Well folks, it's now the day of the year where we all reflect on what's happened in the past year, adn I will say that it's been quite the year for me. I would even go so far as to call it "the year of change." I honestly didn't anticipate half of the things that occurred during the course of it, but I guess that's the beauty of living your life: you don't know what will happen until it does.
I've shared with you guys before that change is not something that is easy for me to accept or to just "roll with it". I know some people aren't a big fan of or accept the whole Myers-Briggs personality thing, but honestly, it's helped me to learn a lot more about myself and how I tick (and what I can work on) than if I didn't know it. I'm an ENFJ, and basically what that means is: I'm the "teacher type". I draw my energy from being around people (Extrovert), I love ideas and things that are potential & love writing/journaling to sort out my thoughts (iNtuition), I'm more driven by emotions/mercy than logic (Feeling), and lastly, I love order & structure and am driven by routine (Judging). That last one seems to bite me in the behind more than the others, and I highly believe that this was the year that the Lord was working long and hard on me for it.
I crave order, structure, and predictability. I think to an extent we all do as human beings, because it is a safe place, a comfort zone. We know what to expect, and we can be in charge of things when we know what will happen.
God turned my world upside down this year in so many ways that I didn't know he would.
I didn't know that I would have 4 different jobs in this year alone. It's hard to learn new skills and get used to new managers and co-workers, but each job that I've worked for has gotten better and better. I love the people I'm working with now, and I love my job. It is good for now, and I am content with it, but I am content with knowing that my Father in heaven may have something even better in mind for me in the future. If there is something, He will provide it and will provide the way for me to pursue it.
I didn't know that I would break off a 2-year relationship. It was one of the hardest decisions that I've ever made, but it was for the better. I honestly thought we were going to get married after we graduated, but we just ended up being two different people with different end goals. We weren't right for each other, and I finally had to let go of the comfort and the utterly selfish desire of merely having a boyfriend just so I wouldn't feel alone. It wasn't fair for him, and it wasn't fair for me either.
I didn't know that my last semester would dramatically change from its original plans. After the breakup, I had the desire to do the musical, because I had time I could spare. I also only had 9 credit hours to complete to be able to graduate, so why would I pay for full-time student status if that's all I had left to complete? My advisor was SO awesome to be able to meet with me and change my schedule (almost completely from what it was previously), and was completely supportive of everything I wanted to do.
I didn't know that I would get [one of] the lead roles for the musical this year. It was completely unexpected, and I wasn't even going to try out for it until after I broke up with my boyfriend. It was like I was able to be free and do whatever I wanted to in my last semester of college; I wasn't tied to anyone, so I could make my own choices. I decided I would try out for it just a few weeks before auditions. The day of auditions, I thought I would try out for the lead, just for the heck of it. I honestly thought I would only get a chorus part, and I was okay with that. I just knew this was potentially my last chance to get to be in a musical, period, and I wanted to jump at the chance. That night, I got the email saying I had gotten the lead female role, and I was shocked. This was a dream of mine that I had had for years, and it had finally come true. I had so much fun and it was so rewarding for me to play that part!
I didn't know that half of my senior recital repertoire would change the semester of my recital. I had it all planned out the semester before, because we were getting a new voice teacher my last semester, and it would be less work for me and her to have it all planned out. But half of the rep ended up not working out or learned, and so we had to change them. It was so hard to learn 5 more songs in just two months, along with writing program notes for each of the 10 songs and their respective composers. The day of my recital though, when I got up on that stage and sang my heart out, I realized how worth the hard work was.
I didn't know how busy I was going to be regardless of my part-time student status. Not only was I preparing for my senior recital and playing a lead role in the musical, but I also worked a part-time job, had other classes, taught private guitar lessons, and was assistant conductor for not just one, but TWO choirs this semester. It was jam-packed, and it took a toll on my health for a good portion of the semester, but once again, it was all so worth the work.
I didn't know how hard it was going to be to graduate from college and move on to the next phase of my life. For several years, all I wanted was to get done with school so I could "do something good with my life." But then, I got to my last semester, and all I seemed to feel was this heartache of leaving my friends and the life I had known for the past few years. I had gotten comfortable at JBU, and now I had to leave. I didn't want to leave my friends behind and start over. Then I realized that I wasn't supposed to live a comfortable life, that I was meant for more than just school, homework, etc. JBU has taught me so much, and I will always treasure what I have done and learned there, but nobody is meant to be in school forever. There is a phase of life beyond it that everyone has to look forward to and prepare for.
Finally, I didn't know that I would finally be at peace with not knowing what lies ahead.
That is a shocking statement that I just made. ME, of all people, being okay with not knowing the future?! How can that be?
Maybe it's because God has so rocked my world this year, that I've gotten used to things changing. Maybe I've learned to embrace it, and it's now exciting to me instead of being scary or horrifying. Learning to let go of your fears and/or plans and give your cares to the Lord is one of the most rewarding things you can ever do (besides accepting Him as your Savior).
Friends, I encourage you as you step into the new year: whatever season of life you're currently in or about to embark on, I pray that you will take a deep breath, let go of your fears and plans, and let God completely take control of your life. COMPLETELY. That is so much easier said than done, and it won't happen in an instant, but if you're willing, God will grow you into a person that is more like Him and will provide whatever you need.
Blessings and love to all of you as you start a new year! Here's to 2015 and the events that will unfold in it.
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