After semi-slamming the car door shut, I shudder from the chilly air surrounding me. I look up, admiring the black sky and sparkling stars. I sit with a cup of coffee, staring at our little Christmas tree with all the lights and ornaments and things. I take my camera out of its bag to capture the details of nature around me. I get an incredible thrill from sitting in the audience of a choir or instrumental concert (better yet, be in one). I can spend hours journalling or blogging about my life. I craft decorations for my room while sitting on my bed late at night. While blaring my favorite Spotify playlist, I put my canvas on the table, pick up my brush, dip it in the paint, and spend hours gliding on all sorts of colors and textures.
All of that is to say this: I love art. I love beautiful things. I love being creative.
There are times when I struggle with the fact that I'm right-brained. There are times I feel like being an artsy person isn't practical: what's the use in painting? In taking photographs? In designing something? In being an admirer in a museum?
Well, here's some questions: why do some people pay millions of dollars for a painting or piece of art? Why do we buy music? Why do we hire interior decorators to help us with our homes? Why do we love looking at photos of ordinary people or places?
We value things of beauty.
I think it's largely due to the fact that we are created in the image of God. God is the divine Creator, who took care to create everything GOOD. In creating human beings, He called us VERY good. God cares about things of beauty, because He had and continues to have a divine standard for everything He creates. God Himself is good. Because of these characteristics of His, we must possess this aspect of Him also.
God is also a God of logic and order. Things make sense with Him, everything has a meaning. Science, math, etc. are incredibly important to Him because the universe would obviously not run the way it was supposed to if it didn't make sense. (This is my credit to all those left-brainers out there.)
To all my right-brained friends out there, we have been given gifts to appreciate and to make art out of our surroundings. We have an important job to show the world the beauty of God's creation in whatever art form He has gifted us in: music, painting, photography, writing, design, etc. It gives such glory to God. And that is the most important purpose we can have as human beings.
May we never forget that.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow
I'm currently sitting on our couch in the apartment, with candles lit, Christmas lights and tree already up and plugged in, laughing at my roommates who are trying to figure out how to use my keurig. Just sitting here, I can already name several things I'm thankful for: awesome roommates, a really nice place to live, the fact that we can celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas as much as we want, even my cup of coffee that I was able to make this morning...
A lot has happened over the past year, all of which I'm thankful for. (I won't go into detail about everything, because you can read about most of it in my previous blog post.) To add to it, though, I have family on both sides that not only love me, but they love each other. We're going to be joined together in just a few hours to share a meal and reflect on blessings. I have made lifelong friends through my church this year, and I've become more involved in serving my church. I've continued in being discipled by our youth pastor's wife, and I grow so much in my faith and walk with the Lord the longer I meet with her. These things have given me the greatest joy I've ever had, because we were made for community, to live alongside of other believers in Christ and serve one another/the Lord as Jesus did while He was on earth (Philippians 2).
I can honestly say that I've never felt so much at peace as I do now in this stage of life. Looking back on how I felt last year about graduating, how I was nervous, not sure where life would take me, not sure if I would be happy or at peace. I had been so comfortable in my life at JBU, and I didn't want to leave it. Looking back at this past year, though, I can truly say that God completely took control of my life, literally handed me two jobs that I love, brought Andrew and I together, caused Jenn to have a wreck on the way home from school so she could come live with us, gave me time to meet with women who I love and respect, and so much more.
Friends, if you ever have any doubt about God being good or sovereign, think again. I have so many awesome stories of His faithfulness under my belt that I LOVE sharing with everyone. He has grown my faith so much this year, and He will carry the good work that He began in me into completion until His return to earth one day. And what a day that will be!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Amen.
A lot has happened over the past year, all of which I'm thankful for. (I won't go into detail about everything, because you can read about most of it in my previous blog post.) To add to it, though, I have family on both sides that not only love me, but they love each other. We're going to be joined together in just a few hours to share a meal and reflect on blessings. I have made lifelong friends through my church this year, and I've become more involved in serving my church. I've continued in being discipled by our youth pastor's wife, and I grow so much in my faith and walk with the Lord the longer I meet with her. These things have given me the greatest joy I've ever had, because we were made for community, to live alongside of other believers in Christ and serve one another/the Lord as Jesus did while He was on earth (Philippians 2).
