Faith in the Fire

There have been posts all over Facebook over the past few days about the wildfire raging in Colorado. My family and I have gone on vacation to Colorado Springs and various other spots in that beautiful state many times in my life, and my heart is heavy with hearing absolutely no good news about the fire. (The last time I checked, it was only 5% contained.) If I am heavyhearted for a place that's not even my own home, how much more devastating is it for the people who actually DO call it home? I cannot even imagine the emotional turmoil raging inside of their own minds and hearts just like that fire. 

As believers, we are called to not worry or be scared, but in a terrifying situation like this, how can we NOT be worried? 

It's hard to imagine God being in control, but He is, believe it or not. If He controlled the flood waters that completely covered the earth while Noah was in the ark, I believe He is in absolute control over this fire. He has the ability to smite the fire if He wanted to. 

But that's just it: why doesn't He? If entire forests and maybe even homes are burning, and people are being evacuated with the possibility of them never seeing their homes still standing again, why doesn't He control the fire? "Doesn't He care?" Sometimes, we feel that He is so far away that He either 1. doesn't care about what's going on, or 2. does care but can't do anything about it. So, to repeat my question: why doesn't He control the fire? Why this destruction?

Sometimes, things happen that we can't explain. Well, we can explain the causes of nature, like how a tornado is made or when a hurricane is going to hit, but sometimes we don't know WHY there is damage caused by those things in nature. 

I wish I had an answer for why this fire is raging. I don't. However, even if He doesn't prevent more damage, I do know that God is good, and He can turn even the worst circumstances into something good. There is not one thing that doesn't go unnoticed or unplanned. He is never caught off guard, never taken by surprise. Sometimes, God uses bad things to teach us a lesson that we're supposed to learn, to make us return to Him after we've gone astray, or to give us something even better than what we originally had. 

Psalm 121 is a famous psalm; the first two verses say, "I lift my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." (I encourage you to read the whole psalm. It is such a beautiful and encouraging reminder that God is faithful!) 

Jesus and His disciples were out on the sea, when a storm arose. The waves were crashing against their boat, and it was scary; they were probably wondering if they would survive. They woke Jesus up, who was sleeping in the boat, and they accused Him of not caring about them because He was asleep and had not woken up and done anything about the storm. "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" Jesus then rebuked the winds and the waves, calming the storm. He then turned to His disciples and asked them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" After all the miracles they had witnessed, and even though they knew He was the Christ, they still doubted His authority as God's son and His authority over all of nature. (This story is found in Mark 4:35-41.) In reading this, I have to ask myself, "Even though I've seen His goodness and His authority in the events of my own life, do I really have faith that God has authority over His creation and that He is able to calm this storm?" 

I have no idea how far this fire will burn and rage on before it is contained. I don't know how much damage it will ultimately make. But I believe that God is good, no matter what happens. The only thing we can do now is to pray. I hope if you are reading this, that you are encouraged. I pray that your faith would grow, and that you would be strengthened in the fact that God is in absolute control over EVERYTHING. 

Walking Across the Wire.

Eyes glued to the TV screen. Heart pounding. Licking dry lips. Sweating hands and feet. Getting up and leaving the room to take a break from watching. Coming and sitting back down to watch some more. Repeat.

This was me tonight as I watched daredevil Nik Wallenda walk across a wire over Niagra Falls, a feat that had not been accomplished. I was so scared for him, so afraid he would slip and fall. Every step he took was a leap of faith that he would make it across safely. 

I myself am not terribly afraid of heights. If I am at the top of a 100 story building looking down over the city, I am not afraid of how high I am. However, if I am very high up with nothing stable under my feet, then yes, I get scared. Watching someone else go through something like that also gives me sweaty palms and shaky breathing. My mom is even worse than me; heights are her worst fear. Our family will go on ferris wheel rides at an amusement park, and she will be clutching the seat for her life and sitting as close to the middle as she possibly can. I looked over her way at one point (because we were all watching this together in my dad's office/man cave), and she looked terrified for Nik. I can't say much, because I was, as well. 

Through the freezing mist and falling water splashing all over his face and body (and the rope), he never wavered in his step. He was talking on air a lot of the way, and he seemed incredibly calm and fully concentrating on what he was doing, even though he was answering all these questions for the reporters. Finally, after a little over 25 minutes, he took the last few steps, and made it across! People cheered as he broke a record and achieved a feat never done until tonight. After getting off, he was asked by the Canadian border patrol for his passport. Faking a realization that he left it on the other side, he pulled it out of his pocket and gave it to them. One of them asked, "What is your purpose here in Canada?" 

