There are heavy hearts all across America right now. What happened today in Connecticut was a very heartbreaking, tragic thing; no one can deny that. It's interesting to me, though, because I stop myself when I notice myself and so many other people questioning, "Why would someone do something so terrible?"
The answer is pretty simple: We are all born into sin. Being sinful isn't just being imperfect, though. Being sinful is more than that; it's being enemies of God. We all deserve punishment: death. "That's kind of extreme, don't you think?" Well, yeah, it is. But if we were all good people deep down, why would we need a Savior?
Christmas is a fun time of year. Some people would say, "It's the most wonderful time of year!" And so it probably is. (It's my favorite, too!) There are many memories made around this time of year: baking cookies, spending time with family and friends, good food, and of course you can't forget the Christmas lights! Why do we do all of this, though?
We hear people on the radio, on street corners, and everywhere in tarnation telling us that "Jesus is the reason for the season!" And so it is. I have no problem with those people; what they say is absolutely true. How many of us, though, really know WHY Jesus is the reason? We hear the Christmas story all the time, but do people really believe it? I think if people truly believed this story, and the Gospel itself, then we would be more excited and ready to share those things with everyone we knew; we would want to tell the whole world! As I'm writing this and thinking all of this through, the Holy Spirit convicts me because I know that I am not doing that. Why am I not telling everyone this good news? Am I afraid? Not really. Am I ashamed? Not at all. So then, what's my problem? I think personally, that I take my salvation for granted a lot of the time. I live in America, where I can pray, go to church 2-3 times a week, have enough money to live in a nice house and go to a Christian university, buy and download worship songs to put on my iphone, etc. I live in America, where I am not persecuted for my faith. I don't have an urgency to share the Gospel, because the Gospel is not at threat here in America... Or is it? Either way, I am becoming more thankful for the grace He has given to me, for the call to live and be with Him forever. The keyword is becoming... it's definitely a process. I hope I can become even more thankful for that precious gift.
I sat around a small group of women, young and older this afternoon, and one of the women shared with us how she found out that at the school she and several other women serve at, NONE of the kids knew the real reason for Christmas; all they knew about was the material things about it. They had no clue that Christmas was about Jesus. How sad and heartbreaking is that? Then I think of all those kids that were shot today at the elementary school... How many of THEM were ever told about Jesus?
The shooting today is worthy of mourning. Many lost their lives and many more lost their loved ones. In the midst of all of this, God gave us hope. God became a man. A real man, with human body parts, emotions and feelings like hunger, temptation, and grief. The celebration of Christmas is a celebration of hope. In the midst of this dark world, this Light came. From the manger to the cross, Christ carried out God's plan of salvation for those who are His. Because of Him, we are free. We have a hope and a future. I thank God that this world is not our real home. We have something more beautiful and wonderful than we could ever imagine waiting for us. Oh what a glorious day that will be!
Forgive us, Lord for our lack of urgency about sharing the hard, but beautiful Gospel. Forgive our apathy. Help us to recognize the sinfulness in this world. Give us all an urgency for sharing Your truths, Your love, and Your way, the only way. May we as believers let our light shine in the darkness.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Semester Reflections.
The semester's almost over. Unlike the past two, this one zoomed by. "Where did the time go?" I find myself asking others in normal conversations. There's so much that I've pondered.
I remember the beginning of the semester feeling just overwhelmed because I was taking 18 hours at the time (including being in a musical). I dropped out of the musical eventually because 1. I had an insignificant role and wouldn't be terribly missed, and 2. It took so much time away from me and added so much stress. After that, I felt so free and at peace with my life. It was hard, because I love acting and singing (and both combined!), but I knew it was the right decision.
In adding to that, I truly learned not to overcommit. I knew I had always had that problem, but it really stood out to me this semester. Saying no is hard for me, because I love helping people and being involved in everything. (Plus I'm a WOO - which means I'm an extreme extrovert! JBU people know what I'm talking about.) But at some point, I wear myself out and become extremely stressed and overwhelmed with all of it; then I forget the point of why I'm doing all these things and they become more of a burden than a blessing. So, believe it or not, I've learned to say no. I'm still working on it, though. In fact, the other day at my voice lesson, my voice teacher asked me if I would be interested in singing for a nursing home (or something of the like?) after finals. I said "yes" at first, but my mind was plagued with worry throughout the rest of the lesson, with questions like, "What would I sing? How many programs am I singing for besides this one anyway? Where is this place? Wait a minute, I don't even know these people!!" So, at the end of the lesson, I apologized to her and told her I couldn't do it. I felt better that I had said no afterwards.
Speaking of getting worn out with things, I've become more of a home-body this semester. That's kind of a big deal for me, because in the past, I never wanted to be at home. I would spend as much time as I could with my friends on campus. I think part of the reason for wanting to be at home more has to do with the fact that I have a boyfriend now, who doesn't go to JBU and so we hang out at my house on the weekends. I also think part of it has to do with what happened to me this summer; with a broken leg, I learned to entertain myself at home, and I grew to love it. Even this semester, it's nice to come home and get a hug from my mom and make myself a cup of peppermint tea, do my own laundry for free, and study in my own room. Part of saying no to things is sometimes saying no to social gatherings/parties. For instance, last night after Candlelight was the J. Alvin (all-guys' dorm) Christmas party; friends asked me if I would go. If they had asked me last year, I would've said, "YES!" with no hesitation. This year, however, I declined immediately because I knew I would be tired and that I needed to go home right after the concert and go to bed.