I can honestly say that I've never felt so much at peace as I do now in this stage of life. Looking back on how I felt last year about graduating, how I was nervous, not sure where life would take me, not sure if I would be happy or at peace. I had been so comfortable in my life at JBU, and I didn't want to leave it. Looking back at this past year, though, I can truly say that God completely took control of my life, literally handed me two jobs that I love, brought Andrew and I together, caused Jenn to have a wreck on the way home from school so she could come live with us, gave me time to meet with women who I love and respect, and so much more.
Friends, if you ever have any doubt about God being good or sovereign, think again. I have so many awesome stories of His faithfulness under my belt that I LOVE sharing with everyone. He has grown my faith so much this year, and He will carry the good work that He began in me into completion until His return to earth one day. And what a day that will be!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Amen.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Updates on the Life of Lauren
A lot can happen in just 7 months. My life is proof of that.
(I figure I might as well just come here and word-vomit all of the stuff that is currently going on in my life, because a lot has happened since I last updated this thing.)
Since I have graduated college in December, I have been looking for the full time job that would fit me best and would fit the needs I would have for post-college life. I had been working at Massage Envy up in Rogers at the front desk for 7 months, and while I enjoyed it a lot, at the pay I was making, there was no way that I would be able to provide for myself as far as living on my own goes. I also knew it wasn't what I wanted to do long-term. I had applied to several music jobs in surrounding areas and in different states, and nothing really happened with those. However, in February, I got an email from Ecclesia College asking if I would be able to come in for an interview for the Prep program's older choir director. I had assisted my friend Caroline with the choir the previous semester, and I really enjoyed it and got to know the students pretty well. I went in for an interview the next day and got offered the job the day after that! I didn't even have to seek out that job opportunity; it was practically placed in my lap lovingly by my God and Father who knew I had desired a music job. I continued to work for Massage Envy for another 5 months, all the while trying to find a better paying job with better working hours during the week. In June, I had applied to Providence Academy for the elementary music teacher position that was posted on their website. I went in for several interviews and felt really good about them. However, I was told that I would only be working 2 days a week for a few hours those days, but of course I would be lesson planning like crazy in my spare time. The Sunday after the last interview with Providence, a man from my church came up to me and asked if I was looking for a job. I said yes I was, and he offered me the chance to apply for a front desk job: it was secretarial work with one-on-one interaction with each lab of his in the building and with our customers, with an 8-5 M-F work schedule. I was thrilled to hear about it, and I followed through and applied, even interviewed with them all of that week. (Once again, God placed the opportunity in my hands; I've started seeing a pattern here.) On that Friday, I heard from the lab that I was offered the position, and literally 15 minutes after that I was offered the job at Providence. These were two really great opportunities, how could I possibly choose?! I ended up choosing the job at the lab for several reasons (because I'm sure some of you are really confused as to why I wouldn't take the other music job): one, it was a consistent, every week day schedule, and they were willing to work with the fact that I needed to leave early on Thursday afternoons to teach choir at Ecclesia; secondly, it was salary pay and had insurance benefits whereas Providence didn't. If I had gone with the Providence job, I would have to make time to lesson plan for both them AND Ecclesia every week, as well as plan for AWANA music at church (of which I had also committed my time to on Sunday afternoons). That would have been a lot of music to plan for! I would have also had to work a few days a week at Massage Envy to make more money. It just seemed to make more sense to go with the lab job, and I'm so thankful I did! My coworkers are so encouraging and patient with me as I learn everything (including scientific terms that I don't have any clue about), and even help explain the processes of certain tests they run. I can firmly say that I love my job, and I don't regret my choices at all!
I have also been dating one of the most Godly men I know since mid-February (of which I will have to write out our story at some point in the future). I can say wholeheartedly that he always points me to Jesus for everything; he leads me well in our relationship. Andrew spoils me with flowers, makes me laugh, is incredibly patient with me when I'm moody, gives great hugs, and he treats me like a princess. He is also incredibly honest with me, and the way he handles conflict is a breath of fresh air. I got to witness his baptism at our church a few months ago, and I couldn't be more proud of his growing love for the Lord and his hunger for truth and growth in righteousness. I am incredibly blessed by him every day!
Lindsey had made a friend at cosmetology school named Jenn, and long story short, she came to live with us in March, and it has been an awesome thing for all of us! Now we are all super close and we're going to be apartment-mates in the next few weeks! Which brings me to the next update....
