To all of my friends/acquaintances who have been hurt by the church,
Your family was falling apart. The church did nothing.
You were struggling with your identity. The church laughed at you.
You needed help financially. The church didn't try to help.
You had questions. The church didn't try to answer them.
You needed love. The church didn't give you any.
You were different from everyone else. The church didn't include you.
You gave into temptation. The church called you names.
You needed truth. The church didn't teach it.
You needed Jesus. The church didn't share Him with you.
You got fed up and left. The church didn't run after you.
This is the sad truth for all of you. Today, I truly see and read ALL of the things you post on Facebook and Instagram. It breaks my heart to see you still struggling. I wish that had never happened to you.
You may not ever want to go to a church again. You've been hurt so badly and have been so impacted by what happened, that you would never put yourself in that position again. Never again would you put your heart out there for people to tear apart again.
You know what? I was deeply hurt by a church, too. Several, in fact.
There are a lot of churches out there that don't show Christ's love and don't teach about the true Gospel. Most of the time, church is just a place where people tell you what to do and not to do; it teaches of moralism or is so watered down and wishy-washy that there is no truth at all. It has not done its job in helping broken people and reaching out to those who need it most.
However, I have found a few churches who have welcomed me in, who teach the truth of the Gospel, and also share the love of Christ with everyone who comes in. Their aim is to actually teach the Bible, to grow in Godliness, and to reach out to broken people. By the way, EVERYONE is broken. We all need Jesus to change our lives.
That's another thing too: you've probably gone to church your whole life and have been taught what to do and what not to do. That is moralism. That is NOT Christianity. That is only changing what's on the outside. It does not change your heart. Everyone sins; everyone does/thinks/says something that breaks God's heart. We all go astray. We all deserve eternal punishment. None of us are good enough in our actions/thoughts/etc. to earn our way into heaven. We have all broken the first two of the 10 Commandments: we make other gods besides the true God and we make idols out of so many things: our friends, money, tv shows, our boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. God is so holy that He can't be in the presence of sin.
But, that's NOT the end of the story.
Christ radically changes your heart for the better. Having a relationship with Jesus is the greatest thing in the world! He WANTS you. He wants a relationship with you! He LOVES you! He provided a way for us to be able to be with God forever in heaven someday! How totally awesome is that?! I sure don't deserve that. None of us do. But He humbled himself and died on a cross, which by the way was the lowest possible way to die, to be saved from sin. He did that because He loves us!!! Oh, friend, if you don't have this very great and amazing relationship with Jesus, please come to Him. He is ALWAYS ready and waiting for you to come to Him!
To sum up: I am sorry. I am sorry for what you have experienced in church before that has driven you away. The true Gospel of Christ IS somewhat offensive, because it shows that we all sin and that we are not good people. [Yes, we are able to do good things, but we are not good enough to earn our way to heaven.] However, if you have been driven away because of how the people within the church have treated you, I am sincerely sorry. The church's job is to help you through whatever problem you have in your life and in whatever sin you are struggling with. Instead, we form Christian cliques and exclude people who are not like us. We're uncomfortable with the idea of sharing Christ with others. We fear what people think of us.
Christians don't necessarily have it all figured out. We have problems, too. We're not perfect in the least. And being a follower of Christ is NOT easy. At all. It's pretty freaking hard. But compared to what Jesus has done for us, what we have to go through in order to stand up for Him and become more like Him is like nothing.
I would love to talk with any of you on any of what I just rambled on about. Seriously! If you want to talk and have been hurt by the church before, have never been to church before, or have never even read the Bible yourself, PLEASE message me, call me, text, whatever it takes! We are supposed to help each other, to bear one another's burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 6:2).
I love you all very much. I am praying for each of you.
~Lauren
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Tornadoes and Idols
My family and I just got back from a small getaway to Branson this weekend, and we had a lot of fun. It's been a while since we've done something as a family, and it was nice to not have to worry about getting homework done or anything like that. I have just finished my sophomore year of college, and I now have only 3 semesters left at JBU. I am more than halfway finished! It's a freeing feeling, but also a scary one.
Speaking of scary, the first thing we did while we were in Branson was going to the IMAX theatre there. They had several different 45-min. shows; my dad had said he wanted to see the one they were showing on tornadoes. Being a big fan of tornado documentaries/shows/movies, I was very happy to go see it, as well. (Of course, no one else in the family objected to it either.)