I don't know if college does this with everybody, but I think I've become more introverted this year. I do appreciate coming home every night and having quite a bit of alone time. Maybe I'm just becoming more aware of my limitations: physically, emotionally, and mentally.
This semester was actually one of a lack of spiritual growth. Which sounds awful, but I recognized that I didn't grow as much as I did over the summer. I know people go through times of spiking growth and even times of not-so-much growth, but I had even questioned whether I was making any difference in anyone's life: was I being a good witness to others? Was I showing Christ to them? What was I doing that would contribute to the Kingdom? At one point, I felt like a failure in all of these different ways. Then, an acquaintance of mine Facebook messaged me, and asked me how I was so successful. I was very confused because I thought to myself, "What could I have possibly been successful at?" They responded to my question with how I seemed to be such a great friend and student, so talented at music.. how did I do it? I was a bit curious, because I didn't think I had been that successful as a student, and I don't think too highly of myself as far as my music goes. I always try to be the best friend I can be though, I would like for people to rely on me for anything and to be there for people. Anywho, it was a great encouragement to me, because it showed I had made an impact on at least one person's life. That is one of my biggest goals in life: to show Christ and make an impact on others' lives, whether it be with my music or the way I interact with others. Just recently in the past few weeks, I've been reading my Bible on my own more often, and have been getting back on track in my walk with Christ. I am so thankful that He is faithful, even when I am not.
Lately, I have also been frustrated with myself in choir. I love Women's Chorus very much, but I have been frustrated with myself because I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to music, and I get annoyed sometimes when we don't perform songs the way I think they should be performed. Part of that comes with pride - I have a very musical background, and I feel as though I have to live up to the greatness of my family members involved in music. I know they are all proud of me and support me no matter what, but it still puts some pressure on me regardless. Last night after the concert, I went home and when I went to bed, I laid there thinking, "Is it even worth it?" They need you. "...Really?" Yes. "Well, I know I'm an older girl, and we do have a lot of freshmen in our group; we do every year. There's not many older girls that stay in Women's Chorus." No, there's not. They need you. "Ugh... Really?" and so on. I finally gave up trying to resolve the argument I was having with myself in my head and drifted off to sleep. Tonight, we all gathered in the theory room on the first floor of the cathedral, and one of the young women shared that she needed prayer for strength to get through the Candlelight service and the whole Christmas season because she lost her dad to cancer in August. We all sat/stood around her, laying hands on her. With tear-filled eyes, we prayed for her, praying truth and Scripture to her. As we all prayed, I was encouraged listening to everyone's words of encouragement, comfort, and earnestness. Another young woman shared her testimony and shared the passage of Habakkuk 3:17-18, which says: "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation." She told us that we may not see the light in tough situations in this life, or blessings come out of hard times, but we do have one blessing: that God is the light of our salvation, and He has redeemed us. What a beautiful truth, and I am very grateful for it to be shared with me tonight. Tonight has reminded me that God may not always reveal the reason why things happen, and we may not see fruit or the blessing that comes with a trial, but everything He does has a purpose, and He is always good. Tonight has also reminded me that He has blessed me with a diverse, yet wonderful group of women in Women's Chorus, and that the fellowship and unity we have with each other is absolutely beautiful. Another thing to add on top of that is this: I was again reminded of why I want to go into ministry. I have a heart for young women, and I want to minister to them, teach them, disciple them. We'll see where God leads.
I also was accepted as a finalist for Next Big Thing at JBU again. (NO, it is not the same thing as the one on Disney Channel, for those still wondering. Haha!) I actually didn't think I would make it. Not that I think of myself as a horrible musician/songwriter, but there was more competition this year than there was last year, and I know there are a ton of talented people at JBU. Just because I made it last year, that doesn't guarantee me a spot this year. I just thought to myself, "Surely not me... There are so many other people better than me out there." Nevertheless, I was accepted again! God gave me a joyful yes! This is a second chance: will I use the gifts and talents that God has given to me to give glory back to Him and to minister to others? We shall also see where this journey leads this year.
I pray next semester will be even better, with more for me to learn and more growth in all areas of my life. May I never forget that He is the giver of good gifts, and may I never squander what He has given to me. May my life always reflect Jesus, and may I speak truth to others in every possible way. Amen, let it be so.
I remember the beginning of the semester feeling just overwhelmed because I was taking 18 hours at the time (including being in a musical). I dropped out of the musical eventually because 1. I had an insignificant role and wouldn't be terribly missed, and 2. It took so much time away from me and added so much stress. After that, I felt so free and at peace with my life. It was hard, because I love acting and singing (and both combined!), but I knew it was the right decision.
In adding to that, I truly learned not to overcommit. I knew I had always had that problem, but it really stood out to me this semester. Saying no is hard for me, because I love helping people and being involved in everything. (Plus I'm a WOO - which means I'm an extreme extrovert! JBU people know what I'm talking about.) But at some point, I wear myself out and become extremely stressed and overwhelmed with all of it; then I forget the point of why I'm doing all these things and they become more of a burden than a blessing. So, believe it or not, I've learned to say no. I'm still working on it, though. In fact, the other day at my voice lesson, my voice teacher asked me if I would be interested in singing for a nursing home (or something of the like?) after finals. I said "yes" at first, but my mind was plagued with worry throughout the rest of the lesson, with questions like, "What would I sing? How many programs am I singing for besides this one anyway? Where is this place? Wait a minute, I don't even know these people!!" So, at the end of the lesson, I apologized to her and told her I couldn't do it. I felt better that I had said no afterwards.
