Placing My Gifts at His Feet

I am speechless.

All I felt like doing was run in circles, screaming from the abundance of joy in my heart. I actually did that Friday night standing in the middle of Walker Student Center in the middle of my friends' circle! I couldn't stop giggling and my hands were shaking from so much excitement. I had just sung for JBU's annual Christmas Candlelight service for the second night in a row this year, so I was already extremely happy. I checked my mailbox after the service because I had forgotten to earlier that day. I saw I had a letter from the Next Big Thing people. I snatched it and tore it open. I hesitated to read it at first, because I thought to myself, "I hope this isn't a rejection letter..." For as many things as I had tried out for this semester, I had gotten more rejection from people this semester than I have probably my whole life. I had tried out for the Next Big Thing, originally because my mom suggested that I should.

"It'll be a great opportunity for you!" she reassured me after I told her I was fully convinced that I wouldn't make it, considering that I was a freshman and that there were MUCH better songwriters/performers than me. "Even if you don't make it, you'll know how to work harder for next time." I agreed, and practiced one of the songs I had written a long time ago. Tryouts went surprisingly well, but I had to wait for weeks to find out the results.

So, opening the letter in my hand, I read:

"Dear Lauren,

Congratulations! On behalf of the entire Next Big Thing Judging Panel, it is my pleasure to inform you that the judges have selected you to move on to the final round of the Next Big Thing. . ."

I only had to read the first few words. I'm pretty sure I looked absolutely ridiculous screaming my head off and jumping with ecstasy in the middle of the student center!

Driving home from JBU that night, only one thought repeated in my mind: Why me?

If any of you know me, you will know that I am the least confident person in the world. I love music, and one of my dreams is to record my own CD, because I want that to be part of my ministry. I know I am a decent musician. However, performing in front of people TERRIFIES me. My throat dries up instantly, and my hands shake uncontrollably. I've gotten better at being confident, but I still have a LONG way to go.

In my mind, I am the least qualified person to be chosen. So... Why me?

God could've said "no" to me again. But He didn't.

The only thing I can think of is that God is telling me, "Alright, Lauren, I'm giving you this opportunity. I'm going to bless you. But now you must give it back to me. Give me all you've got. Use your gifts for MY glory."

My wise mother once told me, "Trust God in the little things; THEN the big things will come."

Before Candlelight started for the third night in a row, the night after I found out I was a finalist for the Next Big Thing, the women's chorus' devotional for the night was about the three wise men. I had heard this story a million and one times. When Kate Dewey shared the story this time, though, it gave it so much more meaning for me. Think of three noble kings, actual kings, traveling so far to catch a glimpse of this little Jewish baby. How strange it would've been to see this happen. . . I picture them riding their lumbering camels in a dry, dusty desert to find this child. They arrive at the little shack of a house that belonged to Mary and Joseph, just in time to see the stars peek out of their hiding places. At the first sight of Jesus, they instantly collapse to the ground, bowing down to this Jewish toddler. They gave him the most extravagant gifts (the ones we can all name from memory: gold, frankincense, myrrh). What strange but beautiful and costly gifts these must've been! But the three kings gave him their best gifts that they could offer, because they knew in their hearts that Jesus was the Messiah.

This convicts me so much. . . Am I giving Christ my best gifts? Am I laying them down at His feet, ready and willing to let Him have His way with me and use me for something so wonderful and great?

With this in mind, I have absolutely no idea where the next few months are going to take me with this. All I know is that it's going to be a good semester in the spring. :)

Lord, thank you for allowing me to be used in such an incredible way. Let the words and the notes that I pen down be glorifying to Your awesome and holy name. Continue to guide and direct my steps, down the path that You want me to walk on. Amen.