Yes, Lindsey, Jenn, and I are all moving out of my parents' house in the next few weeks and we'll be moving to a really nice apartment mid-August. It's in the middle of everything in NWA, and it'll be easy to get to wherever we want to go because we'll be living right off the interstate AND just minutes away from everything in town. We'll be finally living on our own! It's a big step for all of us, seeing as how all 3 of us have lived at home with our parents/someone else's parents our whole lives, but it will be good for all of us as we learn to live with each other outside of our parents' house and how to deal with personal finances, etc.
All within a little over a month and a half, I have started a new full-time job, I will be moving to an apartment for the first time, I will start another part-time music teaching job, and will be starting my volunteer music job for AWANA at church. SO much going on, but all very good things.
I am beyond thankful for all of these doors that the Lord has opened up not only for me, but also for friends and family around me. It's been amazing to see how God works to bring us to where He wants us to be! The next few months won't be easy as I transition into more new things, but God has been really working on me, and He will carry His work on to completion, as Philippians 1:6 says. He knows what the future holds, and for that reason, I have peace and joy in my heart.
(I figure I might as well just come here and word-vomit all of the stuff that is currently going on in my life, because a lot has happened since I last updated this thing.)
Since I have graduated college in December, I have been looking for the full time job that would fit me best and would fit the needs I would have for post-college life. I had been working at Massage Envy up in Rogers at the front desk for 7 months, and while I enjoyed it a lot, at the pay I was making, there was no way that I would be able to provide for myself as far as living on my own goes. I also knew it wasn't what I wanted to do long-term. I had applied to several music jobs in surrounding areas and in different states, and nothing really happened with those. However, in February, I got an email from Ecclesia College asking if I would be able to come in for an interview for the Prep program's older choir director. I had assisted my friend Caroline with the choir the previous semester, and I really enjoyed it and got to know the students pretty well. I went in for an interview the next day and got offered the job the day after that! I didn't even have to seek out that job opportunity; it was practically placed in my lap lovingly by my God and Father who knew I had desired a music job. I continued to work for Massage Envy for another 5 months, all the while trying to find a better paying job with better working hours during the week. In June, I had applied to Providence Academy for the elementary music teacher position that was posted on their website. I went in for several interviews and felt really good about them. However, I was told that I would only be working 2 days a week for a few hours those days, but of course I would be lesson planning like crazy in my spare time. The Sunday after the last interview with Providence, a man from my church came up to me and asked if I was looking for a job. I said yes I was, and he offered me the chance to apply for a front desk job: it was secretarial work with one-on-one interaction with each lab of his in the building and with our customers, with an 8-5 M-F work schedule. I was thrilled to hear about it, and I followed through and applied, even interviewed with them all of that week. (Once again, God placed the opportunity in my hands; I've started seeing a pattern here.) On that Friday, I heard from the lab that I was offered the position, and literally 15 minutes after that I was offered the job at Providence. These were two really great opportunities, how could I possibly choose?! I ended up choosing the job at the lab for several reasons (because I'm sure some of you are really confused as to why I wouldn't take the other music job): one, it was a consistent, every week day schedule, and they were willing to work with the fact that I needed to leave early on Thursday afternoons to teach choir at Ecclesia; secondly, it was salary pay and had insurance benefits whereas Providence didn't. If I had gone with the Providence job, I would have to make time to lesson plan for both them AND Ecclesia every week, as well as plan for AWANA music at church (of which I had also committed my time to on Sunday afternoons). That would have been a lot of music to plan for! I would have also had to work a few days a week at Massage Envy to make more money. It just seemed to make more sense to go with the lab job, and I'm so thankful I did! My coworkers are so encouraging and patient with me as I learn everything (including scientific terms that I don't have any clue about), and even help explain the processes of certain tests they run. I can firmly say that I love my job, and I don't regret my choices at all!
I have also been dating one of the most Godly men I know since mid-February (of which I will have to write out our story at some point in the future). I can say wholeheartedly that he always points me to Jesus for everything; he leads me well in our relationship. Andrew spoils me with flowers, makes me laugh, is incredibly patient with me when I'm moody, gives great hugs, and he treats me like a princess. He is also incredibly honest with me, and the way he handles conflict is a breath of fresh air. I got to witness his baptism at our church a few months ago, and I couldn't be more proud of his growing love for the Lord and his hunger for truth and growth in righteousness. I am incredibly blessed by him every day!
Lindsey had made a friend at cosmetology school named Jenn, and long story short, she came to live with us in March, and it has been an awesome thing for all of us! Now we are all super close and we're going to be apartment-mates in the next few weeks! Which brings me to the next update....
