I remember the day she was born.
At 3 years and almost 4 months old, I had taken a nap on the bed in the guest bedroom at my grandparents' house (dad's parents'), affectionately [still] called the "indian room" because of all of the native American artifacts my half-Cherokee grandfather had collected and put in there. I woke up to my grandma looking down at me with a twinkle in her eyes. "We're going to the hospital!" she told me excitedly.
It took a while to put my shoes on, and then we hopped into her car, and drove to the hospital. Walked inside, strolled to the elevator, pressed a button, walked out of the elevator, walked down the hall, and stepped into a room, where my parents waited for us. My other grandparents were there, as well.
And there she was, wrapped tightly in a blanket in my other grandma's arms.
From watching home videos of that moment, I obviously didn't think too badly of her.
Over the next few years, we became sidekicks. Partners in crime. I called her "MY Lindsey." I got her into some pretty nasty scrapes (almost literally), especially when we first moved into our new house in Springdale. When she was almost a year old, I chased her around a coffee table, and she tripped and hit her head on the edge, causing her to get stitches on her eyebrow. Apparently just an inch farther down, and she would've probably lost an eye. Several years later, when she was 4 and I was 7, she climbed onto my desk from my bed, but got scared and couldn't get down. Being the good big sister that watched out for her, I grabbed her legs out from underneath her to pull her down and... Yeah. It obviously didn't end well. She banged her head against the edge of the desk and sliced her head open. Mom took her to the ER to get a staple in her head, while Grandma came over and we cleaned up the blood... Just the guilt of hurting my sister was enough punishment for me! (Yeah, I've always been a bit of a klutz...)
Years passed, and we were still the best of friends. When joined with the other two cousins, we would always plan out secret spy missions on the adults at Christmastime, and when they caught us and asked us what we were doing, we would always say we were "Y-P-S-ing" (the word SPY backwards, in case you didn't catch that) so they wouldn't figure out what we were REALLY doing. So, we snuck back to a back bedroom and planned out a second course of action and tried again.
Lindsey was always a good dancer. There's a home video of us dancing when we were really little, but when she was only a year old, she was already dancing up a storm (which was basically her hopping around, but it was adorable nonetheless). We both took dance lessons for a LONG time, starting at four years old. I stopped taking them at age 10 or 11, and so did she, but then she kept going with competitive cheerleading, and she's been doing that for 6-7 years. She absolutely loves it, and she's pretty stinking amazing at it. Every competition I go to, I start to choke up to keep from crying when her team goes on the stage and performs. I am SUPER proud of her for everything she's accomplished in cheer!
When I started middle school, that's when I really felt like we started drifting apart. I would always come home crying and depressed and wouldn't even talk to Lindsey. Then I started looking down on her because she was younger and she didn't understand what I was going through. She got the hint after a while, and thus began the act of distancing herself from me. After that, we fought constantly, every day, about the stupidest little things. It got to where we would claw at each other, kicking and biting each other. It was awful. I really regret distancing myself from her. After a few years, I felt convicted, and tried apologizing to her. She accepted it, but it would be years before she would let me be her best friend again. She's always been an introverted person, but she became even more so with me. Little by little, she began to trust me again.
This year, since going to college, we rarely see each other during the week. I think she began to miss me, and we've grown a lot closer this year. Even though we are complete opposites of each other, we've both matured and moved past most of those things, and have learned to enjoy each others' company and to talk with each other about anything. I can always tell her stuff that's going on in my life, and she's started doing the same with me.
Looking at her now, I am amazed at what I see. I see a stunning young woman with so much talent and beauty (inside and out). She used to have bleach blonde hair until her preteen years, and now it's a beautiful light brown (despite what she may think about it). Bright emerald green eyes that she always covers up with eyeshadow and mascara (of which she needs none of it at all!). A dazzling smile that's always refreshing to see. A mysteriousness about her that I still haven't figured out. A maturity beyond most teenage girls. She doesn't care about boys or dating, won't put up with people's drama, doesn't care about pleasing everybody. She can be saucy, yet super sweet. Several nights, I will come home feeling super stressed out, and she comes into my room and gives me back and shoulder massages without asking. She is also TONS of fun! She is mischievous. Family is everything to her. She loves animals more than the average person. She paints her nails every other day. She hates jeans. And yes, she is definitely a dork! She is merely her unique, wonderful self.
