Yesterday morning, I went to callbacks for this year's musical at JBU: You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. We first learned some choreography (which was fun, even with my foot still slightly handicapped), read aloud lines, and sang some of the songs. It was a lot of fun, and it looked promising. I felt like I had done a really good job.
The list of the cast was sent out tonight. I was placed in the chorus. Which is not a bad thing at all! I get to be in the musical and sing with a handful of other girls that I've come to know and love. :) However, when I first found out that I didn't get a lead part (which was really only two female parts overall to be picked for, meaning a very slim chance for most of us girls), I was slightly crushed. I don't handle rejection well. It's not that I get mad at people or anything, but deep down, it turns into me beating myself up about it: what's wrong with me? I thought I had done well, was I not good enough? It seems like every time I try out for a play or something of the sort, I always receive or feel some sort of rejection every time I get the slightest of hopes up. (And people wonder why I am not confident in myself . . .)
As I was thinking about that tonight, one of the songs from the musical, "The Doctor Is In," came to my mind. In the song, Charlie Brown is depressed and Lucy tries to help him "dig deep" to get to the real problem and give him advice. Charlie Brown proceeds to tell her all of the things that are wrong with him, and he questions why he was "born just to be, one small person as thoroughly, totally, utterly blah as me." Lucy, meaning well, continues with even more things that are wrong with him and that no one likes him. (Poor guy!) But then, she goes on to say that there is hope for him, because even though he isn't musical, happy, etc. like everyone else, there was no one else like him: "the singular, remarkable, unique Charlie Brown." To which he realizes: "I'm me!" There is so much truth to be gained from this song, and the wonderful thing about this musical is that the truth in these songs doesn't just apply to kids; it applies to everyone, adults included. Everyone tends to feel insecure about themselves at some point. But we are all unique and have different gifts that are important in the kingdom of God. Sometimes, I wish I could sing like my friends who have voices of angels. Sometimes I wish I had grown up more a theater kid like some of my friends who are fantastic at playing the part. A lot of the time, I feel average or mediocre at a lot of things. I feel like Charlie Brown: "thoroughly, totally, utterly blah."But I have to remember that "I'm me!" All of 1 Corinthians 12 talks about how many people have different gifts that can be used to connect and unite the body; no one person is more important than the others. Behind-the-scenes people are just as, if not more important than the actors because they keep the show going and flowing more smoothly. I need to remember that each person has been given different gifts that can be used to further His kingdom. God has given me gifts that He hasn't given to other people.
And you know what? I am still in the musical, and I'm even singing in it!! I just didn't get a speaking/lead role. Practically speaking, where I was placed was the best decision: I'm taking 18 hours this semester as a music major (which is really hard and whenever I tell people that, they always pat me on the shoulder and "comfort" me . . . which kinda scares me . . .) I'm going to be really really busy with other things besides the musical. Sure, it's always been one of my dreams to be a lead/important role in a musical, but there will be other opportunities for me to try again. Then I have to wonder if I will ever get to have that opportunity. I hope so, but maybe that's not what God has in mind for me. Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. God will do what is ultimately best for everyone. Sometimes He completely changes the plans I have, but it ALWAYS turns out better than I could've ever imagined. He's done a good job of that in my own life so far. ;)
Yes, humility is yet another hard pill to swallow, but a necessary one for everyone. I pray that I would make much more of Him and much less of me, that my pride would diminish in size every day. May He be glorified through me no matter what I do.
No comments:
Post a Comment