The film was about this man whose goal in life at that time was to make a machine big enough to protect him from a tornado while trying to stay/look/film inside a tornado. We "followed" around the film crew as the storm chasers were doing their jobs and were trying to figure out why some storms made tornadoes and some didn't. By the end of the film, the man had succeeded in his dream of being inside a tornado and had filmed the footage. It was very cool and very scary.
My mom leaned over to me during the middle of the movie, and whispered, "I just keep thinking through this whole thing that God is saying, 'I am God and you are not.'" I nodded in agreement. Then that got me to thinking: God is so powerful. This is evidenced in His creation. Tornadoes are definitely a part of His creation. We tend to think of them as terrifying storms that bring about destruction. And they most definitely do. However, in themselves, they are so beautiful. Every time I see one on TV, I can't help but say, "Wow." They are so terrifying but yet they could only be created by the Almighty God. And to think that He is in control of these incredible storms!
This semester has been a really hard one for me. I had what you would call a "mid-college crisis." I constantly questioned whether I was in the right major. I was always asking myself, "What in the world am I going to do with music?!" (and sometimes I still do). I've stressed myself out so much with homework, that it became an excuse for me. It was a true excuse in the sense that I did have a ton to do all the time, but I began to use it even for myself. I would reason with myself, telling myself that I couldn't do any Bible reading tonight, because it was already too late; I needed my sleep and I had already worked so hard on my assignments for the evening. I'm going to be real with you guys; besides at church, I don't think I picked up my Bible once this semester. That definitely took its toll on me.
I started worrying about grades: I'm getting such low grades even though I feel like I'm working so hard at these classes . . . what if I don't keep my GPA at a certain level? Will I lose my scholarships? Where would I go to school? And lately, I've applied to about a bazillion different places for a summer job. I had one person call back for an interview, I felt like it went really well but I guess not; I didn't get it. What if I don't get a job at all?? Where am I going to get a source of income? So many worries . . . All because I had distanced myself from growing in the knowledge of my God and my Savior.
Don't get me wrong, just reading your Bible won't make your problems go away. But, they will decrease your problems, because you know that your God is bigger than anything you may face.
I started reading a book a few days ago called Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I am already halfway through the book, and I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone, male or female, young or old. It's about how we as Christians tend to brush over the first (and also second) of the ten commandments to not make any gods before God/worship any idols. That is because we tend to think of idols/gods as outside of the heart, when really, the problem of idolatry is inside our hearts. Anything that takes the place of God in our thoughts, actions, etc. that we think will bring us more happiness is idolatry. School has been that idol in my life; not in a radical way. I don't intentionally "worship" classes or homework. But I unintentionally look to it for my ultimate happiness: I think that better grades will make me look smarter, my professors will think more highly of me, my classmates will respect me, and maybe even have the possibility of a good job in the future. The fact that it's taken over most of my time, and that it has pushed out my time with the Lord has made it an idol in my life. And I need to reset my priorities.
You may think, "What does this have to do with tornadoes?" Well, if the God of the entire universe can not only create but control storms like tornadoes, and even bigger ones than those, can He not take care of me and provide for me? Can He not bring me more joy, peace, and contentment than anything in the world? A tough question. It's one that needs to constantly be asked of me. Do I truly believe it? If I did, then I wouldn't be looking to schoolwork, or anything or anyone else for satisfaction. But yet, that's what I've been doing this whole semester.
Ouch.
Ahh, but there is good news for me yet! Christ came so that I could bury those idols at the cross. He paid for my sins, even when I constantly look to other things for satisfaction and happiness, however temporary it may be. All I can respond with is in thankfulness and repentance. This is my prayer:
Woe to me, I am unclean,
A sinner found in Your presence . . .
Ruin my life, the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
Til it's You alone I live for.
-- "Ruin Me" by Jeff Johnson
Speaking of scary, the first thing we did while we were in Branson was going to the IMAX theatre there. They had several different 45-min. shows; my dad had said he wanted to see the one they were showing on tornadoes. Being a big fan of tornado documentaries/shows/movies, I was very happy to go see it, as well. (Of course, no one else in the family objected to it either.)
