I pulled up into the Walmart parking lot this past Thursday evening, hoping to get some supplies for making my own Valentines at home. I regretted it immediately. Valentine's had thrown up all over the store. So many people crowded around the holiday section. Red, pink, and white hearts were everywhere. Men standing in lines with flowers, chocolates, and/or cards. The looks on some of their faces matched that of Katniss Everdeen's in the elevator scene in Catching Fire. (If you have no idea what you're talking about, look it up on YouTube.)
Walmart wasn't the only store like this. I went in to Harp's yesterday (Friday) morning to get some more things, and flowers and balloons were everywhere. Candy and chocolate were in huge bins all over the front of the store.
I also read in JBU's Threefold Advocate newspaper some statistics about Valentine's day. One in particular caught my eye: 53% of women would break off the relationship with their significant other if they didn't receive anything for Valentine's day. That. Is. Ridiculous.
Why did Valentine's day have to become so materialistic? Since when did flowers, candy, and a card become the standard Valentine's gift for women? When did it become all about us in receiving gifts and having the ultimate lovey dovey night with a boyfriend or girlfriend? While I do appreciate getting that special time with my boyfriend, wasn't Valentine's day meant to be for something a little deeper than that?
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Valentine's day. I loved it even before my boyfriend and I started dating. I hear my single friends cringe as the day draws near every year. I remember what it was like to be single on that day, but I was never terribly bitter about not having a boyfriend. I always had fun with friends that day, whether it was a party or just hanging out, I dressed up in red and did my hair a little nicer, I exchanged silly valentines with my friends... I always seemed to have a really good day despite me being single. So, to all the single ladies and gents out there: it IS possible to really love Valentine's day as a single person.
Something that I've had to learn over past couple of years is that it brings me more joy to give to others than it is to get anything. That is something that God has worked through me on, and I am grateful that He has. I've figured out just recently that love languages are SUPER important; of course they show love to other people (duh), but it shows people that you care about them in some little way. I've also discovered that some people have different love languages that they like to give others, and ones that they would rather receive than give. For me, my 2 love languages that I love to give to others is acts of service and gifts. Both of them seem to go hand-in-hand. I know I have a problem with spending my money too quickly. Sometimes it's for something I want/like, but some of the time, it's because I see something my friends would like or that I could make for them, and so I put my money towards whatever that is to give it to them. I am also always asking what I could be doing for other people, because to me personally, it shows that I am willing to put time and effort into doing something that they need someone to do or want someone to do for them. It's interesting, because even though I really like giving those love languages towards other people, those really aren't my top ones that I'd like for people to give to me. Everyone is different, though.
So, I guess here's a tip: Learn one or two of your top love languages that you like to give towards others, and then do something about it! I know that when I do things/give things to others, it gives me great happiness and joy, and I feel like I've made a small impact in someone's life. This enables you, sometimes forces you to not think about yourself, and instead think of other people.
Because that's what Valentine's day is REALLY supposed to be about: letting others know how much you care about them and how much they mean to you.
This reflects Christ's character completely! He came not to be served but to serve others. Philippians 2 explains in detail how Christ was a servant. In v. 3-4, it says:
3 Do nothing [c]from [d]selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
We as Christ's followers ought to act with humility towards each other and look out for others' needs. Paul continues in v. 5-#:
5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Christ became a man, wrapped in pathetic, fallen flesh, to empty Himself and humble Himself by dying on the cross so that we might have a relationship with Him forever and be able to have communion with God. This is the perfect picture of a servant: expecting nothing in return when making the ultimate sacrifice for those He loves. How wonderful is that?!
I hope that you have gained somewhat of a better perspective on Valentine's day. I hope that you learn to love it like I have. Let us give to each other and love one another, as He loves us. Let us draw near to Jesus and His love and mercy. Let us rest in that fact.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Confessions of a People-Pleasing Control Freak
I have now reached the point in my college career where I have heard the repulsive, infamous question more times than I care to count or recall. I figure you can guess what that question would be, but in case you don't know, it's the one everyone in college (especially juniors and seniors) hear and is struck with fear: "So, what's next after graduation?"
