A Lesson Learned

I wrote this essay for my Gateway class this semester - we had to write about a lesson God had taught us. There were SO many I could write about, but this one stuck out the most in my mind (and was the most recent). I hope you learn something from it and take it to heart!



A Not-So Hidden Promise

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 ESV)

By my senior year of high school, I knew I was going to college, and I knew what I was going to be majoring in. I just hadn’t figured out where God wanted me to be. I knew I wanted to go to a Christian college, because integrating my faith in with my academics had been a huge part of my education for a long time, and I wanted to continue that in my higher education. As to where I was supposed to be or would eventually end up, that was harder to figure out.

After months of headaches from staring at my laptop screen for hours on end researching different colleges, I narrowed my list down to two: College of the Ozarks and John Brown University. Both are rather small, but good-sized non-denominational Christian colleges, where the population consisted of one to two thousand students; just right for me. Both were home to breathtaking campuses, strongly encouraged building your faith and walk with God along with using your brain to the best of your ability, and both were home to exceptional music programs (which is what I had decided on majoring in).

Numerous were the nights as I lay in my firm bed, turning myself and my sheets around in the darkness, where I would faintly whisper over and over, “Lord, where do I go?” When March rolled around, I was still unsettled and indecisive about where God wanted me. I was already accepted at JBU, but still hadn’t heard back from College of the Ozarks. However, my heart ached to go to College of the Ozarks. Feeling like God wasn’t answering me, I told God, “I know You want me somewhere specific. I know you will close doors if You don’t want me some place. College of the Ozarks is so much easier to pay for, it’s a few hours away but not too far away, and I would finally be out of the house and on my own in a way,” I reasoned. “If they accept me, I’ll go there. If not, I know you want me at JBU, so I’ll go there.”

It was a week after that when I crouched in my small car, holding the letter that would determine my college life with shaking hands. My eyes rushed through the words:

“Dear Lauren,
We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted to College of the Ozarks…”

I didn’t need to read any more. God had given me His answer. All the saliva drained from my mouth, and my parched lips twitched. I closed my eyes and my chest felt like it had taken a nose-dive into a mineshaft. I forced out a few chuckles, but in just one minute, my eyes were gushing salty water. Realizing that I was still sitting in my little white Toyota Corolla parked by our brick mailbox, my fingers swept away the torrential downpour from the corners of my eyes and my puffy cheeks and drove back up my driveway.

A few minutes later, I was in the safety of my room to think over what just happened. My head knew that I should be happy that I had gotten an answer, but my heart wasn’t there yet. I didn’t want to admit it to God, but I was disappointed and bitter. That was because I was like a toddler who didn’t get what I wanted. Then I recognized what my problem was: I had told God that I wanted to know His plans, but I wanted them to match up with my own.

It took several months through my freshman year at John Brown University to truly convince myself in both my head and my heart, that God has a specific plan for my life and that He can see the whole picture; I cannot. He is an all-knowing, all-powerful, and loving God. He works things out for the good of those who love and serve Him. I’ve seen it in my own life before. Because of that, I can trust Him completely and be able to give my plans and dreams up to Him for Him to either use as part of His or to give me something even better.

Lord, I see that You’re at work in my life here at JBU; help me to remember that I am here for Your glory and Your purposes. Amen.