The film was about this man whose goal in life at that time was to make a machine big enough to protect him from a tornado while trying to stay/look/film inside a tornado. We "followed" around the film crew as the storm chasers were doing their jobs and were trying to figure out why some storms made tornadoes and some didn't. By the end of the film, the man had succeeded in his dream of being inside a tornado and had filmed the footage. It was very cool and very scary.
My mom leaned over to me during the middle of the movie, and whispered, "I just keep thinking through this whole thing that God is saying, 'I am God and you are not.'" I nodded in agreement. Then that got me to thinking: God is so powerful. This is evidenced in His creation. Tornadoes are definitely a part of His creation. We tend to think of them as terrifying storms that bring about destruction. And they most definitely do. However, in themselves, they are so beautiful. Every time I see one on TV, I can't help but say, "Wow." They are so terrifying but yet they could only be created by the Almighty God. And to think that He is in control of these incredible storms!
This semester has been a really hard one for me. I had what you would call a "mid-college crisis." I constantly questioned whether I was in the right major. I was always asking myself, "What in the world am I going to do with music?!" (and sometimes I still do). I've stressed myself out so much with homework, that it became an excuse for me. It was a true excuse in the sense that I did have a ton to do all the time, but I began to use it even for myself. I would reason with myself, telling myself that I couldn't do any Bible reading tonight, because it was already too late; I needed my sleep and I had already worked so hard on my assignments for the evening. I'm going to be real with you guys; besides at church, I don't think I picked up my Bible once this semester. That definitely took its toll on me.
I started worrying about grades: I'm getting such low grades even though I feel like I'm working so hard at these classes . . . what if I don't keep my GPA at a certain level? Will I lose my scholarships? Where would I go to school? And lately, I've applied to about a bazillion different places for a summer job. I had one person call back for an interview, I felt like it went really well but I guess not; I didn't get it. What if I don't get a job at all?? Where am I going to get a source of income? So many worries . . . All because I had distanced myself from growing in the knowledge of my God and my Savior.
Don't get me wrong, just reading your Bible won't make your problems go away. But, they will decrease your problems, because you know that your God is bigger than anything you may face.
I started reading a book a few days ago called Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I am already halfway through the book, and I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone, male or female, young or old. It's about how we as Christians tend to brush over the first (and also second) of the ten commandments to not make any gods before God/worship any idols. That is because we tend to think of idols/gods as outside of the heart, when really, the problem of idolatry is inside our hearts. Anything that takes the place of God in our thoughts, actions, etc. that we think will bring us more happiness is idolatry. School has been that idol in my life; not in a radical way. I don't intentionally "worship" classes or homework. But I unintentionally look to it for my ultimate happiness: I think that better grades will make me look smarter, my professors will think more highly of me, my classmates will respect me, and maybe even have the possibility of a good job in the future. The fact that it's taken over most of my time, and that it has pushed out my time with the Lord has made it an idol in my life. And I need to reset my priorities.
You may think, "What does this have to do with tornadoes?" Well, if the God of the entire universe can not only create but control storms like tornadoes, and even bigger ones than those, can He not take care of me and provide for me? Can He not bring me more joy, peace, and contentment than anything in the world? A tough question. It's one that needs to constantly be asked of me. Do I truly believe it? If I did, then I wouldn't be looking to schoolwork, or anything or anyone else for satisfaction. But yet, that's what I've been doing this whole semester.
Ouch.
Ahh, but there is good news for me yet! Christ came so that I could bury those idols at the cross. He paid for my sins, even when I constantly look to other things for satisfaction and happiness, however temporary it may be. All I can respond with is in thankfulness and repentance. This is my prayer:
Woe to me, I am unclean,
A sinner found in Your presence . . .
Ruin my life, the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
Til it's You alone I live for.
-- "Ruin Me" by Jeff Johnson
Thursday, March 21, 2013
An Awful Christian?
Have you ever felt like an awful Christian?
There have been quite a few times recently that I've felt that way. For instance, I have been comparing my life to a few of my friends'. (Why do I keep doing this to myself??! The world may never know.) I see friends that are doing awesome things for Christ: going to different countries for whole semesters/during the summer visiting orphans, working at summer camps as a counselor witnessing to young people, running marathons to raise money for kids in third world countries, fasting for awareness of an issue in another third world country... I could go on. I have so many friends that are doing awesome things for the name of Christ. And I'm not. At least not in those ways.
