Thoughts about loneliness...

I've been reading Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot for the past week or so since I've had the time to do some "fun" reading. I had heard lots of good things about it, and I had bought it a while ago, but hadn't gotten the chance to read it, so I picked it up one night and started reading.

It's amazing how close to home Elisabeth Elliot hits with what she says. Another one of my friends said about her, "I love how direct and unapologetic she is." I also wonder sometimes if she has read my mind or heard my heart, because she echos so many of my questions and thought processes in her book.

There was one quote from a chapter that really smacked me in the face, which says,

"Taken in a spirit of trust, even loneliness contributes to the maturing of character, even the endurance of separation and silence and that hardest thing of all, uncertainty, can build in us a steady hope."

I remembered James 1:2-4, which pretty much says the same thing, saying that trials that we go through produces steadfastness, which helps us in the sanctification process (although you really should look up the verses and read them for yourself; James is one of my absolute favorite books!)

I guess it was one of those things that I had thought about, but I never fully understood that even something so small a problem and yet so big of one as loneliness is still a trial. I know I never thought about it as being one. Trials to me usually meant that you were dealing with a major health problem or that you were being persecuted for your faith. And those ARE trials. However, even the little things can be and can become a major problem and need to be dealt with.

What I've learned about loneliness this semester is this: I am most lonely when I've barely taken a thought about God. It is when I get so caught up in my own problems and what I can do to fix things and what I don't have that I get unsatisfied with where I am in life, who I'm with, what I'm doing, EVERYTHING. Then everything seems to fall apart again. But it's SUCH a good thing it happens, and I'm so grateful for it. Wanna know why?

1. It drives me to my knees in prayer, which in turn...

2. Leads me back to the cross and to Christ's waiting arms of love.

Christ is always there, ready and waiting for me to run back to Him. Even when I've dug myself into such a deep hole that I feel like I can't climb back out, He's got a rope, a ladder, whatever it takes to pull me back up out of the pit and back to Him again.

Funny thing about loneliness is, I always bring it upon myself, in a way. Since Christ is always there, it is ALWAYS me. I am the one who inches farther away from His side to see if I can do things my way for a change. Guess what? It never works out.

So, the question of the century: why do I keep running away?

Because, ladies and gents, I am a sinner who never learns.

Praise God that He is able to use painful things like loneliness to draw me back into His loving embrace for another chance.