This was his answer: "To inspire people around the world!"

I got goosebumps after that. All I could think was, "WOW." 

Funny, earlier this evening, I got out of the house again and went to Wilson Park with a friend after getting some Starbucks coffee. We talked, and I asked this friend what their biggest goal in life was. They said that they wanted to glorify God in everything they did, in whatever they did. I told them that besides that, mine was to give people hope, and to lead them to a relationship with Christ in which they could experience the hope, freedom, and love that I have in my own relationship with Christ. 

After watching this man fulfill his dream to perform this extremely terrifying stunt, I realize that he had also fulfilled the other part of his dream: to inspire others with what he had accomplished. He at least had inspired one young woman . . . me. It had taken him years of training, years of dedication and (I'm sure) a lot of tumbles to accomplish this amazing feat. It's convicting to me, because I want to inspire others and change the world. I have to ask myself, "What am I doing to inspire others? What am I doing to help change the world and further the kingdom of God here on earth?"

Nik's father and wife gave praise to him for his perseverance and endurance through the years and during his walk across Niagra Falls. They were so proud of him and so glad he was safe and sound!

It reminds me of the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, when the three servants had been given a certain number of talents "according to his ability". The first two servants added to the gifts that they had been given, and had given it all back to their master. The master said to them both, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master." Nik Wallenda disciplined himself with the talent he had been given, and he has definitely used it to inspire others. 

This also reminds me of Hebrews 12:1-2, which says, 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

I have huge dreams myself. I want to write my own music and go into a women's ministry to impact younger people and point them to Christ. I want to get married and start my own family and make my own home someday in the hopes that I can glorify God with all of it and make an impact on others because of it. Am I training myself to someday fulfill those dreams and inspire others with those dreams? 

May I be a tool that God uses to inspire others to follow their dreams to glorify God and further His kingdom, and may I persevere through the race that I have started on in being a follower of Christ. May I stand before my Father in heaven to one day hear Him say those sweet words: "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master"!

A Rant About Relationships.

It's everywhere. 

You see it all over Facebook, in your circle of friends, at work, at church . . . You see it every day. It's likely you haven't NOT encountered someone that has experienced this. It is an inevitable thing. 

Know what I'm talking about yet? 

Yes, I'm talking about love. 

So many of my friends are getting engaged, getting married, starting their own families. I see pictures plastered all over Facebook of engagement photo shoots and weddings. Pictures of kisses, excessive hand-holding, looking into each other's faces . . . TV shows and movies thrive on the hero or heroine finding their "one true love." It can have as much action or comedy in it as you want, but everyone loves watching the lovers "find each other" and live happily ever after . . .

Have you barfed yet? 

While I am partially kidding and laughing about it myself, it's something I encounter every day. I not only get to see it online and in other media, but also in real life. I have two really close friends my age getting married in about two months (and I get to sing for their wedding, which I really am excited about!), and I have other acquaintances getting engaged and getting married. Spring and summertime seem to thrive on people falling in love and becoming twitterpated with each other. Older people are constantly asking me if there's a "man in my life." Even if there is a hint of a possibility for me to be in a relationship, I get so much grief about it, it's ridiculous. 

It's inevitable. And it's only going to get worse from here. 

I have always felt this pressure to find a husband and life partner as soon as I possibly can ("ring by spring!" which also makes me want to barf), even at an early age. Coming to JBU has heightened that pressure. JBU is kind of known for matching people up and getting that ring by spring. But what happens if I don't find my future husband at college?! If I don't, I may . . . *gasp* be single forever! I will be all alone with no one to share life with!

. . . People, seriously?! Since when is it a bad thing to be single?

Now, let me say that I am all for marriage. It's a wonderful thing from what I've been taught and from what I've seen and witnessed in my own life. I hope to be married someday. I do want to share my life with someone at my side for the rest of my life. 

However, I think so many people just wanna get hitched so they won't feel alone. Especially Christian young people, which I think is quite ironic. Let me explain why. As believers, we have a Savior, and the greatest Lover we could possibly have: that is Jesus Christ. He is the only one who can satisfy our desires and the only one who will never disappoint us or abandon us. Yet, we tend to put all of our hopes and dreams on one guy or gal, who is 1. not perfect, 2. will disappoint us at some point, and 3. won't satisfy us at all times. Yet, most of us deep down would rather have the latter than a divine romance with the King of Kings. Hmm. 