Speaking of getting worn out with things, I've become more of a home-body this semester. That's kind of a big deal for me, because in the past, I never wanted to be at home. I would spend as much time as I could with my friends on campus. I think part of the reason for wanting to be at home more has to do with the fact that I have a boyfriend now, who doesn't go to JBU and so we hang out at my house on the weekends. I also think part of it has to do with what happened to me this summer; with a broken leg, I learned to entertain myself at home, and I grew to love it. Even this semester, it's nice to come home and get a hug from my mom and make myself a cup of peppermint tea, do my own laundry for free, and study in my own room. Part of saying no to things is sometimes saying no to social gatherings/parties. For instance, last night after Candlelight was the J. Alvin (all-guys' dorm) Christmas party; friends asked me if I would go. If they had asked me last year, I would've said, "YES!" with no hesitation. This year, however, I declined immediately because I knew I would be tired and that I needed to go home right after the concert and go to bed.
I don't know if college does this with everybody, but I think I've become more introverted this year. I do appreciate coming home every night and having quite a bit of alone time. Maybe I'm just becoming more aware of my limitations: physically, emotionally, and mentally.
This semester was actually one of a lack of spiritual growth. Which sounds awful, but I recognized that I didn't grow as much as I did over the summer. I know people go through times of spiking growth and even times of not-so-much growth, but I had even questioned whether I was making any difference in anyone's life: was I being a good witness to others? Was I showing Christ to them? What was I doing that would contribute to the Kingdom? At one point, I felt like a failure in all of these different ways. Then, an acquaintance of mine Facebook messaged me, and asked me how I was so successful. I was very confused because I thought to myself, "What could I have possibly been successful at?" They responded to my question with how I seemed to be such a great friend and student, so talented at music.. how did I do it? I was a bit curious, because I didn't think I had been that successful as a student, and I don't think too highly of myself as far as my music goes. I always try to be the best friend I can be though, I would like for people to rely on me for anything and to be there for people. Anywho, it was a great encouragement to me, because it showed I had made an impact on at least one person's life. That is one of my biggest goals in life: to show Christ and make an impact on others' lives, whether it be with my music or the way I interact with others. Just recently in the past few weeks, I've been reading my Bible on my own more often, and have been getting back on track in my walk with Christ. I am so thankful that He is faithful, even when I am not.
Lately, I have also been frustrated with myself in choir. I love Women's Chorus very much, but I have been frustrated with myself because I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to music, and I get annoyed sometimes when we don't perform songs the way I think they should be performed. Part of that comes with pride - I have a very musical background, and I feel as though I have to live up to the greatness of my family members involved in music. I know they are all proud of me and support me no matter what, but it still puts some pressure on me regardless. Last night after the concert, I went home and when I went to bed, I laid there thinking, "Is it even worth it?" They need you. "...Really?" Yes. "Well, I know I'm an older girl, and we do have a lot of freshmen in our group; we do every year. There's not many older girls that stay in Women's Chorus." No, there's not. They need you. "Ugh... Really?" and so on. I finally gave up trying to resolve the argument I was having with myself in my head and drifted off to sleep. Tonight, we all gathered in the theory room on the first floor of the cathedral, and one of the young women shared that she needed prayer for strength to get through the Candlelight service and the whole Christmas season because she lost her dad to cancer in August. We all sat/stood around her, laying hands on her. With tear-filled eyes, we prayed for her, praying truth and Scripture to her. As we all prayed, I was encouraged listening to everyone's words of encouragement, comfort, and earnestness. Another young woman shared her testimony and shared the passage of Habakkuk 3:17-18, which says: "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation." She told us that we may not see the light in tough situations in this life, or blessings come out of hard times, but we do have one blessing: that God is the light of our salvation, and He has redeemed us. What a beautiful truth, and I am very grateful for it to be shared with me tonight. Tonight has reminded me that God may not always reveal the reason why things happen, and we may not see fruit or the blessing that comes with a trial, but everything He does has a purpose, and He is always good. Tonight has also reminded me that He has blessed me with a diverse, yet wonderful group of women in Women's Chorus, and that the fellowship and unity we have with each other is absolutely beautiful. Another thing to add on top of that is this: I was again reminded of why I want to go into ministry. I have a heart for young women, and I want to minister to them, teach them, disciple them. We'll see where God leads.
I also was accepted as a finalist for Next Big Thing at JBU again. (NO, it is not the same thing as the one on Disney Channel, for those still wondering. Haha!) I actually didn't think I would make it. Not that I think of myself as a horrible musician/songwriter, but there was more competition this year than there was last year, and I know there are a ton of talented people at JBU. Just because I made it last year, that doesn't guarantee me a spot this year. I just thought to myself, "Surely not me... There are so many other people better than me out there." Nevertheless, I was accepted again! God gave me a joyful yes! This is a second chance: will I use the gifts and talents that God has given to me to give glory back to Him and to minister to others? We shall also see where this journey leads this year.
