Finding Rest

I'm surprised I even heard my alarm go off this morning; it was set on the softest volume possible (not intentionally, of course). Not even the usual hot and steaming morning shower could fully wake me up this morning. I quickly blow-dried my hair and did the rest of my morning routine in a robot-like manner, and having had my backpack packed the night before, I thrust it over my sore shoulder and headed out the door.

It usually takes me a little over 30 minutes for me to drive to JBU every day. As I took my keys out of the ignition, I slammed the car door and started the trek to my class. I automatically reached for my phone in my backpack's side pocket, and felt nothing but my keys and chapstick. I felt again and again... Nothing. Then I suddenly remembered. "AUGH! I left it on my sink while I was getting ready." That's been the second time that I've left my phone at home. Ever. This proved my exhaustion. Running on a little over ten hours of sleep over the past 48 hours tends to leave you feeling like you've been run over by a train.

While it was relieving not to have it around to distract me the whole day, I felt helpless without it. What if I were to drive back home and get in a car wreck on the way?! I would have no way to contact anyone. What if I had forgotten something important that I had to do today?!

Turns out, there WAS something.

After a wonderful chapel service consisting of about 200 really cute second graders singing us Christmas songs, I walked into my Intro to Statistics class, feeling good about turning in my assignment. As I sat down, my professor told us to put our books under our desks. Then he started handing out tests. ....THE TEST!

I gasped to myself. I was so worried about getting all my other assignments done that I had completely forgotten about this!!! I told myself not to panic, that it was hard to really study for a math test anyway, since all you had to know was how to do the problems. So I forced myself not to stress about it, and I felt pretty good about it.

I got out of class 30 minutes early because of the test, so I headed to Walker Student Center. I got my assigned reading for Gateway class done. The last chapter of the book was one page long, but spoke volumes to me, more than any other chapter I had read before in that book. My Gateway professor, who had written the book as a personal memoir a while back, wrote the chapter on Moses when he was complaining to the Israelites about how he couldn't keep up with everyone's problems up on the mountain. Then the Lord told him that he had stayed on the mountain too long.

The last paragraph of Confessions of an Amateur Believer, the book I was reading for Gateway, stood out to me the most:

"Usually it's at night, and my worries are about my children and their rages, my students and their problems, my husband and his stress, my job and its exigencies. And if, in the darkness, I stop worrying to listen - which I often don't, or can't, or won't - I hear God's voice under the narrative of my own worries and accusations: That's enough. Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Move on. Trust in me. Go to sleep." (Kirk 266)

This was the exact situation I was in last night. I got in bed late to begin with, trying to prepare for the next day (and in the days ahead). The time I spend laying in my bed before finally drifting off to sleep maybe an hour later is my time to think over what I need to do when I get up the next morning or what I've got going on the rest of the week, what I need to prepare for, what do I need to remember, etc. Every time I would start to nod off, I would think of something I needed to do, like send a Facebook message to someone about canceling something, or figuring out when my finals were just so I could get that situated as far in advance as possible, or putting out clothes for the next day that I had forgotten to put out. Then as soon as I would start to nod off again, I'd have to do something else. Then after a few more times of getting up to do something, I convinced myself to stay in my bed. But it would still be an hour or two before I finally relinquished my mind and body to rest...

With all of that being said, after I had read that chapter for Gateway class, I picked up my Bible and flipped the pages over to Matthew 11:28-30, in which Jesus says:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I closed my Bible and took a deep breath of relief. No matter how crazy the next few weeks will be, God remains in control of everything.

He is the God of peace.

How comforting that is in knowing that He is carrying me through this crazy time in my life even now, and how comforting it is in knowing that everything will work out in the end!