To Those Who Wait

Tomorrow will mark two weeks with a broken leg. It's kind of weird how fast time goes by and yet how slowly it goes at the same time. I want to enjoy my summer (even with a broken leg) but yet I want to get my cast on and off. I'm really trying not to complain, but I'm already starting to get sick of propping my leg up, taking an aspirin and an antibiotic a day. I'm tired of not being able to go anywhere. I'm sad that my dog can't hop up into my lap for me to cuddle with her. I'm tired of not being able to exercise.

But I think most of all, I'm tired of being a burden to my family. 

I know I've ruined their summer; I know they would much rather not have to wait on me for everything and watch me at home. I feel like I'm five again . . . It drives me crazy, too, because I'm such an independent person. I would much rather do things myself at my own pace. Sure, we've figured out a way for me to shower myself, to get down the steps and out the front door to sit on the front porch, and I'm able to sit up in a recliner now. Those are blessings, and I'm very grateful that I get to do those things. Yet, I still have to help dressing myself, I need to have someone there at all times with me to make sure I don't fall when I'm on my crutches (as I've been known to almost do), and the only places I've gone outside the house are the doctor's office and a few other places while we were out and about after the doctor's appointments. At least I've been out of the house . . . 

I really don't want to seem ungrateful. I promised myself I wouldn't be. And I'm not. I just wish I were able to do things myself so others wouldn't have to waste their time on me. 

It's been very humbling for me, and it's helped to teach me patience. 

One eye roll from one family member and a heavy sigh from another when I ask for things or help for something just add to the continual burden weighing on my heart. 

Last night, my sweet neighbors, Mrs. Lori Drake, and her daughter Katie came over to the front porch where Lindsey and I were sitting on chairs enjoying the beautiful evening. She came to give me a book to encourage me. I won't forget what she told me: "You may not know why this has happened to you, but God has a purpose for all of it." How right she is, and how easily I forget. 

Today, I broke down crying again, because I felt like more of a burden to my family than usual. Lindsey and my mom were trying to comfort me, saying that they loved me and knew it was hard for all of us. I know I can't help it, and neither can they deny that it was tiring to take care of me, but I feel helpless. I like to be in control and to be able to do things myself. I have had to rely on others to take care of me for the past two weeks. This splint (soon to be cast) on my leg is my chain that imprisons me from the freedom to go places, to work, to walk, to even bend my knee. 

I am a huge fan of Bethany Dillon's. When she and Shane & Shane came to Fayetteville last year for a concert at the beginning of the school year, she played a new song that she had written called "To Those Who Wait." I fell in love with it immediately. I had it in my head a few days ago, so I decided to buy it on iTunes. I've been listening to it nonstop for the past few days. It has been such a source of light and comfort to me; it echoes my heart, and it reminds me that He is "good to those who wait." I want to post the lyrics to close my post, and I hope you're encouraged by them as well. 

I am waiting on You,
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.

My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant. 
You say You’re good to those who wait. 

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.

Oh, wretched man that I am!
Free me from my distractions.
You say You’re good to those who wait. 

Then confession and repentance
Find me in the quiet.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Now I know You’re good to those who wait.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.

Oh, my soul,
Wait upon the Lord.
Keep your lamp filled with oil.
Oh, my soul,
Be not deceived!
Wait for Him.
Don’t be quick to leave.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.