I wrote this essay for my Gateway class this semester - we had to write about a lesson God had taught us. There were SO many I could write about, but this one stuck out the most in my mind (and was the most recent). I hope you learn something from it and take it to heart!
A Not-So Hidden Promise
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 ESV)
By my senior year of high school, I knew I was going to college, and I knew what I was going to be majoring in. I just hadn’t figured out where God wanted me to be. I knew I wanted to go to a Christian college, because integrating my faith in with my academics had been a huge part of my education for a long time, and I wanted to continue that in my higher education. As to where I was supposed to be or would eventually end up, that was harder to figure out.
After months of headaches from staring at my laptop screen for hours on end researching different colleges, I narrowed my list down to two: College of the Ozarks and John Brown University. Both are rather small, but good-sized non-denominational Christian colleges, where the population consisted of one to two thousand students; just right for me. Both were home to breathtaking campuses, strongly encouraged building your faith and walk with God along with using your brain to the best of your ability, and both were home to exceptional music programs (which is what I had decided on majoring in).
Numerous were the nights as I lay in my firm bed, turning myself and my sheets around in the darkness, where I would faintly whisper over and over, “Lord, where do I go?” When March rolled around, I was still unsettled and indecisive about where God wanted me. I was already accepted at JBU, but still hadn’t heard back from College of the Ozarks. However, my heart ached to go to College of the Ozarks. Feeling like God wasn’t answering me, I told God, “I know You want me somewhere specific. I know you will close doors if You don’t want me some place. College of the Ozarks is so much easier to pay for, it’s a few hours away but not too far away, and I would finally be out of the house and on my own in a way,” I reasoned. “If they accept me, I’ll go there. If not, I know you want me at JBU, so I’ll go there.”
It was a week after that when I crouched in my small car, holding the letter that would determine my college life with shaking hands. My eyes rushed through the words:
“Dear Lauren,
We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted to College of the Ozarks…”
I didn’t need to read any more. God had given me His answer. All the saliva drained from my mouth, and my parched lips twitched. I closed my eyes and my chest felt like it had taken a nose-dive into a mineshaft. I forced out a few chuckles, but in just one minute, my eyes were gushing salty water. Realizing that I was still sitting in my little white Toyota Corolla parked by our brick mailbox, my fingers swept away the torrential downpour from the corners of my eyes and my puffy cheeks and drove back up my driveway.
A few minutes later, I was in the safety of my room to think over what just happened. My head knew that I should be happy that I had gotten an answer, but my heart wasn’t there yet. I didn’t want to admit it to God, but I was disappointed and bitter. That was because I was like a toddler who didn’t get what I wanted. Then I recognized what my problem was: I had told God that I wanted to know His plans, but I wanted them to match up with my own.
It took several months through my freshman year at John Brown University to truly convince myself in both my head and my heart, that God has a specific plan for my life and that He can see the whole picture; I cannot. He is an all-knowing, all-powerful, and loving God. He works things out for the good of those who love and serve Him. I’ve seen it in my own life before. Because of that, I can trust Him completely and be able to give my plans and dreams up to Him for Him to either use as part of His or to give me something even better.
Lord, I see that You’re at work in my life here at JBU; help me to remember that I am here for Your glory and Your purposes. Amen.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Placing My Gifts at His Feet
I am speechless.
All I felt like doing was run in circles, screaming from the abundance of joy in my heart. I actually did that Friday night standing in the middle of Walker Student Center in the middle of my friends' circle! I couldn't stop giggling and my hands were shaking from so much excitement. I had just sung for JBU's annual Christmas Candlelight service for the second night in a row this year, so I was already extremely happy. I checked my mailbox after the service because I had forgotten to earlier that day. I saw I had a letter from the Next Big Thing people. I snatched it and tore it open. I hesitated to read it at first, because I thought to myself, "I hope this isn't a rejection letter..." For as many things as I had tried out for this semester, I had gotten more rejection from people this semester than I have probably my whole life. I had tried out for the Next Big Thing, originally because my mom suggested that I should.
"It'll be a great opportunity for you!" she reassured me after I told her I was fully convinced that I wouldn't make it, considering that I was a freshman and that there were MUCH better songwriters/performers than me. "Even if you don't make it, you'll know how to work harder for next time." I agreed, and practiced one of the songs I had written a long time ago. Tryouts went surprisingly well, but I had to wait for weeks to find out the results.
So, opening the letter in my hand, I read:
"Dear Lauren,
Congratulations! On behalf of the entire Next Big Thing Judging Panel, it is my pleasure to inform you that the judges have selected you to move on to the final round of the Next Big Thing. . ."
I only had to read the first few words. I'm pretty sure I looked absolutely ridiculous screaming my head off and jumping with ecstasy in the middle of the student center!
Driving home from JBU that night, only one thought repeated in my mind: Why me?
If any of you know me, you will know that I am the least confident person in the world. I love music, and one of my dreams is to record my own CD, because I want that to be part of my ministry. I know I am a decent musician. However, performing in front of people TERRIFIES me. My throat dries up instantly, and my hands shake uncontrollably. I've gotten better at being confident, but I still have a LONG way to go.
In my mind, I am the least qualified person to be chosen. So... Why me?
God could've said "no" to me again. But He didn't.
The only thing I can think of is that God is telling me, "Alright, Lauren, I'm giving you this opportunity. I'm going to bless you. But now you must give it back to me. Give me all you've got. Use your gifts for MY glory."
My wise mother once told me, "Trust God in the little things; THEN the big things will come."
