The other day, I realized that we had 1 week until Thanksgiving Day. Which means that we had 3 weeks until Candlelight services at JBU. Which means the week after that is finals week.
After this semester ends, I will have exactly a year left until I graduate college.
This makes me want to scream for joy and fear at the same time. There's a part of me that feels like I have so much left to do while I'm in this season of my life. I feel like I have so much more to learn, so much left to participate in, so much left of me to pour into my friends. And yet, I feel convicted. I haven't been spending a whole lot of time with my friends lately. I know everyone's lives start going crazy towards the end of the semester, but yet I feel so out of touch with them. I had dinner with a few of them the other night and realized that some big stuff was going on with them, and I had no idea. At the same time, I am conflicted. How do I pour into my friends and keep up with boyfriend, family, homework/grades, and just keeping my room clean??
Sometimes I often wonder if I'm really making an impact in anyone's life. This is not an "I wish I mattered to people, oh woe is me" plug; this is a genuine concern that I have. What am I doing to leave the impression of Christ on someone's heart? Am I just simply living life day by day, just to get by or even to get ahead of others?
There are so many things I hear all the time about how we all need to do something incredible with our lives. Half of the people I notice around me are overachievers: tutoring, working out, involved in social groups, and keep straight A's while others just struggle to get by each day in just getting homework done. I look around me and feel like so many people have it all figured out, and at the same time have impacted so many people by the work they do. Me? I'm either stuck in my bedroom at home or in the first floor of the cathedral doing homework when I'm not in class. Is what I'm doing with my life right now completely meaningless? In the midst of all the craziness of my life, am I really pouring into my friends and other people I happen to meet? Am I "reaching my full potential"?
We had a guest speaker come speak to us in chapel the other day, and he spoke on not wasting your life. I saw the first slide of the powerpoint and thought, "Oh great, another charismatic speaker wanting us to go do something 'big' with our life." I've heard so many other speakers talk on this subject before, that I've just basically learned to listen through one ear and out the other with this subject.
This speaker was not charismatic. The man had never spoken in a second language (which to him was English) to an audience before. It terrified him. He told us that that wouldn't get in his way of doing what he knew he had to do.
He read and explained the parable of the talents in Matt. 25:14-30. The first two men were given several talents and used them to the best of their ability. They didn't know what was going to happen with them; all they knew was that they had been given a gift and that they needed to use them. The other third man hid his away. The reasons for why we can hide our talents and not use them are: we procrastinate, thinking that we'll have more time later; we have a wrong view of who God is, that we think He's an unloving harsh God who would smite us at the moment we fail; and/or we are fearful (which honestly ties into a wrong view of God). As the speaker explained these reasons, I felt a tug at my heart. I know I am guilty of all three of the above.
How do I fix this? The answer is that I can't do all of these things by myself. I would get so tired in trying. I have to let God work in me and through me. All I have to do is trust God to get me through, and He will.
Another question is: am I being passive in my living or am I actively living my life in the place I am called to? I have to be content with the fact that I AM in the place where I am supposed to be. But am I getting by in that place or am I an encouragement to my friends and classmates? Do I help others out with things they need help with? Do I make good, worthwhile conversation?
Sometimes, I feel like I'll have more time to do "important things" after I graduate, because then I can get a job in ministry, or be able to lead a group of young women in a Bible study, etc. I have to keep telling myself that life is not going to slow down anymore after graduation next fall. The time is NOW. If I keep putting things off until "later", they will never get done. I don't like procrastinating on homework, so why should I procrastinate in using my talents for His glory? Why should I be fearful in talking about Jesus with others when God has given me the love of meeting new people? Why am I afraid to share the Gospel with others when God has given me all the answers in His word? I have nothing to be afraid of. I have all the answers and the entire message that I need to share. I DO have time.
We are the light of the world. We also have a very short time here on earth. What are going to do with that time? Obedience that is delayed is still disobedience. Friends, let us not live life passively. Let's not bury our gifts in a hole so that they are never used. Whatever we do, let's do it for His glory.
Let's make His name known with the talents HE has given us.
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