I pray next semester will be even better, with more for me to learn and more growth in all areas of my life. May I never forget that He is the giver of good gifts, and may I never squander what He has given to me. May my life always reflect Jesus, and may I speak truth to others in every possible way. Amen, let it be so.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Through a Disciple's Eyes
December 24th. Eyes full of wonder, I stared up at the cross in the front of the large and brightly lit sanctuary. "This, this is Christ the King," the chorus of harmonious voices seemed to ring out through the whole world at that moment. How could there be people that don't believe in a God that created this beautiful gift of music? How is it possible that there are people that don't believe that we have a Savior, born as a human man and come to wash away the sins of His people? I kept my eyes fixed on that cross for a good minute. Sparkling eyes that mirrored the lights lining this room then trailed off to look at the people around me. All smiles. Beautiful music and my family standing in a row, hearts full of love. "Lord, I am ready to live for You."
You will deny Me.
Pride sparks the fire of jealousy. The fool purses her lips and brings evil to pass. Little did I know that pride comes before destruction. Friends divided. Witness ruined.
Sister is furious. Instead of building a dam, I let loose the forceful, spraying waterfall, as it tumbles down the hill. Hatred spills from my insides and from my lips like acid from my stomach. The fool cannot shut her mouth. The damage cannot be undone. Bitterness lingers.
A debate is sparked. No longer a simple fool, but a Pharisee. A hypocrite. I speak of love and kindness but brutally murder others with my words. "Legalist!" they cry. I shrug, only doing my duty as a Christian to tell them how they err in their ways. Apathy grows as a cancer inside of me for the very people God came to save. The perfect recipe for a hardened heart. A cold, stone heart.
The rooster crows. Jesus turns to me. Looks at me.
Oh, Lord. Chills run up my arms and legs. Those haunting eyes. Why?
And I remember.
I fall on my knees on the carpeted floor in my bedroom. Eyes blurred by tears. Forgive my apathy! Forgive my pride! Forgive every vile thing in the innermost corners of my heart. Sweep out every cobweb, every speck of dirt, every piece of filth. Forgive me: a Pharisee. Scrub me down. But how? I'm so disgusting. Kyrie Eleison - Lord, have mercy on me.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Seek the Lord and live.
Oh, how He is faithful!
A man looking on from the outside. Lonely. I can see it in his eyes. Do you love Me? One word of greeting and a smile. An almost forgotten smile cracks on his line-drawn face. Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.
A friend come to make amends after years of hidden bitterness stored up inside of me. No apology from her. Do you love Me? I take the glue and repair what has been broken, with some Help. Yes, Lord.
The clock reads 12:30. My hand reaches to turn out the lamp. I glance down at the worn pink Bible and the devotional book on the bedside table just inches from my hand. Do you love Me? I pick the Bible up, and turn to where the bookmark was left. Yes, Lord.
Every day, His call is ever before me, stronger than ever: Follow Me.
Please be my strength.
You will deny Me.
Pride sparks the fire of jealousy. The fool purses her lips and brings evil to pass. Little did I know that pride comes before destruction. Friends divided. Witness ruined.
Sister is furious. Instead of building a dam, I let loose the forceful, spraying waterfall, as it tumbles down the hill. Hatred spills from my insides and from my lips like acid from my stomach. The fool cannot shut her mouth. The damage cannot be undone. Bitterness lingers.
A debate is sparked. No longer a simple fool, but a Pharisee. A hypocrite. I speak of love and kindness but brutally murder others with my words. "Legalist!" they cry. I shrug, only doing my duty as a Christian to tell them how they err in their ways. Apathy grows as a cancer inside of me for the very people God came to save. The perfect recipe for a hardened heart. A cold, stone heart.
The rooster crows. Jesus turns to me. Looks at me.
Oh, Lord. Chills run up my arms and legs. Those haunting eyes. Why?
And I remember.
I fall on my knees on the carpeted floor in my bedroom. Eyes blurred by tears. Forgive my apathy! Forgive my pride! Forgive every vile thing in the innermost corners of my heart. Sweep out every cobweb, every speck of dirt, every piece of filth. Forgive me: a Pharisee. Scrub me down. But how? I'm so disgusting. Kyrie Eleison - Lord, have mercy on me.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Seek the Lord and live.
Oh, how He is faithful!
A man looking on from the outside. Lonely. I can see it in his eyes. Do you love Me? One word of greeting and a smile. An almost forgotten smile cracks on his line-drawn face. Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.
A friend come to make amends after years of hidden bitterness stored up inside of me. No apology from her. Do you love Me? I take the glue and repair what has been broken, with some Help. Yes, Lord.
The clock reads 12:30. My hand reaches to turn out the lamp. I glance down at the worn pink Bible and the devotional book on the bedside table just inches from my hand. Do you love Me? I pick the Bible up, and turn to where the bookmark was left. Yes, Lord.
Every day, His call is ever before me, stronger than ever: Follow Me.
Please be my strength.
Monday, November 19, 2012
From Across the Room
The slam of the truck door. The brisk half-walk, half-run through the parking lot. Opening the door to the Catfish Hole. "Will there be 2?" "Five, actually." "Okay, right this way." I pull out the chair closest to the wall.
Hush puppies, green tomato relish, and cole slaw are all set on the table. After I've consumed two of the hush puppies from the bowl, I look up and see her. One of the waitresses. Straight blonde hair in a messy bun. She finally swept to our table and refilled all of our drinks without a word, then with a huff she slipped away as fast as she came. We all looked at each other and shrugged, wondering what her deal was.
As she came back a few minutes later to refill our hush puppies, I looked back up at her and smiled. There seemed to be a hint of gratefulness in her eyes, and she actually smiled back. The few times she came back to our table, she seemed more friendly towards us.