Before Candlelight started for the third night in a row, the night after I found out I was a finalist for the Next Big Thing, the women's chorus' devotional for the night was about the three wise men. I had heard this story a million and one times. When Kate Dewey shared the story this time, though, it gave it so much more meaning for me. Think of three noble kings, actual kings, traveling so far to catch a glimpse of this little Jewish baby. How strange it would've been to see this happen. . . I picture them riding their lumbering camels in a dry, dusty desert to find this child. They arrive at the little shack of a house that belonged to Mary and Joseph, just in time to see the stars peek out of their hiding places. At the first sight of Jesus, they instantly collapse to the ground, bowing down to this Jewish toddler. They gave him the most extravagant gifts (the ones we can all name from memory: gold, frankincense, myrrh). What strange but beautiful and costly gifts these must've been! But the three kings gave him their best gifts that they could offer, because they knew in their hearts that Jesus was the Messiah.
This convicts me so much. . . Am I giving Christ my best gifts? Am I laying them down at His feet, ready and willing to let Him have His way with me and use me for something so wonderful and great?
With this in mind, I have absolutely no idea where the next few months are going to take me with this. All I know is that it's going to be a good semester in the spring. :)
Lord, thank you for allowing me to be used in such an incredible way. Let the words and the notes that I pen down be glorifying to Your awesome and holy name. Continue to guide and direct my steps, down the path that You want me to walk on. Amen.
All I felt like doing was run in circles, screaming from the abundance of joy in my heart. I actually did that Friday night standing in the middle of Walker Student Center in the middle of my friends' circle! I couldn't stop giggling and my hands were shaking from so much excitement. I had just sung for JBU's annual Christmas Candlelight service for the second night in a row this year, so I was already extremely happy. I checked my mailbox after the service because I had forgotten to earlier that day. I saw I had a letter from the Next Big Thing people. I snatched it and tore it open. I hesitated to read it at first, because I thought to myself, "I hope this isn't a rejection letter..." For as many things as I had tried out for this semester, I had gotten more rejection from people this semester than I have probably my whole life. I had tried out for the Next Big Thing, originally because my mom suggested that I should.
"It'll be a great opportunity for you!" she reassured me after I told her I was fully convinced that I wouldn't make it, considering that I was a freshman and that there were MUCH better songwriters/performers than me. "Even if you don't make it, you'll know how to work harder for next time." I agreed, and practiced one of the songs I had written a long time ago. Tryouts went surprisingly well, but I had to wait for weeks to find out the results.
So, opening the letter in my hand, I read:
"Dear Lauren,
Congratulations! On behalf of the entire Next Big Thing Judging Panel, it is my pleasure to inform you that the judges have selected you to move on to the final round of the Next Big Thing. . ."
I only had to read the first few words. I'm pretty sure I looked absolutely ridiculous screaming my head off and jumping with ecstasy in the middle of the student center!
Driving home from JBU that night, only one thought repeated in my mind: Why me?
If any of you know me, you will know that I am the least confident person in the world. I love music, and one of my dreams is to record my own CD, because I want that to be part of my ministry. I know I am a decent musician. However, performing in front of people TERRIFIES me. My throat dries up instantly, and my hands shake uncontrollably. I've gotten better at being confident, but I still have a LONG way to go.
In my mind, I am the least qualified person to be chosen. So... Why me?
God could've said "no" to me again. But He didn't.
The only thing I can think of is that God is telling me, "Alright, Lauren, I'm giving you this opportunity. I'm going to bless you. But now you must give it back to me. Give me all you've got. Use your gifts for MY glory."
My wise mother once told me, "Trust God in the little things; THEN the big things will come."
Before Candlelight started for the third night in a row, the night after I found out I was a finalist for the Next Big Thing, the women's chorus' devotional for the night was about the three wise men. I had heard this story a million and one times. When Kate Dewey shared the story this time, though, it gave it so much more meaning for me. Think of three noble kings, actual kings, traveling so far to catch a glimpse of this little Jewish baby. How strange it would've been to see this happen. . . I picture them riding their lumbering camels in a dry, dusty desert to find this child. They arrive at the little shack of a house that belonged to Mary and Joseph, just in time to see the stars peek out of their hiding places. At the first sight of Jesus, they instantly collapse to the ground, bowing down to this Jewish toddler. They gave him the most extravagant gifts (the ones we can all name from memory: gold, frankincense, myrrh). What strange but beautiful and costly gifts these must've been! But the three kings gave him their best gifts that they could offer, because they knew in their hearts that Jesus was the Messiah.
This convicts me so much. . . Am I giving Christ my best gifts? Am I laying them down at His feet, ready and willing to let Him have His way with me and use me for something so wonderful and great?
With this in mind, I have absolutely no idea where the next few months are going to take me with this. All I know is that it's going to be a good semester in the spring. :)
Lord, thank you for allowing me to be used in such an incredible way. Let the words and the notes that I pen down be glorifying to Your awesome and holy name. Continue to guide and direct my steps, down the path that You want me to walk on. Amen.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Finding Rest
I'm surprised I even heard my alarm go off this morning; it was set on the softest volume possible (not intentionally, of course). Not even the usual hot and steaming morning shower could fully wake me up this morning. I quickly blow-dried my hair and did the rest of my morning routine in a robot-like manner, and having had my backpack packed the night before, I thrust it over my sore shoulder and headed out the door.