Since when did being a Christian become a competition?
There's something in me that tells me I'm an awful Christian often. "How can you call yourself a Christian? You've never even been out of the country! You're so lazy. What important things have you done? Nothing."
I know none of these things are true. Why, then, do I believe these lies a lot of the time? Maybe it's because I feel like I have to prove myself worthy to God or to my peers. Or maybe it's just to look good in front of others. If either of those are the case, why aren't my motives genuine? Shouldn't they be if I am a real follower of Christ?
I know I'm not called to go outside of the country. Is that bad? The Great Commission tells us we should go to all nations to preach the Gospel and make disciples, but surely our own country isn't one of those places. Or is it?
I know I feel called to stay within the United States. Not to say that I would never go outside the U.S. to go on a missions trip; I would definitely be open to it if that's something God wants me to do. However, as of now, I feel that my calling is for where I currently live. I am called to John Brown University to major in music. My ministry is the people that I see every day, and the new people I have yet to meet. My ministry is also to the music I make and share with others. That's it. Nothing extraordinary.
"But I'm still not doing anything great," my thought process continues. It's true that I am not currently doing nor have ever done any of the above things. It's not that I don't care about people; I genuinely do. I admit that I am not an activist. I am not a missionary to another country. I haven't been and won't be a camp counselor. I am not a marathon runner. I have my own talents and gifts that God has blessed me with, and I plan to use those to minister to others. I don't claim to be a "great Christian." All I want to be is an obedient servant of my King. At least I want to want it; sometimes I lack it because I want to do something incredible for His kingdom! But then, wouldn't that be glorifying myself rather than God?
Besides, if we were all the same, we wouldn't be His living and active body, now would we? We'd all be an eyeball or a foot.
Now, if I could just tell that to myself over and over, maybe I can get it into my thick head.
There have been quite a few times recently that I've felt that way. For instance, I have been comparing my life to a few of my friends'. (Why do I keep doing this to myself??! The world may never know.) I see friends that are doing awesome things for Christ: going to different countries for whole semesters/during the summer visiting orphans, working at summer camps as a counselor witnessing to young people, running marathons to raise money for kids in third world countries, fasting for awareness of an issue in another third world country... I could go on. I have so many friends that are doing awesome things for the name of Christ. And I'm not. At least not in those ways.
Since when did being a Christian become a competition?
There's something in me that tells me I'm an awful Christian often. "How can you call yourself a Christian? You've never even been out of the country! You're so lazy. What important things have you done? Nothing."
I know none of these things are true. Why, then, do I believe these lies a lot of the time? Maybe it's because I feel like I have to prove myself worthy to God or to my peers. Or maybe it's just to look good in front of others. If either of those are the case, why aren't my motives genuine? Shouldn't they be if I am a real follower of Christ?
I know I'm not called to go outside of the country. Is that bad? The Great Commission tells us we should go to all nations to preach the Gospel and make disciples, but surely our own country isn't one of those places. Or is it?
I know I feel called to stay within the United States. Not to say that I would never go outside the U.S. to go on a missions trip; I would definitely be open to it if that's something God wants me to do. However, as of now, I feel that my calling is for where I currently live. I am called to John Brown University to major in music. My ministry is the people that I see every day, and the new people I have yet to meet. My ministry is also to the music I make and share with others. That's it. Nothing extraordinary.
"But I'm still not doing anything great," my thought process continues. It's true that I am not currently doing nor have ever done any of the above things. It's not that I don't care about people; I genuinely do. I admit that I am not an activist. I am not a missionary to another country. I haven't been and won't be a camp counselor. I am not a marathon runner. I have my own talents and gifts that God has blessed me with, and I plan to use those to minister to others. I don't claim to be a "great Christian." All I want to be is an obedient servant of my King. At least I want to want it; sometimes I lack it because I want to do something incredible for His kingdom! But then, wouldn't that be glorifying myself rather than God?
Besides, if we were all the same, we wouldn't be His living and active body, now would we? We'd all be an eyeball or a foot.