Yes, Lindsey, Jenn, and I are all moving out of my parents' house in the next few weeks and we'll be moving to a really nice apartment mid-August. It's in the middle of everything in NWA, and it'll be easy to get to wherever we want to go because we'll be living right off the interstate AND just minutes away from everything in town. We'll be finally living on our own! It's a big step for all of us, seeing as how all 3 of us have lived at home with our parents/someone else's parents our whole lives, but it will be good for all of us as we learn to live with each other outside of our parents' house and how to deal with personal finances, etc.
All within a little over a month and a half, I have started a new full-time job, I will be moving to an apartment for the first time, I will start another part-time music teaching job, and will be starting my volunteer music job for AWANA at church. SO much going on, but all very good things.
I am beyond thankful for all of these doors that the Lord has opened up not only for me, but also for friends and family around me. It's been amazing to see how God works to bring us to where He wants us to be! The next few months won't be easy as I transition into more new things, but God has been really working on me, and He will carry His work on to completion, as Philippians 1:6 says. He knows what the future holds, and for that reason, I have peace and joy in my heart.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
5 Practical Ways to Memorize God's Word
My friend Michelle and I meet together once a week every week and have since last September/October (I've forgotten which, I've slept since then). This has become a very sacred time for me as I am regularly meeting with a great woman of the Lord who loves her Savior and others in our local body of believers. She has such great insight about life, love, marriage, and everything else.
Something that we've been doing ever since we started meeting over 6 months ago is memorizing entire passages of the Bible. This is NOT an easy thing to do, let me just tell you right up front. Memorizing individual Bible verses has never been something I was good at growing up; I never had a desire to, and I really thought that if I just knew where certain verses or passages were, then I could eventually find them when I needed it.
This kind of thinking is actually not just unhealthy; it's dangerous. For any believer, the Bible is the very Word of God. It is God's way of speaking to us about stories of the past, lessons we all must learn, truths we must believe, and commands we must follow. The famous passage of 2 Tim. 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."
First of all, notice that it doesn't say only some of Scripture is inspired. It says ALL Scripture is inspired. Secondly, if you look at any footnote in a study Bible, the word inspired means "God-breathed." God breathed these very words through the men that He chose. Whether you believe it was word-for-word spoken by God or that He only gave them a general idea of what to say, God gave His word to us, what He wanted to tell us. Thirdly, it is used to teach others (about the Gospel, the stories of His people, etc.), reproof (which is an expression of disapproval or pointing out sin), correction (not just pointing out our sin/flaws, but expressing a way to repent from them: learning from them and actively fixing them), and training in righteousness (a continual discipline to become more like Jesus Christ). All of these are VITAL to those claiming to be followers of Jesus.
With all of that said, these past few months have taught me so much about the importance of not only studying God's Word but also memorizing it, meditating on it, and letting it impact your life permanently. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I do know a few things that have helped me in this journey of memorizing individual verses and even entire chapters/passages of Scripture.
1. Have an accountability partner.
In my junior year of college, my best friend Alisha and I made a decision at the beginning of fall semester to start working out twice a week after our classes were done for the day. We were going to meet the same time those specific days, and we would have a plan for what we were going to do once we met that day: we would work for 30 min. on cardio (on either the bike, treadmill, or the elliptical) and 30 min. on a specific area (legs, arms, core). Every day was different on what we worked on, but the overall general plan was the same. Having Alisha there with me helped encourage me to keep going even when I didn't feel like it that particular day, and I know I helped her keep going as well. Having someone else there with me helped to keep me in check even when it was hard. We had a plan, and we stuck to it because we reminded each other of its importance.
The same thing goes for memorizing Scripture. There are times when I really don't feel like it, and there are weeks when I fail to progress any, but Michelle always keeps me in check and even sends me reminders throughout the week, and asks how I'm doing with it. I need that so that even when my fleshly feelings want to take control, I can still keep going despite how I feel.
2. Start small.
Before I had the ability to memorize whole passages, I had to discipline myself to memorize even just one verse. Even when memorizing whole passages, I have to take it one or two verses at a time every week. Even though Michelle may be able to go through 5-6 verses in a week (I don't know if she actually does or not), I know my limits, and I know it's not a race. However, if you know you are able to take on more at a time, then you should aim for that!