It usually takes me a little over 30 minutes for me to drive to JBU every day. As I took my keys out of the ignition, I slammed the car door and started the trek to my class. I automatically reached for my phone in my backpack's side pocket, and felt nothing but my keys and chapstick. I felt again and again... Nothing. Then I suddenly remembered. "AUGH! I left it on my sink while I was getting ready." That's been the second time that I've left my phone at home. Ever. This proved my exhaustion. Running on a little over ten hours of sleep over the past 48 hours tends to leave you feeling like you've been run over by a train.
While it was relieving not to have it around to distract me the whole day, I felt helpless without it. What if I were to drive back home and get in a car wreck on the way?! I would have no way to contact anyone. What if I had forgotten something important that I had to do today?!
Turns out, there WAS something.
After a wonderful chapel service consisting of about 200 really cute second graders singing us Christmas songs, I walked into my Intro to Statistics class, feeling good about turning in my assignment. As I sat down, my professor told us to put our books under our desks. Then he started handing out tests. ....THE TEST!
I gasped to myself. I was so worried about getting all my other assignments done that I had completely forgotten about this!!! I told myself not to panic, that it was hard to really study for a math test anyway, since all you had to know was how to do the problems. So I forced myself not to stress about it, and I felt pretty good about it.
I got out of class 30 minutes early because of the test, so I headed to Walker Student Center. I got my assigned reading for Gateway class done. The last chapter of the book was one page long, but spoke volumes to me, more than any other chapter I had read before in that book. My Gateway professor, who had written the book as a personal memoir a while back, wrote the chapter on Moses when he was complaining to the Israelites about how he couldn't keep up with everyone's problems up on the mountain. Then the Lord told him that he had stayed on the mountain too long.
The last paragraph of Confessions of an Amateur Believer, the book I was reading for Gateway, stood out to me the most:
"Usually it's at night, and my worries are about my children and their rages, my students and their problems, my husband and his stress, my job and its exigencies. And if, in the darkness, I stop worrying to listen - which I often don't, or can't, or won't - I hear God's voice under the narrative of my own worries and accusations: That's enough. Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Move on. Trust in me. Go to sleep." (Kirk 266)
This was the exact situation I was in last night. I got in bed late to begin with, trying to prepare for the next day (and in the days ahead). The time I spend laying in my bed before finally drifting off to sleep maybe an hour later is my time to think over what I need to do when I get up the next morning or what I've got going on the rest of the week, what I need to prepare for, what do I need to remember, etc. Every time I would start to nod off, I would think of something I needed to do, like send a Facebook message to someone about canceling something, or figuring out when my finals were just so I could get that situated as far in advance as possible, or putting out clothes for the next day that I had forgotten to put out. Then as soon as I would start to nod off again, I'd have to do something else. Then after a few more times of getting up to do something, I convinced myself to stay in my bed. But it would still be an hour or two before I finally relinquished my mind and body to rest...
With all of that being said, after I had read that chapter for Gateway class, I picked up my Bible and flipped the pages over to Matthew 11:28-30, in which Jesus says:
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
I closed my Bible and took a deep breath of relief. No matter how crazy the next few weeks will be, God remains in control of everything.
He is the God of peace.
How comforting that is in knowing that He is carrying me through this crazy time in my life even now, and how comforting it is in knowing that everything will work out in the end!
It usually takes me a little over 30 minutes for me to drive to JBU every day. As I took my keys out of the ignition, I slammed the car door and started the trek to my class. I automatically reached for my phone in my backpack's side pocket, and felt nothing but my keys and chapstick. I felt again and again... Nothing. Then I suddenly remembered. "AUGH! I left it on my sink while I was getting ready." That's been the second time that I've left my phone at home. Ever. This proved my exhaustion. Running on a little over ten hours of sleep over the past 48 hours tends to leave you feeling like you've been run over by a train.
While it was relieving not to have it around to distract me the whole day, I felt helpless without it. What if I were to drive back home and get in a car wreck on the way?! I would have no way to contact anyone. What if I had forgotten something important that I had to do today?!
Turns out, there WAS something.
After a wonderful chapel service consisting of about 200 really cute second graders singing us Christmas songs, I walked into my Intro to Statistics class, feeling good about turning in my assignment. As I sat down, my professor told us to put our books under our desks. Then he started handing out tests. ....THE TEST!
I gasped to myself. I was so worried about getting all my other assignments done that I had completely forgotten about this!!! I told myself not to panic, that it was hard to really study for a math test anyway, since all you had to know was how to do the problems. So I forced myself not to stress about it, and I felt pretty good about it.
I got out of class 30 minutes early because of the test, so I headed to Walker Student Center. I got my assigned reading for Gateway class done. The last chapter of the book was one page long, but spoke volumes to me, more than any other chapter I had read before in that book. My Gateway professor, who had written the book as a personal memoir a while back, wrote the chapter on Moses when he was complaining to the Israelites about how he couldn't keep up with everyone's problems up on the mountain. Then the Lord told him that he had stayed on the mountain too long.
The last paragraph of Confessions of an Amateur Believer, the book I was reading for Gateway, stood out to me the most:
"Usually it's at night, and my worries are about my children and their rages, my students and their problems, my husband and his stress, my job and its exigencies. And if, in the darkness, I stop worrying to listen - which I often don't, or can't, or won't - I hear God's voice under the narrative of my own worries and accusations: That's enough. Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Move on. Trust in me. Go to sleep." (Kirk 266)
This was the exact situation I was in last night. I got in bed late to begin with, trying to prepare for the next day (and in the days ahead). The time I spend laying in my bed before finally drifting off to sleep maybe an hour later is my time to think over what I need to do when I get up the next morning or what I've got going on the rest of the week, what I need to prepare for, what do I need to remember, etc. Every time I would start to nod off, I would think of something I needed to do, like send a Facebook message to someone about canceling something, or figuring out when my finals were just so I could get that situated as far in advance as possible, or putting out clothes for the next day that I had forgotten to put out. Then as soon as I would start to nod off again, I'd have to do something else. Then after a few more times of getting up to do something, I convinced myself to stay in my bed. But it would still be an hour or two before I finally relinquished my mind and body to rest...