This made me think: I have to wonder how many of us actually convey our gratitude to the people who serve us, and even if we do, do we really mean it?
Thanksgiving is coming up, and we all know we're supposed to be thankful for what we've been blessed with. Ironically, we have a "holiday" the day right after, where we wait in lines for hours so we can push and shove each other in stores in order to buy all this stuff that we think we NEED to have. America is a pretty stinking rich country; if you look at the world around us, most don't have half of the stuff we do.
Does anyone else see anything wrong with this?
This is convicting to me because if all of my stuff were taken away, all of my electronics, other comforts, my money, my car, my own room, etc... Would I still be thankful for what little I had left?
One of the pastors at church yesterday, Steve Barthelemy, preached on Psalm 100. Verses 1-4 are full of commands: 1. Make a joyful noise, 2. Serve the Lord with gladness, 3. Know that the Lord is God, and 4. Enter His gates with thanksgiving (give thanks). Following those verses in v.5, we are given the reason for these commands: "For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." God is good all of the time, no matter the circumstance we are given, and that is reason enough to give our thanks to Him. Even if we are in the midst of any sort of trial, especially if we are in some sort of trial, we are to give thanks to God for what He has blessed us with: as believers, we have been saved by grace through faith alone.
Thankfulness is a bigger thing than we might think it to be. Without it, how do you think we would react to the gift of salvation that we have been given through Christ?
We are commanded to be thankful to God ultimately, but we should also convey our gratitude for those in everyday life that serve us. Even if that person wipes off tables at a restaurant or teaches our least favorite class, even if their job seems insignificant, it can completely change someone's day to merely thank them for even the smallest or most humbling of jobs.
Now, finish your classes and go hang out with your family; and genuinely thank them for who they are and what they've done in your life! I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving holiday/break. :)
Hush puppies, green tomato relish, and cole slaw are all set on the table. After I've consumed two of the hush puppies from the bowl, I look up and see her. One of the waitresses. Straight blonde hair in a messy bun. She finally swept to our table and refilled all of our drinks without a word, then with a huff she slipped away as fast as she came. We all looked at each other and shrugged, wondering what her deal was.
As she came back a few minutes later to refill our hush puppies, I looked back up at her and smiled. There seemed to be a hint of gratefulness in her eyes, and she actually smiled back. The few times she came back to our table, she seemed more friendly towards us.
This made me think: I have to wonder how many of us actually convey our gratitude to the people who serve us, and even if we do, do we really mean it?
Thanksgiving is coming up, and we all know we're supposed to be thankful for what we've been blessed with. Ironically, we have a "holiday" the day right after, where we wait in lines for hours so we can push and shove each other in stores in order to buy all this stuff that we think we NEED to have. America is a pretty stinking rich country; if you look at the world around us, most don't have half of the stuff we do.
Does anyone else see anything wrong with this?
This is convicting to me because if all of my stuff were taken away, all of my electronics, other comforts, my money, my car, my own room, etc... Would I still be thankful for what little I had left?
One of the pastors at church yesterday, Steve Barthelemy, preached on Psalm 100. Verses 1-4 are full of commands: 1. Make a joyful noise, 2. Serve the Lord with gladness, 3. Know that the Lord is God, and 4. Enter His gates with thanksgiving (give thanks). Following those verses in v.5, we are given the reason for these commands: "For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." God is good all of the time, no matter the circumstance we are given, and that is reason enough to give our thanks to Him. Even if we are in the midst of any sort of trial, especially if we are in some sort of trial, we are to give thanks to God for what He has blessed us with: as believers, we have been saved by grace through faith alone.
Thankfulness is a bigger thing than we might think it to be. Without it, how do you think we would react to the gift of salvation that we have been given through Christ?
We are commanded to be thankful to God ultimately, but we should also convey our gratitude for those in everyday life that serve us. Even if that person wipes off tables at a restaurant or teaches our least favorite class, even if their job seems insignificant, it can completely change someone's day to merely thank them for even the smallest or most humbling of jobs.
Now, finish your classes and go hang out with your family; and genuinely thank them for who they are and what they've done in your life! I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving holiday/break. :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
(Another) Post About Pride.
Well, it's been over a month since the last time I posted on here... I guess because nothing's really happened since then. False, there's been a lot going on, just nothing really "post-worthy." Until just recently, that is.
I'll start off by saying that I absolutely hate conflict. Most of you that know me well, know this fact. One of my top strengths is harmony: I keep the peace among my group of friends and step in where it needs to be taken care of. Another of my top strengths is belief: I am stubborn and my mind won't be swayed very easily to believing in something contrary to what I already believe in. Which are both very good things, but Satan is the master of twisting very good things into very ugly things.
Lately, I've noticed a lot of what I see as conflict among my friends. It has never been anything major, it just drives me crazy because I am a harmonious person, and to me, conflict = upset and unhappy people. This is not the case 99.9% of the time, but I seem to over-exaggerate the situation, and I see conflict negatively. I think that's because I have lost very good friends of mine over a single argument, and it has affected me a lot. Anywho, this certain thing has kept popping up in "discussions" that I have with some of my friends, and because it has made other friends annoyed/upset, I have felt the need to step in and say, "Enough's enough, let's move on" because I want everyone to be happy and get along with each other. Some of my friends feel the need to talk things over for a long time before it's all better again, and that drives me crazy! I'm the kind of person that apologizes/has someone apologize to me, and then all is forgiven, and then we move on immediately. I push it all in the past; what's done is done, and we can learn from our mistakes and move on. So, I tell my friends who are not like me that they don't need to talk things out for forever about what I feel like are really small issues that don't need to be discussed.