3. Put it on [repeat].
Repetition is key. I find it harder to remember what I've memorized if I don't repeat it every so often. Cramming memorization in the day before I meet with Michelle may work temporarily but I don't remember it by the next day if I don't constantly hear it, say it, or read it. It's like practicing an instrument/exercising/training for anything. Even if you only work on it 5-10 min. every day, it still retains better than if you cram it in the day before for 1 hour. I find that the best way to work on a verse is to read it at least once a day, work on speaking it at least 2-3 different times during the day, and if you have an audio Bible or an app on a mobile device that reads it to you, hearing it at least 2-3 different times from all of those in a day.
4. Actually meditate on what you're memorizing.
I had a really stressful night at work just recently, and it took everything in me to not fall apart in front of everyone. When I was cleaning all of the rooms in the clinic, I repeated some of the verses I had learned in the past few weeks that were applicable to all of the stress I was going through. Once I had finished cleaning the rooms, I had calmed down and was reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness even in stressful times. When you remember your verses, you are able to meditate on them in times when you need it the most. You are reminded of what is true and not on your feelings. Feelings can skew what is actually true. The Word of God is truth, and it never changes.
5. Ask God for help.
If you find that you just don't feel like memorizing, pray about it! Ask God to give you the desire to learn more about Him, to treasure His word in your heart. There is a passage in Matthew [7:7-8] that says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." God gives us the desire to pursue Him after He has already pursued us. He loves us, and wants us to desire to know Him! He will give you that desire if you ask for it. You may not have it all the time at first, but your love for His word will grow continually if you keep working at it.
I hope these practical tips will help you if you are trying to memorize Scripture, but may be too discouraged to continue, or even begin a task like this. Honestly, if someone like me can do it (I cannot remember names of new people I meet for the life of me), you can do it too. God gives us the desire to learn more about Him as we grow in our walk with Him, and I was ultimately given the desire to memorize His word. Like I've said before, I am DEFINITELY not perfect at it, and I don't think I ever will be. But I can always grow, always learn more. I am so thankful that I even have the opportunity to memorize and read a Bible without being persecuted for it. That puts it all into perspective . . .
Something that we've been doing ever since we started meeting over 6 months ago is memorizing entire passages of the Bible. This is NOT an easy thing to do, let me just tell you right up front. Memorizing individual Bible verses has never been something I was good at growing up; I never had a desire to, and I really thought that if I just knew where certain verses or passages were, then I could eventually find them when I needed it.
This kind of thinking is actually not just unhealthy; it's dangerous. For any believer, the Bible is the very Word of God. It is God's way of speaking to us about stories of the past, lessons we all must learn, truths we must believe, and commands we must follow. The famous passage of 2 Tim. 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."
First of all, notice that it doesn't say only some of Scripture is inspired. It says ALL Scripture is inspired. Secondly, if you look at any footnote in a study Bible, the word inspired means "God-breathed." God breathed these very words through the men that He chose. Whether you believe it was word-for-word spoken by God or that He only gave them a general idea of what to say, God gave His word to us, what He wanted to tell us. Thirdly, it is used to teach others (about the Gospel, the stories of His people, etc.), reproof (which is an expression of disapproval or pointing out sin), correction (not just pointing out our sin/flaws, but expressing a way to repent from them: learning from them and actively fixing them), and training in righteousness (a continual discipline to become more like Jesus Christ). All of these are VITAL to those claiming to be followers of Jesus.
With all of that said, these past few months have taught me so much about the importance of not only studying God's Word but also memorizing it, meditating on it, and letting it impact your life permanently. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I do know a few things that have helped me in this journey of memorizing individual verses and even entire chapters/passages of Scripture.
1. Have an accountability partner.
In my junior year of college, my best friend Alisha and I made a decision at the beginning of fall semester to start working out twice a week after our classes were done for the day. We were going to meet the same time those specific days, and we would have a plan for what we were going to do once we met that day: we would work for 30 min. on cardio (on either the bike, treadmill, or the elliptical) and 30 min. on a specific area (legs, arms, core). Every day was different on what we worked on, but the overall general plan was the same. Having Alisha there with me helped encourage me to keep going even when I didn't feel like it that particular day, and I know I helped her keep going as well. Having someone else there with me helped to keep me in check even when it was hard. We had a plan, and we stuck to it because we reminded each other of its importance.
The same thing goes for memorizing Scripture. There are times when I really don't feel like it, and there are weeks when I fail to progress any, but Michelle always keeps me in check and even sends me reminders throughout the week, and asks how I'm doing with it. I need that so that even when my fleshly feelings want to take control, I can still keep going despite how I feel.
