I drove home from Tulsa tonight not being able to get the news of Robin Williams out of my head. "He's dead." Many are saying it is because he committed suicide, which makes his death even more heartbreaking. It made me reflect on the many countless others I know that suffer from depression and emotional instability.
I have dealt with depression a lot in my life. A lot of it has been minor, but I have also experienced a lot of emotional pain from different experiences in my life. However, this isn't uncommon to many of us. We all have our secrets, our own dark sides, our own experiences, and our own baggage that we carry silently.
This is the human condition: we long to be loved in the deepest way.
Most of us will do whatever it takes to obtain that kind of love. We put on a cheerful face, we blend in, we keep up with trends, cake the makeup on our faces, we let people walk all over us... all because we long to fit in somewhere, to be accepted by society, and to be loved unconditionally.
That's why I believe many people endure emotional or physical abuse by someone close to them, because it's so hard to let go of them and be done with them. There is something in peoples' minds that says, "They're not perfect, I'll keep giving them chances" even though they might never change. They would rather endure the pain of the abuse and keep them around, than potentially finding solace in being alone. All for the sake of "love."
That's why I believe that many suffer from depression. If we are not loved enough, either by enough people or enough from at least one person, we feel our self-worth crumbling under our feet like an avalanche. We crave each others' attention. We desire affirmation constantly. If we do not get what we want, we over-evaluate ourselves. "What's wrong with me?" "Why does no one laugh at my jokes?" "I only got 1 like on my status while she got 30 on hers." Etc, etc. All to be affirmed and to be loved.
That's why I think a lot of us suffer from anxiety. We are always afraid something will go wrong, that the part of us we don't want to see will come out and be exposed. We're afraid of ridicule, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of not being accepted. All for the sake of wanting to be loved and adored.
That's why I think people have the nerve to commit suicide. This is a touchy subject, but I want to dive into it anyway... People don't feel accepted, loved, desired, so they end their lives to escape the pain. Sometimes, there are times where things happen that are incredibly bad that we can't give an explanation for. Let me just say something...
IT. IS. NEVER. WORTH. IT. EVER.
Friends, let me tell you that there is ALWAYS hope in life. I know this because I have experienced it firsthand. Jesus Christ has given me that hope during any kind of suffering I'm experiencing. I'm not claiming to be "better" than anyone else because I've accepted Him as my Savior and leader of my life. I do not even claim that my life is all daisies and sunshine, because believe me, it's not at all - I've gone through so much crap in my life because of me being a Christian. That doesn't make sense to a lot of people. So then, you may be led to ask, why are you a Christian then, if the pain could be eliminated by not being one, by not following Him? Even if you aren't personally suffering, what about the world around us? God doesn't seem to care. What then?
Because, friends, the pain is worth it all. God does care, more than we can ever believe. So much so that He sent His Son Jesus to earth. He suffered and died for all the wrongs I've done and have yet to do, all my mistakes, all the pain I've personally caused others. He rose from the grave because He desires for everyone to come to Him, rest in His love and mercy, and follow Him. He desires relationship with us just as much as we desire relationship with others, but not because He needs us. He desires relationship with us, simply because He created us and loves us. I know I am loved and accepted as His own because I have accepted Him. At the same time, I know I could never have accepted Him if He had not "chosen" me and pursued me first. If He suffered for my sins and my wrongdoings because He loved me, why can't I suffer for His sake? He endured every kind of pain possible, so He understands and sympathizes with us completely.
Take the story of Job in the Bible. ALL of his possessions were destroyed, his children were all killed, his own health was gone. All because God let Satan test Job, because Satan thought Job followed God because of all the earthly blessings He gave Job. Job didn't do anything wrong; he was a righteous man who feared and loved God. So... Why was he suffering this much? We get to know why, but he never got those answers for himself. Instead, God questioned him: "Did you create the earth and the heavens? Do YOU know how things work? etc."
Sounds intimidating, right?
It was, because Job repented of his doubtfulness of God, and his health and family and possessions were all restored to him. Despite his doubts, he never cursed God; he remained faithful in following God.
You know, I may not understand why certain things happen, but do I have to know? Am I the Creator of the Universe? Do I have the power to control the weather or the earth? Do I know all the answers to the way things work? The answer to all of these questions is: no! In a sense, God doesn't have to answer me, yet despite that He desires to give us comfort and pursues relationship with us. All things work together for good for those who love and serve Him (Romans 8:28). Even if we never experience that or see it come to pass in our lifetime, God is ALWAYS good, and He always works things out to bring about His bigger and even better plan.
THIS is why I still continue to follow Christ. In the midst of trials, He gives me peace in the storm. He gives me rest in the midst of the craziness. He gives me love in the midst of heartache.
Please, if you don't know Christ personally, or if you're really not sure about following Him, or even if it's worth it, please feel free to message me, call me, text me, etc. I wish you could all experience this great love and mercy that I have experienced, and I know you can.
Please, please know this also: there is always hope, even in the darkest times of our lives. You are always loved, even if you don't feel it. You are desired, even if you don't see it.
[A side note: I understand some of these things people suffer from are actually medical conditions and that sometimes it can't be helped. I do think, though, that some of the problem is in how we think and what we believe. Also, I would love to share my stories with any of you if you want to talk and discuss depression or anxiety.]
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