I also look at my friends and see the choices that they make. Let me make clear that these decisions are very wise decisions, and it is what's right for them. However, lately, I have just felt frustrated and sometimes angry with them because they're not doing what I personally would do, and I feel the need to tell them that they're doing it wrong. I believed very strongly that they weren't doing things the right way and that it would just be so much easier if they did it the way I would do it.
Both of these instances have hurt friends in some way. All because of my pride.
On Tuesday, we took communion in chapel. Tracy Balzer spoke on 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 (which is a passage focused on the Lord's supper). She explained that the word communion is linked with the community - we are people of community and we take communion together as a body of believers. She also focused on verse 18: there were divisions among the people in Corinth, and thus taking the Lord's supper in an unworthy manner. My mind went instantly to my friends and the situation I was in with them. Ironically, in what I thought was trying to keep the peace, I had actually created division among my friends, or at least encouraged it. I was convicted, but later was again confronted with the problem and made it worse. Talking it out with them this time, really truly listening to their side and understanding how they felt opened my eyes to the situation even more. This time, I truly felt sorry. My stupid pride had encouraged true conflict.
Even though we've talked it out and fixed everything for the most part, I have to remember that we are all different in so many ways; we were all raised in different backgrounds, families, environments, and we all have different personalities with different likes and dislikes. We should never try to "fix" our friends. (Unless they had a serious problem, then we definitely should encourage change...)
I remember talking with a friend last semester about something similar to this, and they told me that they learned this same truth: "We can't change our friends or the choices they make. Only God can do that. We can only love them and pray for them."
I have humbled myself before them and before God. It's so hard to do that, because we never want to own up when we're wrong. That's what needs to be done in every relationship, in friendship, marriage, etc. When both sides are willing to admit when they're wrong, then God can mold their hearts and thus the relationship is strengthened even more. We are called to live in humility: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5), "Humble yourselves before the Lord..." (James 4:10), "Whoever humbles himself [like this child] is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:4), and "'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6).
Another lesson (hopefully) learned... Thank God that He forgives me of ALL of the stupid stuff I say and do.
I'll start off by saying that I absolutely hate conflict. Most of you that know me well, know this fact. One of my top strengths is harmony: I keep the peace among my group of friends and step in where it needs to be taken care of. Another of my top strengths is belief: I am stubborn and my mind won't be swayed very easily to believing in something contrary to what I already believe in. Which are both very good things, but Satan is the master of twisting very good things into very ugly things.
Lately, I've noticed a lot of what I see as conflict among my friends. It has never been anything major, it just drives me crazy because I am a harmonious person, and to me, conflict = upset and unhappy people. This is not the case 99.9% of the time, but I seem to over-exaggerate the situation, and I see conflict negatively. I think that's because I have lost very good friends of mine over a single argument, and it has affected me a lot. Anywho, this certain thing has kept popping up in "discussions" that I have with some of my friends, and because it has made other friends annoyed/upset, I have felt the need to step in and say, "Enough's enough, let's move on" because I want everyone to be happy and get along with each other. Some of my friends feel the need to talk things over for a long time before it's all better again, and that drives me crazy! I'm the kind of person that apologizes/has someone apologize to me, and then all is forgiven, and then we move on immediately. I push it all in the past; what's done is done, and we can learn from our mistakes and move on. So, I tell my friends who are not like me that they don't need to talk things out for forever about what I feel like are really small issues that don't need to be discussed.
I also look at my friends and see the choices that they make. Let me make clear that these decisions are very wise decisions, and it is what's right for them. However, lately, I have just felt frustrated and sometimes angry with them because they're not doing what I personally would do, and I feel the need to tell them that they're doing it wrong. I believed very strongly that they weren't doing things the right way and that it would just be so much easier if they did it the way I would do it.
Both of these instances have hurt friends in some way. All because of my pride.
On Tuesday, we took communion in chapel. Tracy Balzer spoke on 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 (which is a passage focused on the Lord's supper). She explained that the word communion is linked with the community - we are people of community and we take communion together as a body of believers. She also focused on verse 18: there were divisions among the people in Corinth, and thus taking the Lord's supper in an unworthy manner. My mind went instantly to my friends and the situation I was in with them. Ironically, in what I thought was trying to keep the peace, I had actually created division among my friends, or at least encouraged it. I was convicted, but later was again confronted with the problem and made it worse. Talking it out with them this time, really truly listening to their side and understanding how they felt opened my eyes to the situation even more. This time, I truly felt sorry. My stupid pride had encouraged true conflict.
Even though we've talked it out and fixed everything for the most part, I have to remember that we are all different in so many ways; we were all raised in different backgrounds, families, environments, and we all have different personalities with different likes and dislikes. We should never try to "fix" our friends. (Unless they had a serious problem, then we definitely should encourage change...)
I remember talking with a friend last semester about something similar to this, and they told me that they learned this same truth: "We can't change our friends or the choices they make. Only God can do that. We can only love them and pray for them."