She's got an amazing talent for art. Every time she completes a project, I am always amazed at how fantastic it is. MY sister drew this?! MY sister painted this?
So hard to believe she's sixteen already. Yet, it isn't surprising, because it feels like she should've been sixteen a long time ago. People often mistake her for being older than me, which she loves to rub in my face. She also likes to think she's more mature than me. That's what she thinks. ;)
To sum up, I have one amazing sister that God has blessed me with. Lindsey Marie Townsend, I cannot thank you enough for being there for me and supporting me in everything I do. I know I've messed up so many times with our friendship and have failed you daily in being a good sister. Yet, you still love me and move past those things. I love you so much, and I cannot wait to see what God has planned for your future!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Change (Not the nickels, dimes, or pennies type)
Change.
That word either brings people goosebumps full of excitement or leaves people kicking and screaming for things to stay the same. The category I would fall under, unfortunately, is the latter. I absolutely hate it when things change. Little changes I can handle, because that's just it: I can handle them. It's the big changes that I'm not fond of, because they're out of my control. Many of you know that I do not have the gift of adaptability. I admire people that can just roll with whatever comes their way. I'm getting better at that, but I still tend to freak out a little when it happens.
Recently, my core group of friends has changed. We are all different people, and have had different things happen to us even within this second semester of college. Because of these somewhat minor changes of circumstances, things are changing (obviously). Two friends are getting married this summer, relationships are blooming all around us, people are getting closer to each other, and people are distancing themselves from each other. The thing is that we're all growing up. We're maturing. We're developing other friendships and relationships, and that's a good thing. Most of what's going on in my core group of friends is a good thing. However, I haven't been handling it as well as I should be. What it comes down to is that I simply don't like change. It's something else to get used to, and you have to make adjustments. "Well, what if I don't wanna make adjustments?!" I yell in defiance.
But that's what we're supposed to do. Life happens. Change is inevitable. People change. Things pop up in your life. You grow up and mature. So, we obviously have to readjust.
Doing a lot of thinking has led me to the conclusion that change is a good thing. Our spiritual walk with Christ has to change constantly, because we can't stay in the same place for too long. We have far too much to learn, far too much to accomplish to further God's kingdom. We are constantly learning new truths, and because of that, we have to readjust our thinking, our habits, our lifestyle. We are not called to live comfortably, even. Change is what keeps me from living too comfortably, and I think it's the flesh in me wanting to keep living comfortably, and that is why I don't like change.
I talked (more like vented) to a couple of friends the other day about what was going on with my group of friends and how I didn't like that it seemed like we were slowing growing apart from each other. One of them told me that all I could do at this point was to love my friends, to pray for them, and that we can't change people. We can't change what they do or who they choose to be. All we can do is to actively love them, especially when it's hard. Then, ironically, he challenged me with a question I've challenged several of my other friends: Is God enough for me? When I have nothing left, would He be enough? IS He enough?
That's the lesson to learn here, I believe. When God puts me in certain situations, when things seem like they're out of control, when things aren't going my way, no matter the circumstances, may He be enough to satisfy me!
That word either brings people goosebumps full of excitement or leaves people kicking and screaming for things to stay the same. The category I would fall under, unfortunately, is the latter. I absolutely hate it when things change. Little changes I can handle, because that's just it: I can handle them. It's the big changes that I'm not fond of, because they're out of my control. Many of you know that I do not have the gift of adaptability. I admire people that can just roll with whatever comes their way. I'm getting better at that, but I still tend to freak out a little when it happens.