2. Start small.
Before I had the ability to memorize whole passages, I had to discipline myself to memorize even just one verse. Even when memorizing whole passages, I have to take it one or two verses at a time every week. Even though Michelle may be able to go through 5-6 verses in a week (I don't know if she actually does or not), I know my limits, and I know it's not a race. However, if you know you are able to take on more at a time, then you should aim for that!
3. Put it on [repeat].
Repetition is key. I find it harder to remember what I've memorized if I don't repeat it every so often. Cramming memorization in the day before I meet with Michelle may work temporarily but I don't remember it by the next day if I don't constantly hear it, say it, or read it. It's like practicing an instrument/exercising/training for anything. Even if you only work on it 5-10 min. every day, it still retains better than if you cram it in the day before for 1 hour. I find that the best way to work on a verse is to read it at least once a day, work on speaking it at least 2-3 different times during the day, and if you have an audio Bible or an app on a mobile device that reads it to you, hearing it at least 2-3 different times from all of those in a day.
4. Actually meditate on what you're memorizing.
I had a really stressful night at work just recently, and it took everything in me to not fall apart in front of everyone. When I was cleaning all of the rooms in the clinic, I repeated some of the verses I had learned in the past few weeks that were applicable to all of the stress I was going through. Once I had finished cleaning the rooms, I had calmed down and was reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness even in stressful times. When you remember your verses, you are able to meditate on them in times when you need it the most. You are reminded of what is true and not on your feelings. Feelings can skew what is actually true. The Word of God is truth, and it never changes.
5. Ask God for help.
If you find that you just don't feel like memorizing, pray about it! Ask God to give you the desire to learn more about Him, to treasure His word in your heart. There is a passage in Matthew [7:7-8] that says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." God gives us the desire to pursue Him after He has already pursued us. He loves us, and wants us to desire to know Him! He will give you that desire if you ask for it. You may not have it all the time at first, but your love for His word will grow continually if you keep working at it.
I hope these practical tips will help you if you are trying to memorize Scripture, but may be too discouraged to continue, or even begin a task like this. Honestly, if someone like me can do it (I cannot remember names of new people I meet for the life of me), you can do it too. God gives us the desire to learn more about Him as we grow in our walk with Him, and I was ultimately given the desire to memorize His word. Like I've said before, I am DEFINITELY not perfect at it, and I don't think I ever will be. But I can always grow, always learn more. I am so thankful that I even have the opportunity to memorize and read a Bible without being persecuted for it. That puts it all into perspective . . .
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Certainty in the Uncertain
One day
I discovered
the allure of
spontaneity.
What adventure it is
in the not knowing!
What a thrill
to really live
from one minute
to the next!
To be caught
by utter surprise
and completely
trust in
His plans,
His power,
to not trust
in myself
or
my own abilities
above His,
to calm
my agitated heart
and deeply, truly
rest
in Jesus
alone.
That,
my dear friends,
is truly living.
I discovered
the allure of
spontaneity.
What adventure it is
in the not knowing!
What a thrill
to really live
from one minute
to the next!
To be caught
by utter surprise
and completely
trust in
His plans,
His power,
to not trust
in myself
or
my own abilities
above His,
to calm
my agitated heart
and deeply, truly
rest
in Jesus
alone.
That,
my dear friends,
is truly living.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
A Hidden Burden
Imagine that you are somewhere you regularly frequent, minding your own business and living your life as normal. In a particular moment, you could be sitting at a social gathering or you could be sitting at home alone by yourself. All of a sudden, you start to feel nauseated. Your head starts hurting, your eyes may hurt to look at anything/keep open. Your hands start to shake, and you have to sit down if you've been standing up. You feel like you're losing breath, and thus you start to feel like you're losing control of yourself. You have to excuse yourself from whatever it is you are doing and go to the restroom. You stand and brace yourself in front of a mirror or sit on the floor of the bathroom stall to concentrate on breathing until you feel better, which sometimes could only take a minute, or it could take 2 hours to recover from. You are shaken up either way, even after the feelings have passed. If you're in a public place, people keep asking you if you're okay. You either tell them "yes" and give them a smile so they won't worry and you don't feel like a burden to anyone, or you are actually honest with them and have to excuse yourself from doing anything else for a while and potentially go home. Sometimes you're even too afraid to do that for fear that it might happen again while you're driving.