With all of that being said, after I had read that chapter for Gateway class, I picked up my Bible and flipped the pages over to Matthew 11:28-30, in which Jesus says:
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
I closed my Bible and took a deep breath of relief. No matter how crazy the next few weeks will be, God remains in control of everything.
He is the God of peace.
How comforting that is in knowing that He is carrying me through this crazy time in my life even now, and how comforting it is in knowing that everything will work out in the end!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving...
I stayed up way too late last night finishing the second book in the Hunger Games trilogy (which ended up being 1:30). This morning at 9 am, my mom came into my room, and to me, what could've just been her normal volume sounded like she was practically screaming in my ear, "IT'S TIME TO HELP WITH MAKING FOOD, I LET YOU SLEEP IN!" I groaned inwardly, as I thought to myself, "Uh yeah right, this is NOT sleeping in." Sleeping in for me is 11 am, although this semester, 9 am is definitely considered sleeping in.
After a good long shower to wake me up, I was ready to get started in making some yummy food. We made all kinds of delectable things for tomorrow (which I am SUPER excited about) such as a pecan pie (my personal favorite kind of pie), pumpkin cupcakes, green bean casserole, etc. Getting to cook and bake with my mom and sister is always fun (even though they hog a lot of the "fun stuff" to do such as icing the cupcakes without me! JK), and it's always fun for several reasons. For one, we're always insane around each other so we always either drive the others up the wall or we laugh until we cry. Another reason is that it lets me sort of catch up with what's going on at my house whenever I'm not there (which is Monday through Friday during the day and sometimes at night).
Today has shown me several different things to be thankful for:
1. The time to actually stay up really late and do some "free" reading (which I almost NEVER have time to do). Even though I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted, I was definitely blessed to have an immense amount of time to finish reading my book (and start the third one in the series).
2. The time to spend a whole day with my family. Even though I live at home and commute to JBU every day, and even though I'm home on the weekends, I seriously have not spent a whole entire day parked at my house and spending time with only my family since before college started this semester. I'm always rushing about from this place to another, and hardly ever slow down. Which leads to my next thing to be thankful for...
3. The time to sloooow doooowwwn. I love being busy. I love the rush I get when I have a moderately full schedule, filled with fun and exciting things to do and spending time with people in those events. But one lesson I'm having to learn right now is to take things slow sometimes and just take a deep breath. Even Jesus had to go someplace quiet and get away from everything for a while and pray and encourages us to do the same at times (Matt. 14:13a, Mark 6:31) Whenever I am resting and taking things slow, it is refreshing and I feel more energized afterwards to be more productive and such.
4. The people God has put into my life that I call my family. Not just intermediate family, but all of my grandparents, uncles, and cousins fit into that category. Every single person is different, in their personalities, looks, and mannerisms. When we all come together, however, we all seem to become unified. I'm also very blessed to have most (if not all) of my family members be believers in Christ, so we can always talk about deep, meaningful things and not feel weird about it.
5. The food God has provided us with. Not just for Thanksgiving, but for every day. I know people hear about this all the time, and some people don't really care, but I always feel guilty of complaining if some type of food I may be eating doesn't own up to my expectations, when there are people around the world dying of hunger or thirst. We here in America have it WAY too good, and we don't even realize it most of the time.
These things are only a few of the many, many things I could name, but these were some big ones. I just thought I'd share some of them since it IS Thanksgiving Day (it's currently 1:15 AM as I'm typing this). :)
I hope all of you reading this have a great Thanksgiving Day yourself! And go hug your aunt or something. For real.
After a good long shower to wake me up, I was ready to get started in making some yummy food. We made all kinds of delectable things for tomorrow (which I am SUPER excited about) such as a pecan pie (my personal favorite kind of pie), pumpkin cupcakes, green bean casserole, etc. Getting to cook and bake with my mom and sister is always fun (even though they hog a lot of the "fun stuff" to do such as icing the cupcakes without me! JK), and it's always fun for several reasons. For one, we're always insane around each other so we always either drive the others up the wall or we laugh until we cry. Another reason is that it lets me sort of catch up with what's going on at my house whenever I'm not there (which is Monday through Friday during the day and sometimes at night).
Today has shown me several different things to be thankful for:
1. The time to actually stay up really late and do some "free" reading (which I almost NEVER have time to do). Even though I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted, I was definitely blessed to have an immense amount of time to finish reading my book (and start the third one in the series).
2. The time to spend a whole day with my family. Even though I live at home and commute to JBU every day, and even though I'm home on the weekends, I seriously have not spent a whole entire day parked at my house and spending time with only my family since before college started this semester. I'm always rushing about from this place to another, and hardly ever slow down. Which leads to my next thing to be thankful for...
3. The time to sloooow doooowwwn. I love being busy. I love the rush I get when I have a moderately full schedule, filled with fun and exciting things to do and spending time with people in those events. But one lesson I'm having to learn right now is to take things slow sometimes and just take a deep breath. Even Jesus had to go someplace quiet and get away from everything for a while and pray and encourages us to do the same at times (Matt. 14:13a, Mark 6:31) Whenever I am resting and taking things slow, it is refreshing and I feel more energized afterwards to be more productive and such.