I have humbled myself before them and before God. It's so hard to do that, because we never want to own up when we're wrong. That's what needs to be done in every relationship, in friendship, marriage, etc. When both sides are willing to admit when they're wrong, then God can mold their hearts and thus the relationship is strengthened even more. We are called to live in humility: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5), "Humble yourselves before the Lord..." (James 4:10), "Whoever humbles himself [like this child] is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:4), and "'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6).
Another lesson (hopefully) learned... Thank God that He forgives me of ALL of the stupid stuff I say and do.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
A Letter to Me.
Dear Lauren,
You had no idea.
Even just last semester you were struggling. Struggling with contentment, with relationships around you, with uncertainty of the future. You were questioning "why" on a lot of things. You created plans and were going to be a witness to people in the workplace and summer school. Or so you thought. You had no idea.
You didn't know.
With plans all made and set in the stone of your head and heart, you were certain that summer would be crazy busy, with all of the work that you would do at McAlister's and NWACC. You came to the conclusion that you would have no social life. But you finally became content. You had one day of freedom the day after your first day of work, and you wanted to spend it with a good friend. You didn't know that one choice and one action would change your plans and your life. You didn't know.
It was hard.
It hurt when you fell into the creek. All it took was one split second. Forgetting how to brake. A scream. Tumbling down, not knowing when you were going to stop, not knowing if you were going to die. A sore hip, a stinging forehead, a throbbing ankle, a scraped up body and four wheeler. Rips and blood stains on your favorite pair of jeans (which you had to cut up and throw away later). It was hard to get up from the creek. You had to have help. It was hard to even have help, because you were so independent; you didn't think you needed anyone to save you. But you did. And he was more than willing to help you.
It was hard to learn how to use crutches. It was hard to hear the bad news of not being able to keep your job and classes; it was hard to keep those tears from falling in the doctor's office. It was hard to let your daddy see you and hold you while you cried out in the parking lot. It was hard to not bend your knee at all for three straight weeks. It was hard to bear the early morning pains in your heel from not moving your leg around enough that night. It was hard (at first) to swallow that pill every single day. It was hard to be confined to a bed and a couch for almost a month, when you were so used to being busy running to-and-fro. It was hard to not go anywhere but the doctor's office for almost a month. It was hard wearing a boot for 9 weeks after that. It was hard to not be able to exercise and do normal things for 3 months. It. Was. HARD.
But then . . . it was worth it.
It was worth it to see Matt every few days. It was worth it to grow in your friendship and relationship with him. It was worth it to have good friends there with you to keep you company while you were bed/couch-ridden. It was worth it to be able to relax. It was worth it to be able to paint again. It was worth it to write about anything you wanted to. It was worth it to learn that staying at home is a good thing. It was worth it to learn to slow down. It was worth it to have the simple joy of walking without help again.
But most of all, it was worth it all to be a huge witness to the people around you. You LOVE telling people the story of what all happened to you this summer (which is why you write about it a lot, also). It's a story that definitely gives God all the glory and shows His active and protective hand in not only in your own life but in others' lives as well.
It was also worth it all to learn that God's plans are the best plans. Nothing you could ever plan yourself would be even close to what He had/still has in mind for you. This is another cause for you to give all the glory to God.
Never forget to do that in all you do.
With the hopes that you'll continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of Him,
Me.
You had no idea.
Even just last semester you were struggling. Struggling with contentment, with relationships around you, with uncertainty of the future. You were questioning "why" on a lot of things. You created plans and were going to be a witness to people in the workplace and summer school. Or so you thought. You had no idea.
You didn't know.
With plans all made and set in the stone of your head and heart, you were certain that summer would be crazy busy, with all of the work that you would do at McAlister's and NWACC. You came to the conclusion that you would have no social life. But you finally became content. You had one day of freedom the day after your first day of work, and you wanted to spend it with a good friend. You didn't know that one choice and one action would change your plans and your life. You didn't know.
It was hard.
It hurt when you fell into the creek. All it took was one split second. Forgetting how to brake. A scream. Tumbling down, not knowing when you were going to stop, not knowing if you were going to die. A sore hip, a stinging forehead, a throbbing ankle, a scraped up body and four wheeler. Rips and blood stains on your favorite pair of jeans (which you had to cut up and throw away later). It was hard to get up from the creek. You had to have help. It was hard to even have help, because you were so independent; you didn't think you needed anyone to save you. But you did. And he was more than willing to help you.
It was hard to learn how to use crutches. It was hard to hear the bad news of not being able to keep your job and classes; it was hard to keep those tears from falling in the doctor's office. It was hard to let your daddy see you and hold you while you cried out in the parking lot. It was hard to not bend your knee at all for three straight weeks. It was hard to bear the early morning pains in your heel from not moving your leg around enough that night. It was hard (at first) to swallow that pill every single day. It was hard to be confined to a bed and a couch for almost a month, when you were so used to being busy running to-and-fro. It was hard to not go anywhere but the doctor's office for almost a month. It was hard wearing a boot for 9 weeks after that. It was hard to not be able to exercise and do normal things for 3 months. It. Was. HARD.
But then . . . it was worth it.
It was worth it to see Matt every few days. It was worth it to grow in your friendship and relationship with him. It was worth it to have good friends there with you to keep you company while you were bed/couch-ridden. It was worth it to be able to relax. It was worth it to be able to paint again. It was worth it to write about anything you wanted to. It was worth it to learn that staying at home is a good thing. It was worth it to learn to slow down. It was worth it to have the simple joy of walking without help again.
