Never Alone

Being a commuter has its pros and cons. Some of the pros would be: I can definitely concentrate on homework better at home than I probably would on campus (because I get distracted SO easily; it's ridiculous), I have my own bedroom and bathroom, free food (even though it's not really free, but you know what I mean), and it IS nice to be able to come home at the end of a long day.

There are some cons, however... Like the fact that since I don't stay on campus, there are some things that I have to miss out on (especially if they're late at night or on the weekends), and then I've come to find out that even though everyone at JBU seems nice, everyone has their own little group that they hang out with all the time and do everything with. I am not part of any group, in my opinion. Because of this, I feel like I don't belong anywhere sometimes. And I have a huge tendency to feel lonely. Now, you may think, "Pfft, how pathetic is that?" Well, it probably is quite pathetic. But it's definitely something that I've been struggling with.

Now, please don't get me wrong; I have made some AMAZING friends at JBU. Some of the best, I'd say. But even they won't always be there to talk to me, especially when I really need them there to give me a hug (or give me a random candy bar -- there's a story behind this that I'll share!)

Even though I've been struggling with this since the beginning of the semester, God has used it for some good things (like He always does in my life). I've had some of the sweetest times with God when I'm by myself. Which is kind of a "duh!" thing. But until you really experience it for yourself, you really don't fully understand what it's like. Sometimes I'll find a random bench out on the quad (pretty much the middle of the campus) or sit under a tree, or even sit inside in Walker Student Center at one of the tables and do my devotional there. I've discovered some pretty awesome things by just sitting there reading or just enjoying God's creation for sometimes a whole hour! Don't get me wrong, I've still got a long way to go before I get this whole "quiet time" thing figured out...

There was something really cool that happened pretty recently; Monday, I had just gotten through a really weird weekend where it seemed like I was completely alone and that no one wanted to have anything to do with me. I happen to have those weird moods pretty frequently, sadly. Monday morning, I was driving to Siloam Springs like I do every day, and I thought to myself, "You know, I'm determined to have a good Monday! No matter what happens!" So I go about my day just like every other day. I had my voice lesson that day, and it happened to be one of those lessons where I felt incredibly good about the work I did during that time, and it's unusual because I literally have almost no confidence in myself whatsoever, especially my music. And then, all throughout the rest of my day, so many random people would come up to me and give me hugs and ask me how I was doing. You may think, "Well, seems pretty normal to me!" Even though it may seem normal, it just made me feel all the more loved and wanted.

I was about to go to Women's Chorus when one of my really good guy friends called out to me, "Hey Lauren!" I looked over, and there he was, standing there waving at me. I waved back, and he ran over and put something in my backpack side pocket. I was like, "Uhh, what did you just put into the side pocket?" He grinned like a little kid on Christmas morning and said, "Just look!"

I looked, and he had put a huge Twix candy bar in my side pocket. I was SO happy! "DUDE, this is awesome! You're amazing! But I feel like I should pay you back or something..." One of his friends was standing there and she said, "Don't even bother!" I smiled and headed to Women's Chorus.

I stayed on campus later than usual that evening because I had Passion group (like a prayer/Bible study group) that night. So some friends and I (one of them being the friend that gave me the candy bar) had a jam session in front of the science building, which was SO fun and awesome and contributed to the day's awesomeness!

After that, I had Passion group, and it was really good to just be around other girls and talk about stuff. After the meeting ended, I checked my phone and had FOUR text messages that were from different people asking me how I was doing, how my day was, and that they missed me! All I could think was, "WOW... I am so blessed!"

All that was to say that Monday was a good day, for various reasons. But the biggest reason was that it pointed to the fact that I DO have friends that care about me and genuinely love me. I don't know why it's so easy for me to forget, but it is! It also points to the fact that God genuinely loves me all the time, and He showers me with blessings sometimes, even though I don't realize it. And that I'm never alone, because He's always there with me! I always seem to forget that too.

Hopefully I can keep this really good Monday in my mind for a long time, so when I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I can remember how much I really am loved and how much I truly am blessed.