4. The people God has put into my life that I call my family. Not just intermediate family, but all of my grandparents, uncles, and cousins fit into that category. Every single person is different, in their personalities, looks, and mannerisms. When we all come together, however, we all seem to become unified. I'm also very blessed to have most (if not all) of my family members be believers in Christ, so we can always talk about deep, meaningful things and not feel weird about it.
5. The food God has provided us with. Not just for Thanksgiving, but for every day. I know people hear about this all the time, and some people don't really care, but I always feel guilty of complaining if some type of food I may be eating doesn't own up to my expectations, when there are people around the world dying of hunger or thirst. We here in America have it WAY too good, and we don't even realize it most of the time.
These things are only a few of the many, many things I could name, but these were some big ones. I just thought I'd share some of them since it IS Thanksgiving Day (it's currently 1:15 AM as I'm typing this). :)
I hope all of you reading this have a great Thanksgiving Day yourself! And go hug your aunt or something. For real.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Flashing Lights
Stepping out from Walker Student Center into the bitterly cold 20 mph winds started my grumbling thoughts as I trudged to my car to go home. "Why couldn't we have the nicer weather like we had yesterday?!" I screamed on the inside.
I had a chai tea from Starbucks in one of the cup holders, and as I was driving, I went to pick it up and didn't get a good grip on the cup, causing it to slip from my hand and thus spilling it into the cup holder. Feeling inside of it to survey the damage, I grimaced as my finger felt the somewhat deep pool of chai that I would have to clean up later when I got home. "Just great," I muttered to myself.
As I drove past the Siloam Springs city limits, I saw millions of brake lights in front of me. I groaned and huffed yet again. "Good gracious, I'm NEVER getting home tonight!" I called my mom to tell her that I was stuck at a stand-still barely past Siloam and that I wouldn't be home right away, which was okay because she had taken Lindsey, my younger sister, to cheer practice and was out shopping anyway. We talked on the phone for a good ten minutes, with me inching about 5 feet every 2 minutes on the highway. After I hung up the phone with her, we started moving consistently. "Good deal," I muttered. "Now we're getting somewhere..." After crawling on the highway for another ten minutes, I finally saw the flashing lights that I was looking anxiously for. I didn't see anything but a ton of regular cars on the side of the highway. Three fire trucks were there, all with their hoses out. "What in the world?" I craned my neck to find out what was going on. I finally saw a semi on the side of the highway. Then, as I passed it, I realized to an extent what had happened. I gasped. The front end of the semi (where the engine and driver usually are) had been completely burned, charred. The only thing remaining was a metal rim of what used to be the front end of that semi. I have no clue if the driver is still alive or if he was injured at all.
As I drove past the sickening scene, I felt convicted. God was telling me, "You were seriously annoyed with those little things today?! C'mon, Lauren, you know better than that. Just think, I've given you another day to live, and to live FOR ME. Now act like it!"
My stomach flipped a little. I remember a few times while I was driving where I seriously could've died. There was the one time at the beginning of the school year when I pulled into Tontitown, and an old lady in a small tan car came at me IN MY LANE at 60 mph. It was a good thing there was nobody in the middle lane, because all I could think of to do at that moment was to swerve into that lane. I swerved back into the lane I had previously been in and started freaking out. I could have died... God had spared my life. There were other times, but that one has stuck out in my mind the most.
Back in the darkness and warmth of my car, I prayed. I thanked God that He HAD given me my life, and that He had let me live another day.
Because really, my life is in His hands and not my own.
That's a terrifying thought. But it's also a comforting thought, because who else would be better qualified to direct my paths and keep me from harm's way?
Father, help me to remember in the days when the little things seem to take over my life, that You have blessed me with this life that You've given to me. Help me to let my light shine before others, so that they may see You and give glory to You (Matt. 5:16). Thank You for blessing me this much; I don't even deserve it. But that's the beauty of grace! Thank You SO MUCH for Your amazing grace. Amen.
I had a chai tea from Starbucks in one of the cup holders, and as I was driving, I went to pick it up and didn't get a good grip on the cup, causing it to slip from my hand and thus spilling it into the cup holder. Feeling inside of it to survey the damage, I grimaced as my finger felt the somewhat deep pool of chai that I would have to clean up later when I got home. "Just great," I muttered to myself.
As I drove past the Siloam Springs city limits, I saw millions of brake lights in front of me. I groaned and huffed yet again. "Good gracious, I'm NEVER getting home tonight!" I called my mom to tell her that I was stuck at a stand-still barely past Siloam and that I wouldn't be home right away, which was okay because she had taken Lindsey, my younger sister, to cheer practice and was out shopping anyway. We talked on the phone for a good ten minutes, with me inching about 5 feet every 2 minutes on the highway. After I hung up the phone with her, we started moving consistently. "Good deal," I muttered. "Now we're getting somewhere..." After crawling on the highway for another ten minutes, I finally saw the flashing lights that I was looking anxiously for. I didn't see anything but a ton of regular cars on the side of the highway. Three fire trucks were there, all with their hoses out. "What in the world?" I craned my neck to find out what was going on. I finally saw a semi on the side of the highway. Then, as I passed it, I realized to an extent what had happened. I gasped. The front end of the semi (where the engine and driver usually are) had been completely burned, charred. The only thing remaining was a metal rim of what used to be the front end of that semi. I have no clue if the driver is still alive or if he was injured at all.