I've given into telling a couple of people that I'll probably just go eat a nice meal with my family.
But really, in all seriousness, I give so many different answers to this question depending on the person. "Oh, I'll probably teach private lessons." "I'm really interested in directing a children's choir." "I want to record my own music." "I just really want to work with people." All of these answers are legitimate, because they're all things I would be interested in. Yet, there's something tugging at my chest every time I give someone an answer to that question. It's like none of those things are good enough.
What's sad is, I can't even tell whether it's not good enough for me or good enough for others.
I thrive off of pleasing other people. I am very well aware that this isn't anything new; many people I know are also people pleasers. However, it's gotten to the point where I can't seem to think for myself in anything. I feed off of it like a vulture at a carcass. Gross picture, but it makes a point. It's bad for me, but yet, it makes me feel worth something to know that people are happy with me, my accomplishments, etc. The worst feeling in the world is someone being disappointed in me, for anything.
Maybe it's because at one point in time, in middle school, I didn't please anyone with my presence. Now, family was an exception, but you start to feel alone when no one will claim you as a friend at school or at church. I also haven't stayed at a church longer than 2 years at a time within the past 8 years or so. Being homeschooled from middle school on, I've had so many friends come and go in my life. Besides my family and my boyfriend, no one has stayed in my life longer than 3 years since early junior high school.
That's another reason I'm terrified of what's going to happen after graduation: my friends I've made here. I won't see them on a regular basis like I do now, if ever. The friend group I have right now has been together since first semester freshman year, and while we love each other, it's getting harder and harder to spend any time with each other. Each of us is moving on to another part of our lives. I find myself a wreck just trying to "make them" stay in my life, just because they've been my closest friends the longest out of so many in the past 8 years. I'm just now starting to develop meaningful relationships within the music department, and I'll be graduating in about 10 months. I'll be leaving, yet again. I would say that about 90% of my dreams lately have been me wandering around (a different place every time), looking for home, looking for someone (either my boyfriend or family), or looking for where I'm supposed to be (and it's different in every dream). Every dream ends abruptly with my alarm going off, and I never reach my destination, leaving me heavyhearted some mornings.
Is that what life is all about? Leaving, arriving, settling down somewhere, only to leave again and start all over? I mean I know we're not meant to live comfortably but c'mon. Can't I just be somewhere and STAY there? Can't I have control of all -- I mean, most of my life? I know God should be in the picture somewhere, but why would He care about my meaningless life?
Yet, He cares even more than I do. He knows everything. Every single dot and intricate detail of my pathetic, sinful life and being. And yet, He still chooses me daily.
Every time I happen to think of this truth, I shake my head ferociously. Why? I am the least bit deserving out of anybody I know.
Every night when I think of this question, I read through Scripture and see all of the countless stories of people just like me. HUGE screw ups. .....God still worked through them, sometimes brought them to Himself and revealed Himself to them. Every story is tied together into a huge story that's all about God. Everything is for His purpose and His glory. He sure as heck doesn't need us to get the job done, but He chooses to. He CHOOSES US. And despite our failures every single day, His promises have been and will always be kept.
Even when things around us change, He never does. His plans are never thwarted. Nothing surprises Him. Even when I literally scream into my pillow and throw it across my room in anger at Him or myself, He doesn't give up on me. He's still working in me, through me. Slowly but surely, I'll be like Him in more ways than I could possibly imagine.
I've drifted off to sleep so many times with no words to speak to God. I feel so inadequate when it comes to praying. (I mean really, I'm either having internal battles with myself or I'm talking out loud to the air, so it seems.) He knows my heart's deepest longings, my biggest fears, my "what ifs". God is the great weight-lifter. I have to pry my fingers off of my plans, my dreams, & my fears and relinquish them to Him first though.
It's so hard to wait when you're a control freak, though. I know the answers will come when they're supposed to. It's such a cliche' thing to say, but it's cliche' because it's completely true.
He'll always be there waiting when I'm ready to tuck my tail in and come back to Him. Thank you, Lord! May I never forget Your love and goodness.