Some of you know this about me, but some of you don't: I have an anxiety disorder. That means I tend to have panic attacks from time to time. For those of you that don't know what that feels like, the above scenario is what it typically feels like to me; it might be different for some people depending on their circumstances.
I didn't know I was suffering from an anxiety disorder until about over a year ago. Fall 2013 semester was a normal semester for me, for the most part. Early on in the semester, I started having moments when I felt nauseous with headaches, but I didn't think much about it because it didn't happen enough to really be of any concern for me. Then in the middle of the semester, I had a really bad one at church, and had to excuse myself for the rest of Sunday School and the main worship service. The attacks became more frequent, and soon I was having an attack at least once a week if not more. I thought it was caused by a food allergy or something of the sort, so I cut out dairy, gluten (since my dad is a Celiac, and the disease can be hereditary), and caffeine (yes, I gave up my beloved coffee). Even with all of that cut out, I was still having attacks regularly. During the first day of finals week, I had my worst one in the cafeteria while I was eating lunch with my friends. I had the above scenario happen, but this time, I wanted to leave my chair, but I legitimately felt paralyzed, glued to my chair. Alisha, one of my best friends, brought me outside and sat with me out in the cool air while I tried to get my body to calm down. She knew I had been struggling all semester with these instances (of which I didn't know were panic attacks at the time) and she told me I NEEDED to go to the doctor. Luckily I was able to go that afternoon, so she drove me because I still felt really weak from the attack.
My mom met us up at the clinic. We got in to see the doctor, and she started asking me questions about things. I felt like I answered her questions like I would any normal person, and she lightheartedly half-stated/half-asked me, "You are REALLY high strung, you know that?" I was kind of taken aback, because I didn't know that. I started thinking, "Is that what people think of me?" She then explained that I had an anxiety disorder, that it was actually really common for adults to have them, that it was because I had low seratonin levels in my brain, and to put it simply, if my brain isn't able to reproduce enough of it at a time, my brain and body both literally freak out (the attacks). She said she was going to put me on an antidepressant, and I immediately interjected saying I didn't want one because I had heard bad stories of people being on them and becoming too dependent on them, and I didn't want to be one of those people. My mom assured me that it was okay, that the one she was prescribing me was one that was okay. I trust her judgment on a lot of things, so I felt a little better about it. I struggled with it for a few days, and so I went to another doctor who prescribed another kind, and it's helped so much with cutting down the amount of attacks I've had in the past year. I still have a few occasionally, but it has been significantly better since then.
I explain all of that to say that I have had a lot of trusted Christian friends shove down my throat the command that God gives us to not worry. Some don't believe anxiety is a medical issue, but only a mental thing we create for ourselves that causes us to worry and therefore we don't trust God. However, there is the other side of the coin where I know of people that only believe it is a medical condition and we can't do anything about it.
I don't believe either extreme is correct. I do strongly believe that we are commanded not to worry about our lives, because as Christians, we are God's people, and He loves us and cares about us deeply. He is sovereign over the whole earth, even if we don't understand why things happen. And there are indeed certain people who only have anxiety because they haven't dealt with certain sin in their life/don't have God in their life/etc. and they need to fix that. However, I also know that it won't go away right away, even if we've changed our circumstances. I think our bodies and minds have all been tainted by sin in the world, and I think anxiety is/can be a very real, medical issue. I trust in God and know He is all-powerful, but I also struggle with these attacks. I can literally have nothing to worry about in my life and still have attacks sometimes.
Having anxiety attacks is hard because this all happens internally and people who have never experienced them have no idea what it feels like and don't know how to help us. But I also know that those who have this disorder are not alone; there are SO many out there who struggle with this, sometimes daily or weekly.
This was more of an informative post than anything else. If you are struggling with anxiety and having attacks, you are more than welcome to talk with me about it, or if you have no idea what it is, I'd be happy to answer questions for you. I'm not a doctor, and I don't claim to be, but I am always eager to share what I know about it.
I try not to let anxiety get to me or affect my life, because I know there's nothing to worry about. They come and go at random times, which I can't help and it stinks, but I know that one day I will have a new physical body and a renewed mind that will not suffer from any illness, that I can use to serve God forever (thank goodness for that!)
...I don't think we should hide our burdens. None of us are perfect, and we all carry them. We all wrestle with different things. We are called to bear each others' burdens, to help each other get through difficult times, and pray for one another.
This is true, brotherly love.