As I drove past the sickening scene, I felt convicted. God was telling me, "You were seriously annoyed with those little things today?! C'mon, Lauren, you know better than that. Just think, I've given you another day to live, and to live FOR ME. Now act like it!"
My stomach flipped a little. I remember a few times while I was driving where I seriously could've died. There was the one time at the beginning of the school year when I pulled into Tontitown, and an old lady in a small tan car came at me IN MY LANE at 60 mph. It was a good thing there was nobody in the middle lane, because all I could think of to do at that moment was to swerve into that lane. I swerved back into the lane I had previously been in and started freaking out. I could have died... God had spared my life. There were other times, but that one has stuck out in my mind the most.
Back in the darkness and warmth of my car, I prayed. I thanked God that He HAD given me my life, and that He had let me live another day.
Because really, my life is in His hands and not my own.
That's a terrifying thought. But it's also a comforting thought, because who else would be better qualified to direct my paths and keep me from harm's way?
Father, help me to remember in the days when the little things seem to take over my life, that You have blessed me with this life that You've given to me. Help me to let my light shine before others, so that they may see You and give glory to You (Matt. 5:16). Thank You for blessing me this much; I don't even deserve it. But that's the beauty of grace! Thank You SO MUCH for Your amazing grace. Amen.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Makin' Plans...
I've always been a planner. Always. Even when I was a lot younger. I loved planning birthday parties for myself and surprise parties for loved ones. I loved helping planning our family vacations, some big trip (like going to Silver Dollar City), or even trips to go see family.
In the past few years, I've planned for a lot of things: my last few years of high school, graduation, where I would go to college, what I would be majoring in, exactly how long it will take me to graduate, and when certain classes would be taken. Yeah, big kid stuff.
I knew I wanted to major in music, and I didn't have too much trouble in my college decision... But when I stepped foot onto the JBU campus, I realized that I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I loved music, and I COULD teach at my house for the rest of my life. I just don't know if that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. Besides that, I don't know what I would do for a job until I got married (if I ever do, and I sure hope God blesses me with a husband someday!)
I was at a friend's house last night, and there were basically two groups of people: the high school people and the college people. I swung back and forth between the two groups because I'm friends with everybody and I hate, absolutely HATE when people split up; I'm the type of person where everything has to be fair, equal, and unified. Anywho, it was interesting talking to everyone in the "college" group... Some of us had HUGE plans for after college, like going to grad school and then getting their master's, and some of us didn't have a clue what we were going to do afterwards. I was in the latter group of people... As the others were discussing their plans, I felt a sense of dread and a slight panic come over me: what WAS I going to do after college?! All these people have big plans for their lives... I need to get crackin'! Needless to say, even though it was great conversation, I went home feeling bad about myself because I felt like a failure in planning out my future.
This morning I went to the college sunday school, called the Student Section, before the big worship service. We have been going through James in the past month or so, and today's passage that was taught/discussed was James 4:13-17, which says (in the ESV):
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
I read that passage and immediately felt peace. I quickly realized that it was okay that I didn't have a 5-year plan for my life after college, and that I didn't have any huge goals/plans for my life. Obviously, it's okay to make plans and have hopes and dreams. However, we need to realize that those hopes and dreams may not be what God has planned for our lives, and we need to give those up to Him, to surrender them and rest in the knowledge that even though we may not realize it at the time, God works all things together for the good of those who love him, for those who are the called, according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). We must hang on to our plans loosely and instead cling to God and His promises tightly.
Here are some application questions that were given to me this morning in church: Are your plans promoting God's glory or your own? Are you seeking others' approval in regards to your plans, or are you seeking God's approval? And are you willing to give up your ambitions/dreams to trade them for God's?
We must take on humility and come before God with our plans.
To close, as I was writing this post, this old hymn popped into my head. This is my prayer:
Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
In the past few years, I've planned for a lot of things: my last few years of high school, graduation, where I would go to college, what I would be majoring in, exactly how long it will take me to graduate, and when certain classes would be taken. Yeah, big kid stuff.
I knew I wanted to major in music, and I didn't have too much trouble in my college decision... But when I stepped foot onto the JBU campus, I realized that I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I loved music, and I COULD teach at my house for the rest of my life. I just don't know if that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. Besides that, I don't know what I would do for a job until I got married (if I ever do, and I sure hope God blesses me with a husband someday!)
I was at a friend's house last night, and there were basically two groups of people: the high school people and the college people. I swung back and forth between the two groups because I'm friends with everybody and I hate, absolutely HATE when people split up; I'm the type of person where everything has to be fair, equal, and unified. Anywho, it was interesting talking to everyone in the "college" group... Some of us had HUGE plans for after college, like going to grad school and then getting their master's, and some of us didn't have a clue what we were going to do afterwards. I was in the latter group of people... As the others were discussing their plans, I felt a sense of dread and a slight panic come over me: what WAS I going to do after college?! All these people have big plans for their lives... I need to get crackin'! Needless to say, even though it was great conversation, I went home feeling bad about myself because I felt like a failure in planning out my future.
This morning I went to the college sunday school, called the Student Section, before the big worship service. We have been going through James in the past month or so, and today's passage that was taught/discussed was James 4:13-17, which says (in the ESV):
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
I read that passage and immediately felt peace. I quickly realized that it was okay that I didn't have a 5-year plan for my life after college, and that I didn't have any huge goals/plans for my life. Obviously, it's okay to make plans and have hopes and dreams. However, we need to realize that those hopes and dreams may not be what God has planned for our lives, and we need to give those up to Him, to surrender them and rest in the knowledge that even though we may not realize it at the time, God works all things together for the good of those who love him, for those who are the called, according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). We must hang on to our plans loosely and instead cling to God and His promises tightly.