Recently, my core group of friends has changed. We are all different people, and have had different things happen to us even within this second semester of college. Because of these somewhat minor changes of circumstances, things are changing (obviously). Two friends are getting married this summer, relationships are blooming all around us, people are getting closer to each other, and people are distancing themselves from each other. The thing is that we're all growing up. We're maturing. We're developing other friendships and relationships, and that's a good thing. Most of what's going on in my core group of friends is a good thing. However, I haven't been handling it as well as I should be. What it comes down to is that I simply don't like change. It's something else to get used to, and you have to make adjustments. "Well, what if I don't wanna make adjustments?!" I yell in defiance.
But that's what we're supposed to do. Life happens. Change is inevitable. People change. Things pop up in your life. You grow up and mature. So, we obviously have to readjust.
Doing a lot of thinking has led me to the conclusion that change is a good thing. Our spiritual walk with Christ has to change constantly, because we can't stay in the same place for too long. We have far too much to learn, far too much to accomplish to further God's kingdom. We are constantly learning new truths, and because of that, we have to readjust our thinking, our habits, our lifestyle. We are not called to live comfortably, even. Change is what keeps me from living too comfortably, and I think it's the flesh in me wanting to keep living comfortably, and that is why I don't like change.
I talked (more like vented) to a couple of friends the other day about what was going on with my group of friends and how I didn't like that it seemed like we were slowing growing apart from each other. One of them told me that all I could do at this point was to love my friends, to pray for them, and that we can't change people. We can't change what they do or who they choose to be. All we can do is to actively love them, especially when it's hard. Then, ironically, he challenged me with a question I've challenged several of my other friends: Is God enough for me? When I have nothing left, would He be enough? IS He enough?
That's the lesson to learn here, I believe. When God puts me in certain situations, when things seem like they're out of control, when things aren't going my way, no matter the circumstances, may He be enough to satisfy me!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Post-Next Big Thing Reflections
Last night was one I will never forget. Listening to so many talented musicians and getting to know them better was amazing! What an incredible journey for me this has been! The experience I had preparing, playing, and singing for the Next Big Thing in the past 3 months has been so good for me and has been such a learning experience as well.
When I found out that I was in the NBT, I was kind of shocked, actually. I didn't think I was as good as my mom claimed to think. (Okay, mom, you were right!) I felt (and still feel) really honored to be chosen to perform in this exciting event. During my Christmas break, I did a lot of thinking as to what extra instruments I could add to my act (because in the "acceptance" letter I received, it was encouraged that we do so). I knew I was going to play the song that I tried out with. So, I started there, and thought to myself, "You know, I would LOVE to have Nathan Burns playing the violin and Robbie playing the piano for this!" Within minutes, I had kind of an idea of what I wanted the song to sound like. I was super excited!
I didn't have a second song to play at the time. So, I searched through Scripture, and I came across my favorite verse, Psalm 55:22. I looked up to verse 17 and thought to myself that it would be such a great idea to put these verses into a song, because they've encouraged me so much in times of loneliness and doubt! So then, I wrote the song, but didn't want to leave it at that. "What else could I possibly add to this, though?" Thinking a little bit more, it came to me: my friend, Sean, is an amazing guitar player! This song could be all acoustic. Then I got even more excited. Once I had planned both songs out, and prayed about it for a while, I contacted all three of the guys and asked them if they would be willing to play for me for the Next Big Thing. I got all three to answer YES! They were more than enthusiastic about playing for me!
Months passed, and everything had gone so smoothly. Practices were fun, yet productive. The first practice with each one of the guys, they had the songs down the first or second time through. I was (and still am!) amazed at their incredible talent. Yesterday afternoon, we had one more practice before the big event. Several of my friends even made t-shirts for the NBT to support me! We all went to dinner, and then got to where we were supposed to be. All the bands crowded together in one of the classrooms on the second floor of the Cathedral, where we could watch the event from the live stream, eat snacks, and talk with each other. We started playing our two songs again, and the (now) winners, Criston & Caleb, came up to us and just listened. They complimented us, and they meant it. I couldn't stop grinning! Getting to know a lot of these people has been such a blessing, although I won't see half of them very much (which makes me really sad, because they're all really great people!)