Some of you know this about me, but some of you don't: I have an anxiety disorder. That means I tend to have panic attacks from time to time. For those of you that don't know what that feels like, the above scenario is what it typically feels like to me; it might be different for some people depending on their circumstances.
I didn't know I was suffering from an anxiety disorder until about over a year ago. Fall 2013 semester was a normal semester for me, for the most part. Early on in the semester, I started having moments when I felt nauseous with headaches, but I didn't think much about it because it didn't happen enough to really be of any concern for me. Then in the middle of the semester, I had a really bad one at church, and had to excuse myself for the rest of Sunday School and the main worship service. The attacks became more frequent, and soon I was having an attack at least once a week if not more. I thought it was caused by a food allergy or something of the sort, so I cut out dairy, gluten (since my dad is a Celiac, and the disease can be hereditary), and caffeine (yes, I gave up my beloved coffee). Even with all of that cut out, I was still having attacks regularly. During the first day of finals week, I had my worst one in the cafeteria while I was eating lunch with my friends. I had the above scenario happen, but this time, I wanted to leave my chair, but I legitimately felt paralyzed, glued to my chair. Alisha, one of my best friends, brought me outside and sat with me out in the cool air while I tried to get my body to calm down. She knew I had been struggling all semester with these instances (of which I didn't know were panic attacks at the time) and she told me I NEEDED to go to the doctor. Luckily I was able to go that afternoon, so she drove me because I still felt really weak from the attack.
My mom met us up at the clinic. We got in to see the doctor, and she started asking me questions about things. I felt like I answered her questions like I would any normal person, and she lightheartedly half-stated/half-asked me, "You are REALLY high strung, you know that?" I was kind of taken aback, because I didn't know that. I started thinking, "Is that what people think of me?" She then explained that I had an anxiety disorder, that it was actually really common for adults to have them, that it was because I had low seratonin levels in my brain, and to put it simply, if my brain isn't able to reproduce enough of it at a time, my brain and body both literally freak out (the attacks). She said she was going to put me on an antidepressant, and I immediately interjected saying I didn't want one because I had heard bad stories of people being on them and becoming too dependent on them, and I didn't want to be one of those people. My mom assured me that it was okay, that the one she was prescribing me was one that was okay. I trust her judgment on a lot of things, so I felt a little better about it. I struggled with it for a few days, and so I went to another doctor who prescribed another kind, and it's helped so much with cutting down the amount of attacks I've had in the past year. I still have a few occasionally, but it has been significantly better since then.
I explain all of that to say that I have had a lot of trusted Christian friends shove down my throat the command that God gives us to not worry. Some don't believe anxiety is a medical issue, but only a mental thing we create for ourselves that causes us to worry and therefore we don't trust God. However, there is the other side of the coin where I know of people that only believe it is a medical condition and we can't do anything about it.
I don't believe either extreme is correct. I do strongly believe that we are commanded not to worry about our lives, because as Christians, we are God's people, and He loves us and cares about us deeply. He is sovereign over the whole earth, even if we don't understand why things happen. And there are indeed certain people who only have anxiety because they haven't dealt with certain sin in their life/don't have God in their life/etc. and they need to fix that. However, I also know that it won't go away right away, even if we've changed our circumstances. I think our bodies and minds have all been tainted by sin in the world, and I think anxiety is/can be a very real, medical issue. I trust in God and know He is all-powerful, but I also struggle with these attacks. I can literally have nothing to worry about in my life and still have attacks sometimes.
Having anxiety attacks is hard because this all happens internally and people who have never experienced them have no idea what it feels like and don't know how to help us. But I also know that those who have this disorder are not alone; there are SO many out there who struggle with this, sometimes daily or weekly.
This was more of an informative post than anything else. If you are struggling with anxiety and having attacks, you are more than welcome to talk with me about it, or if you have no idea what it is, I'd be happy to answer questions for you. I'm not a doctor, and I don't claim to be, but I am always eager to share what I know about it.
I try not to let anxiety get to me or affect my life, because I know there's nothing to worry about. They come and go at random times, which I can't help and it stinks, but I know that one day I will have a new physical body and a renewed mind that will not suffer from any illness, that I can use to serve God forever (thank goodness for that!)
...I don't think we should hide our burdens. None of us are perfect, and we all carry them. We all wrestle with different things. We are called to bear each others' burdens, to help each other get through difficult times, and pray for one another.
This is true, brotherly love.
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