Here are some application questions that were given to me this morning in church: Are your plans promoting God's glory or your own? Are you seeking others' approval in regards to your plans, or are you seeking God's approval? And are you willing to give up your ambitions/dreams to trade them for God's?
We must take on humility and come before God with our plans.
To close, as I was writing this post, this old hymn popped into my head. This is my prayer:
Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Imperishable Beauty
This month causes a lot of mixed emotions for different people. For some, it's the month in which we celebrate Thanksgiving. For others, it's their birthday month. For more people, it's No-Shave November, the month where guys don't touch a razor and end up looking like a mountain man three quarters of the way through. For me and for a few other girls I know, it's the month where we have decided to go barefaced: No-Makeup November.
When I first heard the idea, I had mixed reactions to it. On the one hand, I was all on fire for the idea. On the other hand, I was somewhat terrified. "Go without covering my flaws for a whole month?! How would I survive??!"
A lot of guys don't understand why this is such a big deal for a lot of girls. If you're one of those guys, keep reading. Even if you aren't, keep reading, as well. :) There are plenty of reasons, but here are the major few:
1. "I'm not pretty enough."
2. "Guys won't find me attractive." (YES, we secretly think this because we care about what you think of us!)
3. "I have so many flaws."
I'm going to unpack all three of these reasons, getting to the heart of the issue and what we can (and should) do about it...
1. "I'm not pretty enough."
This is a complete lie in itself. I believe that we are all beautiful in our own unique ways, because God created us in His image, and He doesn't make trash. Yes, we have been corrupted by sin, but that doesn't make us any less valuable in His sight. Yet, somehow, Satan whispers in each of our ears, "Why would anyone think you're pretty? What's so special about you?" I know there are so many days when I pick a fight with the mirror, and no matter what I do with myself, I still can't please it. Yet, like I said before, God doesn't make trash. He has created us each in His image, and we are precious in His sight. Isaiah 40:1b, 4 says this:
" 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
...Because you are precious in my eyes,
And honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.' "
This is how valuable we are to God!! Even though He is speaking to Israel through Isaiah, I believe He feels this way towards His people.
2. "Guys won't find me attractive."
I've talked to several of my close guy friends about this. By asking them about it, I've come to find something very interesting, and that is this: THEY DON'T CARE. At least two of them has even encouraged me to not wear makeup, because for one, it covers up our REAL face, and two, because they want to see how truly beautiful we really are without it. Not in a shallow way at all. Two other guys I've talked to have told me that I don't look any different without it on. Which is so true... I am still the same person, with or without makeup. Besides, what matters is not how you look, but everything else: how you act towards others, how much of a friend you are, and how much do you love and radiate Christ. The right guy will totally fall for you, no matter what's on your face (or what's not), because even though he might be attracted to you, he will fall even more in love with the woman you are on the inside.
1 Peter 3:3-4 is a verse most Christian girls have grown up hearing. It's such a good verse, but I think most of us have grown calloused to what it has to say to us. So, even though you may already know it, I will write it (er, type it) out here:
"Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
This verse applies to today's society SO much and we often don't realize it. Even though a lot of us don't braid our hair regularly, we take the time to straighten it, curl it, make it wavy, cut it, etc. We girls also love to accessorize and go shopping... which is totally not a bad thing! It's also not a bad thing at all to want to look nice and such. It's when we believe that we can't be beautiful without those things that it becomes a problem. I believe for us girls, beauty in itself has become some sort of idol. Instead of spending quality time with God in the morning, we take more time getting our hair and makeup just right. I repeat: this is not a bad thing at all!!! I like making myself look nice. Most girls do. However, when we put that above God does it become a problem. We fail to realize that our outward beauty WILL fade as we get older... We'll be really funny-looking and wrinkly old people. But our inward beauty NEVER FADES; that's what is meant by imperishable beauty.
3. "I have so many flaws."
This is the one that I've struggled with for so long. Every single morning when I roll out of bed, turn on my bathroom light, and look in that mirror, the first thing I notice are my blemishes. Let me say it is SO frustrating for me because I wash my face, moisturize it, and dab the pimple cream on every single night. More often than not, though, they still won't go away. That's why I wear makeup; to cover the blemishes. It's definitely an easy way to temporarily make them disappear. And those dark circles under my eyes! The horror!
Every morning, Satan has the perfect timing in whispering to me: "Look at those blemishes! That is absolutely disgusting! You need to cover those up... And those lashes... What lashes?! Gotta make them longer and darker! How else will you get noticed?" Most mornings I give in and cover it all up, making believe that as long as it's all on, I'm decent looking.
But that's just it. Even with it on, I still feel plain and not pretty 95% of the time. So why do I keep putting it on?
I think the real issues are contentment with who we are and our pride. Girls see other gorgeous girls, which leads to thinking, "Why can't I be as pretty as her?" Which is pretty much like slapping God in the face, saying, "You did it all wrong with me." But He didn't!!! Pride also gets in the way, because we all have a desire to be the best; for girls, we want to be the most beautiful. However, we tend to go about that the wrong way.
I'm gonna say this again: GOD DOES NOT MAKE TRASH.
I hope that's gotten stuck in your head now.
