Well, it's been over a month since the last time I posted on here... I guess because nothing's really happened since then. False, there's been a lot going on, just nothing really "post-worthy." Until just recently, that is.
I'll start off by saying that I absolutely hate conflict. Most of you that know me well, know this fact. One of my top strengths is harmony: I keep the peace among my group of friends and step in where it needs to be taken care of. Another of my top strengths is belief: I am stubborn and my mind won't be swayed very easily to believing in something contrary to what I already believe in. Which are both very good things, but Satan is the master of twisting very good things into very ugly things.
Lately, I've noticed a lot of what I see as conflict among my friends. It has never been anything major, it just drives me crazy because I am a harmonious person, and to me, conflict = upset and unhappy people. This is not the case 99.9% of the time, but I seem to over-exaggerate the situation, and I see conflict negatively. I think that's because I have lost very good friends of mine over a single argument, and it has affected me a lot. Anywho, this certain thing has kept popping up in "discussions" that I have with some of my friends, and because it has made other friends annoyed/upset, I have felt the need to step in and say, "Enough's enough, let's move on" because I want everyone to be happy and get along with each other. Some of my friends feel the need to talk things over for a long time before it's all better again, and that drives me crazy! I'm the kind of person that apologizes/has someone apologize to me, and then all is forgiven, and then we move on immediately. I push it all in the past; what's done is done, and we can learn from our mistakes and move on. So, I tell my friends who are not like me that they don't need to talk things out for forever about what I feel like are really small issues that don't need to be discussed.
I also look at my friends and see the choices that they make. Let me make clear that these decisions are very wise decisions, and it is what's right for them. However, lately, I have just felt frustrated and sometimes angry with them because they're not doing what I personally would do, and I feel the need to tell them that they're doing it wrong. I believed very strongly that they weren't doing things the right way and that it would just be so much easier if they did it the way I would do it.
Both of these instances have hurt friends in some way. All because of my pride.
On Tuesday, we took communion in chapel. Tracy Balzer spoke on 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 (which is a passage focused on the Lord's supper). She explained that the word communion is linked with the community - we are people of community and we take communion together as a body of believers. She also focused on verse 18: there were divisions among the people in Corinth, and thus taking the Lord's supper in an unworthy manner. My mind went instantly to my friends and the situation I was in with them. Ironically, in what I thought was trying to keep the peace, I had actually created division among my friends, or at least encouraged it. I was convicted, but later was again confronted with the problem and made it worse. Talking it out with them this time, really truly listening to their side and understanding how they felt opened my eyes to the situation even more. This time, I truly felt sorry. My stupid pride had encouraged true conflict.
Even though we've talked it out and fixed everything for the most part, I have to remember that we are all different in so many ways; we were all raised in different backgrounds, families, environments, and we all have different personalities with different likes and dislikes. We should never try to "fix" our friends. (Unless they had a serious problem, then we definitely should encourage change...)
I remember talking with a friend last semester about something similar to this, and they told me that they learned this same truth: "We can't change our friends or the choices they make. Only God can do that. We can only love them and pray for them."
I have humbled myself before them and before God. It's so hard to do that, because we never want to own up when we're wrong. That's what needs to be done in every relationship, in friendship, marriage, etc. When both sides are willing to admit when they're wrong, then God can mold their hearts and thus the relationship is strengthened even more. We are called to live in humility: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5), "Humble yourselves before the Lord..." (James 4:10), "Whoever humbles himself [like this child] is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:4), and "'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6).
Another lesson (hopefully) learned... Thank God that He forgives me of ALL of the stupid stuff I say and do.
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