Some People Won't Come With You

We've just moved out of the season of thankfulness, and now we're moving into the season of joyful anticipation: the celebration of the birth of Christ. This is a magical time of year when we listen to Bing Crosby and Michael Buble croon on the radio, behold the splendor that is Christmas lights, watch our breath in the cold air, and give to others. It's a blessed time of year, filled with lots of little happy moments.

... I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not feeling very happy at the moment. In fact, my heart has been in a whirlwind pretty much this whole semester. There are so many uncertainties in my life: will I be good at my new job? Will I keep any of my friends from JBU? Will they even be sad that I'm not there? How many actually want to stay in my life? Will I make any new ones? Can't I just be okay with not knowing how things are going to turn out? Joy and contentment seem so distant these days...

As a good friend of mine has [accurately] said, "I feel like I'm having [the topic of] joy being pushed down my throat." We are told that if we are anxious, that we are sinning and not trusting in God enough. I know we are commanded not to worry in the Bible. I know it undermines God's authority and power if I do worry. So, why do I still feel helpless?

The truth is, the most likely reason why I feel anxious about the future is because I feel entitled to a good one. I want to be in control, I want things to go my way, in my timing. I want so badly to hold tightly to all of my friends that I've made in the past few years.

I stumbled across a blog post about life changes just recently. As I was reading, the author made some statements:

"Life changes happen, across the board. And no matter how your life changes — whether it's moving across the country, getting an illness, losing a parent, shifting jobs, or having a baby — some people won't come with you to the next phase. 

Some people won't come with you. 

And that's okay. 

... 

You will make more friends. That's one thing that never changes, no matter how old we are. No matter how impossible it seems, or how long it takes, you CAN find your people. 

... 

The more we all navigate through life changes — the more perspective we all gain through simply experiencing life — the easier it is to stick together. Because the ones who matter — the ones who get the new, changed you  — will stay with you."

Reading this has helped put some things into perspective for me; even though I want to take everyone with me to my next stage of life, some of the friends I've made at JBU won't be a part of that new stage of life. As much as I hate the thought of it because I love everyone there so much, it's true. There's a sacredness to certain people only being a part of your life in a certain time and place. It's okay to keep them there, to treasure them in that chapter of your story. There will always be times when I look back at the people I've gotten to know at college and people I've grown to love and care about deeply, and I will always be reminded of how loved I've been, how encouraged I was to pursue my passion, and how much people truly believed in my abilities even when I doubted myself. 

I will still continue to struggle with anxiety and depression here and there, but this (along with talking to friends) has helped me some in my journey.

I love all of you dearly, and I hope you will continue to pray for me as I finish out my last 3 weeks (yep, only 3 left!) of college, of my time at JBU.