So, to wrap up, I want to challenge all girls to participate in this No-Makeup November thing. If you don't, I'm not gonna be mad or sad or anything. I just know what it feels like to feel worthless and ugly. I think this is a great challenge for me personally, because I've been struggling so much with this. This will definitely help me to focus on what my true identity is and who I really am in Christ and how beautiful I really am because I was created in His image.
If you feel worthless and plain, I hope and pray that you come to find that you really ARE worth everything and that you ARE breathtakingly beautiful, no matter what is (or what's not) on your face.
When I first heard the idea, I had mixed reactions to it. On the one hand, I was all on fire for the idea. On the other hand, I was somewhat terrified. "Go without covering my flaws for a whole month?! How would I survive??!"
A lot of guys don't understand why this is such a big deal for a lot of girls. If you're one of those guys, keep reading. Even if you aren't, keep reading, as well. :) There are plenty of reasons, but here are the major few:
1. "I'm not pretty enough."
2. "Guys won't find me attractive." (YES, we secretly think this because we care about what you think of us!)
3. "I have so many flaws."
I'm going to unpack all three of these reasons, getting to the heart of the issue and what we can (and should) do about it...
1. "I'm not pretty enough."
This is a complete lie in itself. I believe that we are all beautiful in our own unique ways, because God created us in His image, and He doesn't make trash. Yes, we have been corrupted by sin, but that doesn't make us any less valuable in His sight. Yet, somehow, Satan whispers in each of our ears, "Why would anyone think you're pretty? What's so special about you?" I know there are so many days when I pick a fight with the mirror, and no matter what I do with myself, I still can't please it. Yet, like I said before, God doesn't make trash. He has created us each in His image, and we are precious in His sight. Isaiah 40:1b, 4 says this:
" 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
...Because you are precious in my eyes,
And honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.' "
This is how valuable we are to God!! Even though He is speaking to Israel through Isaiah, I believe He feels this way towards His people.
2. "Guys won't find me attractive."
I've talked to several of my close guy friends about this. By asking them about it, I've come to find something very interesting, and that is this: THEY DON'T CARE. At least two of them has even encouraged me to not wear makeup, because for one, it covers up our REAL face, and two, because they want to see how truly beautiful we really are without it. Not in a shallow way at all. Two other guys I've talked to have told me that I don't look any different without it on. Which is so true... I am still the same person, with or without makeup. Besides, what matters is not how you look, but everything else: how you act towards others, how much of a friend you are, and how much do you love and radiate Christ. The right guy will totally fall for you, no matter what's on your face (or what's not), because even though he might be attracted to you, he will fall even more in love with the woman you are on the inside.
1 Peter 3:3-4 is a verse most Christian girls have grown up hearing. It's such a good verse, but I think most of us have grown calloused to what it has to say to us. So, even though you may already know it, I will write it (er, type it) out here:
"Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
This verse applies to today's society SO much and we often don't realize it. Even though a lot of us don't braid our hair regularly, we take the time to straighten it, curl it, make it wavy, cut it, etc. We girls also love to accessorize and go shopping... which is totally not a bad thing! It's also not a bad thing at all to want to look nice and such. It's when we believe that we can't be beautiful without those things that it becomes a problem. I believe for us girls, beauty in itself has become some sort of idol. Instead of spending quality time with God in the morning, we take more time getting our hair and makeup just right. I repeat: this is not a bad thing at all!!! I like making myself look nice. Most girls do. However, when we put that above God does it become a problem. We fail to realize that our outward beauty WILL fade as we get older... We'll be really funny-looking and wrinkly old people. But our inward beauty NEVER FADES; that's what is meant by imperishable beauty.
3. "I have so many flaws."
This is the one that I've struggled with for so long. Every single morning when I roll out of bed, turn on my bathroom light, and look in that mirror, the first thing I notice are my blemishes. Let me say it is SO frustrating for me because I wash my face, moisturize it, and dab the pimple cream on every single night. More often than not, though, they still won't go away. That's why I wear makeup; to cover the blemishes. It's definitely an easy way to temporarily make them disappear. And those dark circles under my eyes! The horror!
Every morning, Satan has the perfect timing in whispering to me: "Look at those blemishes! That is absolutely disgusting! You need to cover those up... And those lashes... What lashes?! Gotta make them longer and darker! How else will you get noticed?" Most mornings I give in and cover it all up, making believe that as long as it's all on, I'm decent looking.
But that's just it. Even with it on, I still feel plain and not pretty 95% of the time. So why do I keep putting it on?
I think the real issues are contentment with who we are and our pride. Girls see other gorgeous girls, which leads to thinking, "Why can't I be as pretty as her?" Which is pretty much like slapping God in the face, saying, "You did it all wrong with me." But He didn't!!! Pride also gets in the way, because we all have a desire to be the best; for girls, we want to be the most beautiful. However, we tend to go about that the wrong way.
I'm gonna say this again: GOD DOES NOT MAKE TRASH.
I hope that's gotten stuck in your head now.
So, to wrap up, I want to challenge all girls to participate in this No-Makeup November thing. If you don't, I'm not gonna be mad or sad or anything. I just know what it feels like to feel worthless and ugly. I think this is a great challenge for me personally, because I've been struggling so much with this. This will definitely help me to focus on what my true identity is and who I really am in Christ and how beautiful I really am because I was created in His image.
If you feel worthless and plain, I hope and pray that you come to find that you really ARE worth everything and that you ARE breathtakingly beautiful, no matter what is (or what's not) on your face.
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