About five minutes before the show was supposed to start, I started having this feeling of dread. I never get seriously nervous until right before I perform for things, so it just kinda hit me all of a sudden. I looked at Sean and asked him, "Can we pray?" He smiled and agreed to. We grabbed Nathan and Robbie, stepped out into the hall, and each of us took turns praying. I felt more at peace, but was still uneasy. Then, they called my name, and off we went to wait backstage. Those few minutes seemed like an eternity that we were waiting. The nerves escalated, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The guys noticed, and they tried to calm me down. (By the way, I would just like to say right now that these guys are so wonderful!) Nathan encouraged me by quoting Scripture to me (2 Tim. 1:7): "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." I remembered Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Robbie and Nathan even started telling jokes and funny stories to lighten everyone (but mainly me) up. Sean then gave me another hug and told me to look at him if I needed to. I calmed down a bit.
Then, they opened the door to let us onto the stage. I walked on, plugged in. Heart pounding. Knees knocking. Hands shaking.
"Lord, help me," I prayed one last time.
Then, I strummed the first chord.
The first song, I was visibly nervous. I loved playing that song, but I was still nervous. Then I got to introduce my band members, and then all of a sudden, my nerves vanished. COMPLETELY VANISHED. I started talking about the next song, and it just flowed out of me. I was really sad that Sean's guitar wasn't turned on at all during the second song, but at least you could hear his harmony part. The second song, I wasn't focused on the crowd or the judges watching me. It was Sean and I playing for the Lord, the way it was supposed to be. The judges critiques were good, and they were also pretty uplifting. I went backstage, and walked into the classroom where everyone was. People actually clapped when I came into the room. I could finally breathe again! My work was done.
Watching all of the other bands/singers perform from the live stream was awesome. It was really the best place to be! I could enjoy everyone's music and talk to them about it afterwards.
Then, Criston & Caleb (the last act) went on and performed, and there was no question about it: I knew they were going to win! Not only did they get the loudest cheering from the room we were in, but they also had a standing ovation (from what I heard about) and all the judges were wow'ed!! Not only were they super talented and fit so well together, but their hearts were/are in the right place and one of the judges was 100% right when they said that they were born to do this and that they were doing what God was calling them to do!
Finally, we all got to go onstage to hear the winner announced, and it was indeed Criston & Caleb! I was never so happy to lose. They deserved it!!!
So, you may ask, "Are you going to do it next year?" Of course. This has been such an amazing learning experience for me, and I've grown so much already, in my confidence, song-writing, and other things. I've missed being a part of a band so much, and now I've found people that want to keep on playing with each other for a long time. I've been blessed beyond measure by all three of these guys and cannot wait to see what all is going to happen with that!
Lord, words cannot even begin to describe how I feel right now, except for this: Thank You!
Thank You for allowing my band members and I to perform in the NBT,
Thank You for growing us closer together as brothers and sister in Christ,
Thank You for continuing to shape us into who You want us to be,
Thank You for everything.
Amen.
When I found out that I was in the NBT, I was kind of shocked, actually. I didn't think I was as good as my mom claimed to think. (Okay, mom, you were right!) I felt (and still feel) really honored to be chosen to perform in this exciting event. During my Christmas break, I did a lot of thinking as to what extra instruments I could add to my act (because in the "acceptance" letter I received, it was encouraged that we do so). I knew I was going to play the song that I tried out with. So, I started there, and thought to myself, "You know, I would LOVE to have Nathan Burns playing the violin and Robbie playing the piano for this!" Within minutes, I had kind of an idea of what I wanted the song to sound like. I was super excited!
I didn't have a second song to play at the time. So, I searched through Scripture, and I came across my favorite verse, Psalm 55:22. I looked up to verse 17 and thought to myself that it would be such a great idea to put these verses into a song, because they've encouraged me so much in times of loneliness and doubt! So then, I wrote the song, but didn't want to leave it at that. "What else could I possibly add to this, though?" Thinking a little bit more, it came to me: my friend, Sean, is an amazing guitar player! This song could be all acoustic. Then I got even more excited. Once I had planned both songs out, and prayed about it for a while, I contacted all three of the guys and asked them if they would be willing to play for me for the Next Big Thing. I got all three to answer YES! They were more than enthusiastic about playing for me!