The apostle Paul was definitely an advocate for being single. But he also praises marriage. Basically, he commands you to be content with where God has you in your life. "If you are not married, do not seek a wife. If you are married, do not seek to be free" (slightly paraphrased from 1 Cor. 7:27). I struggle with this a lot, in both directions. Sometimes, I see others around me dating or in relationships, etc. and I'm like, "Man, I want to get married so badly," and other times I'm like, "No way, I don't need anyone!" Yeah . . . 

I really enjoy being single; it definitely has its perks. You can spend time with a lot of guy friends without feeling guilty, because you're really only supposed to be spending time with "your" guy. You don't have to worry about financial issues for another person if you were living by yourself. You don't have to work around another person's schedule to do something. There is just so much freedom in being single! 

Let me make a point: It's not the end of the world if you don't find your future spouse by the end of college!!!! I am most likely going to be one of those people. Not necessarily by choice, mind you, but knowing me, that might not be the plan that God has for me. If He does bring me to my future husband at JBU, wonderful. If not, then obviously it wasn't meant to be, and He has something else, something better in mind for me. Besides, I came to JBU to get a good, bonafide education in what I love, not to get my MRS degree. 

Sorry, this was kind of a rant more than a really encouraging post for you all, but I'm hoping it will encourage some of you regardless. :)

To Those Who Wait

Tomorrow will mark two weeks with a broken leg. It's kind of weird how fast time goes by and yet how slowly it goes at the same time. I want to enjoy my summer (even with a broken leg) but yet I want to get my cast on and off. I'm really trying not to complain, but I'm already starting to get sick of propping my leg up, taking an aspirin and an antibiotic a day. I'm tired of not being able to go anywhere. I'm sad that my dog can't hop up into my lap for me to cuddle with her. I'm tired of not being able to exercise.

But I think most of all, I'm tired of being a burden to my family. 

I know I've ruined their summer; I know they would much rather not have to wait on me for everything and watch me at home. I feel like I'm five again . . . It drives me crazy, too, because I'm such an independent person. I would much rather do things myself at my own pace. Sure, we've figured out a way for me to shower myself, to get down the steps and out the front door to sit on the front porch, and I'm able to sit up in a recliner now. Those are blessings, and I'm very grateful that I get to do those things. Yet, I still have to help dressing myself, I need to have someone there at all times with me to make sure I don't fall when I'm on my crutches (as I've been known to almost do), and the only places I've gone outside the house are the doctor's office and a few other places while we were out and about after the doctor's appointments. At least I've been out of the house . . . 

I really don't want to seem ungrateful. I promised myself I wouldn't be. And I'm not. I just wish I were able to do things myself so others wouldn't have to waste their time on me. 

It's been very humbling for me, and it's helped to teach me patience. 

One eye roll from one family member and a heavy sigh from another when I ask for things or help for something just add to the continual burden weighing on my heart. 

Last night, my sweet neighbors, Mrs. Lori Drake, and her daughter Katie came over to the front porch where Lindsey and I were sitting on chairs enjoying the beautiful evening. She came to give me a book to encourage me. I won't forget what she told me: "You may not know why this has happened to you, but God has a purpose for all of it." How right she is, and how easily I forget. 

Today, I broke down crying again, because I felt like more of a burden to my family than usual. Lindsey and my mom were trying to comfort me, saying that they loved me and knew it was hard for all of us. I know I can't help it, and neither can they deny that it was tiring to take care of me, but I feel helpless. I like to be in control and to be able to do things myself. I have had to rely on others to take care of me for the past two weeks. This splint (soon to be cast) on my leg is my chain that imprisons me from the freedom to go places, to work, to walk, to even bend my knee. 

I am a huge fan of Bethany Dillon's. When she and Shane & Shane came to Fayetteville last year for a concert at the beginning of the school year, she played a new song that she had written called "To Those Who Wait." I fell in love with it immediately. I had it in my head a few days ago, so I decided to buy it on iTunes. I've been listening to it nonstop for the past few days. It has been such a source of light and comfort to me; it echoes my heart, and it reminds me that He is "good to those who wait." I want to post the lyrics to close my post, and I hope you're encouraged by them as well. 

I am waiting on You,
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.

My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant. 
You say You’re good to those who wait. 

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.

Oh, wretched man that I am!
Free me from my distractions.
You say You’re good to those who wait. 

Then confession and repentance
Find me in the quiet.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Now I know You’re good to those who wait.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.

Oh, my soul,
Wait upon the Lord.
Keep your lamp filled with oil.
Oh, my soul,
Be not deceived!
Wait for Him.
Don’t be quick to leave.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.