his descendants through.
Finally, when Isaac was older, God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son. This had to have been the hardest test of faith! But after years and years of acting in unbelief and distrust, Abraham obeyed. He knew that God had promised Isaac, and he had faith that even if the blade of the knife went through the skin, that he would be healed or brought back to life. After so many years of not getting it, he FINALLY got it!
I can totally relate to Abraham; that's probably why he's my favorite character to read about in Genesis. In fact, I AM Abraham in a sense. I know God has made me so many promises AND kept them, and yet I still act like I don't trust Him a lot of the time. I think everyone's like this, but I can relate because I'm an especially stubborn fool. Thank goodness He's saved me and not because of anything I ever did. I have so many dreams for my life that I want desperately to make a reality. If they're part of God's plan for my life, then they WILL happen. But I have to remember that if they're not, then God's got something SO much better in mind for my life. Which is super hard to imagine and is easier said than done...
Something really cool to take from this story is that even though Abraham didn't always act in faith, that didn't stop God from being God, and it didn't stop Him from being the faithful El Shaddai. He ALWAYS keeps His end of the deal. That's always incredibly comforting to remember; even when I screw up or fail, God NEVER does. He always keeps His promises.
That's something to keep in the front of my mind as I go about my crazy life.
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