I've given into telling a couple of people that I'll probably just go eat a nice meal with my family.
But really, in all seriousness, I give so many different answers to this question depending on the person. "Oh, I'll probably teach private lessons." "I'm really interested in directing a children's choir." "I want to record my own music." "I just really want to work with people." All of these answers are legitimate, because they're all things I would be interested in. Yet, there's something tugging at my chest every time I give someone an answer to that question. It's like none of those things are good enough.
What's sad is, I can't even tell whether it's not good enough for me or good enough for others.
I thrive off of pleasing other people. I am very well aware that this isn't anything new; many people I know are also people pleasers. However, it's gotten to the point where I can't seem to think for myself in anything. I feed off of it like a vulture at a carcass. Gross picture, but it makes a point. It's bad for me, but yet, it makes me feel worth something to know that people are happy with me, my accomplishments, etc. The worst feeling in the world is someone being disappointed in me, for anything.
Maybe it's because at one point in time, in middle school, I didn't please anyone with my presence. Now, family was an exception, but you start to feel alone when no one will claim you as a friend at school or at church. I also haven't stayed at a church longer than 2 years at a time within the past 8 years or so. Being homeschooled from middle school on, I've had so many friends come and go in my life. Besides my family and my boyfriend, no one has stayed in my life longer than 3 years since early junior high school.
That's another reason I'm terrified of what's going to happen after graduation: my friends I've made here. I won't see them on a regular basis like I do now, if ever. The friend group I have right now has been together since first semester freshman year, and while we love each other, it's getting harder and harder to spend any time with each other. Each of us is moving on to another part of our lives. I find myself a wreck just trying to "make them" stay in my life, just because they've been my closest friends the longest out of so many in the past 8 years. I'm just now starting to develop meaningful relationships within the music department, and I'll be graduating in about 10 months. I'll be leaving, yet again. I would say that about 90% of my dreams lately have been me wandering around (a different place every time), looking for home, looking for someone (either my boyfriend or family), or looking for where I'm supposed to be (and it's different in every dream). Every dream ends abruptly with my alarm going off, and I never reach my destination, leaving me heavyhearted some mornings.
Is that what life is all about? Leaving, arriving, settling down somewhere, only to leave again and start all over? I mean I know we're not meant to live comfortably but c'mon. Can't I just be somewhere and STAY there? Can't I have control of all -- I mean, most of my life? I know God should be in the picture somewhere, but why would He care about my meaningless life?
Yet, He cares even more than I do. He knows everything. Every single dot and intricate detail of my pathetic, sinful life and being. And yet, He still chooses me daily.
Every time I happen to think of this truth, I shake my head ferociously. Why? I am the least bit deserving out of anybody I know.
Every night when I think of this question, I read through Scripture and see all of the countless stories of people just like me. HUGE screw ups. .....God still worked through them, sometimes brought them to Himself and revealed Himself to them. Every story is tied together into a huge story that's all about God. Everything is for His purpose and His glory. He sure as heck doesn't need us to get the job done, but He chooses to. He CHOOSES US. And despite our failures every single day, His promises have been and will always be kept.
Even when things around us change, He never does. His plans are never thwarted. Nothing surprises Him. Even when I literally scream into my pillow and throw it across my room in anger at Him or myself, He doesn't give up on me. He's still working in me, through me. Slowly but surely, I'll be like Him in more ways than I could possibly imagine.
I've drifted off to sleep so many times with no words to speak to God. I feel so inadequate when it comes to praying. (I mean really, I'm either having internal battles with myself or I'm talking out loud to the air, so it seems.) He knows my heart's deepest longings, my biggest fears, my "what ifs". God is the great weight-lifter. I have to pry my fingers off of my plans, my dreams, & my fears and relinquish them to Him first though.
It's so hard to wait when you're a control freak, though. I know the answers will come when they're supposed to. It's such a cliche' thing to say, but it's cliche' because it's completely true.
He'll always be there waiting when I'm ready to tuck my tail in and come back to Him. Thank you, Lord! May I never forget Your love and goodness.
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