But most of all, it was worth it all to be a huge witness to the people around you. You LOVE telling people the story of what all happened to you this summer (which is why you write about it a lot, also). It's a story that definitely gives God all the glory and shows His active and protective hand in not only in your own life but in others' lives as well.
It was also worth it all to learn that God's plans are the best plans. Nothing you could ever plan yourself would be even close to what He had/still has in mind for you. This is another cause for you to give all the glory to God.
Never forget to do that in all you do.
With the hopes that you'll continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of Him,
Me.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sinking in a Sea of Stress
It's been a while since I've posted on here. And for good reason. I have been so incredibly busy with school and homework and trying to keep up with my family, friends, and boyfriend. I've come to find out very quickly that taking 18 hours is quite stressful. In fact, I stayed home from classes today because I've been sick all day, and it's probably stress-related.
I don't handle stress well. I try to on the outside, but I get so worried about getting everything done and doing it right that the following happens: 1. I am too focused on trying to get stuff done more than actually learning what I'm working on, and 2. I become physically worn out, leaving my body a wreck that makes me become sick easily.
I'd like to think I am a hard worker; at least I try to be. I feel like I've worked harder this semester out of the three semesters I've been in college. I think it's because I HAVE to work hard . . . with so much going on, I don't want to fall behind and slack off in a class, thus leaving my grades to slip and fall. I think that's what my problem is: I've become so focused on getting good grades that I'm making myself sick over it. Why am I doing this to myself?
I talked with my mom about it tonight, and I came to the conclusion that this is the first semester that I actually care about succeeding in school. Not just "getting by," but REALLY succeeding. Not that I haven't wanted to in the past, I think it's just more apparent this semester. I've been pushing myself to be perfect, which I know deep down that it's not possible. So why do I do it?
It comes down to this: deep down, I have a huge struggle with pride. I think everyone does to some extent, but it hasn't really affected me until this semester. I look at my classmates who look like they are able to perform so easily and flawlessly, and here I am practicing my tail off in my music and feel like I am so behind and lacking in talent compared to them. I look at my peers and see that they are excelling in all of their music classes with such ease; I spend hours and hours on one assignment, and feel more stressed about getting it done than learning it, and end up feeling stupid compared to them. That's just it: I'm comparing myself to other people. Why can't I be a super genius like them? Why can't I be the great singer like some of my peers are? Why does it seem like they excel with almost no effort while I toil away studying for hours, giving up all of my free time for homework, and feel like I'm getting nowhere?
It got to the point where I was debating with myself last night over whether or not I should even be a music major. (I came to the conclusion that I need to stick with it, because I'm almost halfway through with my music classes anyway.)
There are two things I need to do to fix all of my problems/worries/stresses. (Yes, only two!)
I don't handle stress well. I try to on the outside, but I get so worried about getting everything done and doing it right that the following happens: 1. I am too focused on trying to get stuff done more than actually learning what I'm working on, and 2. I become physically worn out, leaving my body a wreck that makes me become sick easily.
I'd like to think I am a hard worker; at least I try to be. I feel like I've worked harder this semester out of the three semesters I've been in college. I think it's because I HAVE to work hard . . . with so much going on, I don't want to fall behind and slack off in a class, thus leaving my grades to slip and fall. I think that's what my problem is: I've become so focused on getting good grades that I'm making myself sick over it. Why am I doing this to myself?
I talked with my mom about it tonight, and I came to the conclusion that this is the first semester that I actually care about succeeding in school. Not just "getting by," but REALLY succeeding. Not that I haven't wanted to in the past, I think it's just more apparent this semester. I've been pushing myself to be perfect, which I know deep down that it's not possible. So why do I do it?
It comes down to this: deep down, I have a huge struggle with pride. I think everyone does to some extent, but it hasn't really affected me until this semester. I look at my classmates who look like they are able to perform so easily and flawlessly, and here I am practicing my tail off in my music and feel like I am so behind and lacking in talent compared to them. I look at my peers and see that they are excelling in all of their music classes with such ease; I spend hours and hours on one assignment, and feel more stressed about getting it done than learning it, and end up feeling stupid compared to them. That's just it: I'm comparing myself to other people. Why can't I be a super genius like them? Why can't I be the great singer like some of my peers are? Why does it seem like they excel with almost no effort while I toil away studying for hours, giving up all of my free time for homework, and feel like I'm getting nowhere?
It got to the point where I was debating with myself last night over whether or not I should even be a music major. (I came to the conclusion that I need to stick with it, because I'm almost halfway through with my music classes anyway.)
There are two things I need to do to fix all of my problems/worries/stresses. (Yes, only two!)
- Take one thing at a time.
- DO NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Seems too easy, right? Especially since I've come to find that most things in my life right now are hard. I guess it's easier said than done. If I keep telling myself over and over that I AM making good progress and that I am doing my best, maybe I'll believe it for real. As far as stress goes in getting everything done, I have my momma to thank for telling me to just take one thing at a time. That's all I really can do . . . I would love good grades and I'd like for them to reflect the hard work I've been doing, but you know what? Grades do not define who I am. I am a child of God! As long as I try my best and rely on Him for peace and contentment, then that's all that matters. I can glorify Him by doing my best but if I look over at what someone else is doing and get jealous or become slightly uncontent, I am not glorifying Him the way I should.
I'm hoping I can get back up on my feet tomorrow morning and get back to work so I don't fall behind . . . but this time, with a good attitude and to work hard for the RIGHT reasons.
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