Months passed, and everything had gone so smoothly. Practices were fun, yet productive. The first practice with each one of the guys, they had the songs down the first or second time through. I was (and still am!) amazed at their incredible talent. Yesterday afternoon, we had one more practice before the big event. Several of my friends even made t-shirts for the NBT to support me! We all went to dinner, and then got to where we were supposed to be. All the bands crowded together in one of the classrooms on the second floor of the Cathedral, where we could watch the event from the live stream, eat snacks, and talk with each other. We started playing our two songs again, and the (now) winners, Criston & Caleb, came up to us and just listened. They complimented us, and they meant it. I couldn't stop grinning! Getting to know a lot of these people has been such a blessing, although I won't see half of them very much (which makes me really sad, because they're all really great people!)
About five minutes before the show was supposed to start, I started having this feeling of dread. I never get seriously nervous until right before I perform for things, so it just kinda hit me all of a sudden. I looked at Sean and asked him, "Can we pray?" He smiled and agreed to. We grabbed Nathan and Robbie, stepped out into the hall, and each of us took turns praying. I felt more at peace, but was still uneasy. Then, they called my name, and off we went to wait backstage. Those few minutes seemed like an eternity that we were waiting. The nerves escalated, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The guys noticed, and they tried to calm me down. (By the way, I would just like to say right now that these guys are so wonderful!) Nathan encouraged me by quoting Scripture to me (2 Tim. 1:7): "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." I remembered Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Robbie and Nathan even started telling jokes and funny stories to lighten everyone (but mainly me) up. Sean then gave me another hug and told me to look at him if I needed to. I calmed down a bit.
Then, they opened the door to let us onto the stage. I walked on, plugged in. Heart pounding. Knees knocking. Hands shaking.
"Lord, help me," I prayed one last time.
Then, I strummed the first chord.
The first song, I was visibly nervous. I loved playing that song, but I was still nervous. Then I got to introduce my band members, and then all of a sudden, my nerves vanished. COMPLETELY VANISHED. I started talking about the next song, and it just flowed out of me. I was really sad that Sean's guitar wasn't turned on at all during the second song, but at least you could hear his harmony part. The second song, I wasn't focused on the crowd or the judges watching me. It was Sean and I playing for the Lord, the way it was supposed to be. The judges critiques were good, and they were also pretty uplifting. I went backstage, and walked into the classroom where everyone was. People actually clapped when I came into the room. I could finally breathe again! My work was done.
Watching all of the other bands/singers perform from the live stream was awesome. It was really the best place to be! I could enjoy everyone's music and talk to them about it afterwards.
Then, Criston & Caleb (the last act) went on and performed, and there was no question about it: I knew they were going to win! Not only did they get the loudest cheering from the room we were in, but they also had a standing ovation (from what I heard about) and all the judges were wow'ed!! Not only were they super talented and fit so well together, but their hearts were/are in the right place and one of the judges was 100% right when they said that they were born to do this and that they were doing what God was calling them to do!
Finally, we all got to go onstage to hear the winner announced, and it was indeed Criston & Caleb! I was never so happy to lose. They deserved it!!!
So, you may ask, "Are you going to do it next year?" Of course. This has been such an amazing learning experience for me, and I've grown so much already, in my confidence, song-writing, and other things. I've missed being a part of a band so much, and now I've found people that want to keep on playing with each other for a long time. I've been blessed beyond measure by all three of these guys and cannot wait to see what all is going to happen with that!
Lord, words cannot even begin to describe how I feel right now, except for this: Thank You!
Thank You for allowing my band members and I to perform in the NBT,
Thank You for growing us closer together as brothers and sister in Christ,
Thank You for continuing to shape us into who You want us to be,
Thank You for everything.
Amen.
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