Now, if I could just tell that to myself over and over, maybe I can get it into my thick head.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Short and sweet
It's finally spring break, and I almost didn't know what to do with myself at the first few moments of sweet freedom. I was so used to doing homework in whatever free time I had that I felt like I had to do something. I had to tell myself that I was on break, I didn't need to do any homework just then. Isn't that sad though, how much school has taken over my life?
But it's so true; school HAS taken over my whole life. I constantly feel like I have no time for friends, or at least very little. I do manage to get some quality time with Matt during the weekends, but even then, part of that time is spent doing homework together. Not a bad thing at all, but that just shows you.
Last year, I don't remember ever being this swamped. I at least had moderately good grades and yet I still had a lot of time to spend with friends and family. I was able to spend good time in the Word, too. This year, especially this semester, this has not been the case. I constantly feel like I need to be doing homework all the time; it's become my biggest excuse. Which is a legitimate excuse, but it's become my excuse for so many things, even just taking care of myself (cleaning my room, doing laundry, getting enough sleep, etc.) This has even become my excuse for not reading my Bible . . . How did it come to this?
I think this is a new tactic that Satan has been using to distract me. School has never been an issue for me in spending time with the Lord. Not before this year. This semester started off really stress-filled; from the start, I have felt fear in going to school and doing homework: will I fail these classes? Will I lose my scholarships? Will I have to go an extra semester than what I had planned? These always seemed to be the looming questions in the back of my mind, popping up at the times when I'm especially stressed.
I have come to realize that once again, I was trying to do everything myself and pushing God away from helping me. When will I learn that that is never going to work?!
Hopefully during spring break, I can get back on track with schoolwork. I also hope to catch up with family, spending good time with them and enjoying a break from stress and work. Most importantly, I hope to get back on track with getting into the Word every day and daily commit my life to Him. Praise God that I can always come back to Him when I've strayed from the path, running to His open, waiting arms!
But it's so true; school HAS taken over my whole life. I constantly feel like I have no time for friends, or at least very little. I do manage to get some quality time with Matt during the weekends, but even then, part of that time is spent doing homework together. Not a bad thing at all, but that just shows you.
Last year, I don't remember ever being this swamped. I at least had moderately good grades and yet I still had a lot of time to spend with friends and family. I was able to spend good time in the Word, too. This year, especially this semester, this has not been the case. I constantly feel like I need to be doing homework all the time; it's become my biggest excuse. Which is a legitimate excuse, but it's become my excuse for so many things, even just taking care of myself (cleaning my room, doing laundry, getting enough sleep, etc.) This has even become my excuse for not reading my Bible . . . How did it come to this?
I think this is a new tactic that Satan has been using to distract me. School has never been an issue for me in spending time with the Lord. Not before this year. This semester started off really stress-filled; from the start, I have felt fear in going to school and doing homework: will I fail these classes? Will I lose my scholarships? Will I have to go an extra semester than what I had planned? These always seemed to be the looming questions in the back of my mind, popping up at the times when I'm especially stressed.
I have come to realize that once again, I was trying to do everything myself and pushing God away from helping me. When will I learn that that is never going to work?!
Hopefully during spring break, I can get back on track with schoolwork. I also hope to catch up with family, spending good time with them and enjoying a break from stress and work. Most importantly, I hope to get back on track with getting into the Word every day and daily commit my life to Him. Praise God that I can always come back to Him when I've strayed from the path, running to His open, waiting arms!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
NATS and Pits
It's been like a month and a half since I last blogged on here... Life has been so crazy! This semester is whizzing by. Which can be a good thing and a bad thing. I need to remember to sit back and enjoy the time that God has given me to live.
So... NATS. Oh my word. What an experience. Working hard up until we had to leave was challenging time-wise because I wasn't used to practicing as much as I was every day. The excitement of going grew with each day fast approaching . . . I had gotten sick a few weeks before and had not gotten well by the time we left, so that was hard on me physically and emotionally.
We left the BPAC around 5 pm on Thursday afternoon/evening. It took a little longer getting there than what we thought, because of traffic, and we also had to pick up Mrs. Rollene from her house. We got to the hotel around 10 pm and unloaded our stuff. Gabby, Ashley, and I roomed together, and we all had a good night's rest that night.
The next morning was really chill for the girls; we took our time getting ready and we even had time to do homework in the hotel lobby. We grabbed lunch and then headed to Ouachita Baptist. We went with Mrs. Funk, our accompanist, to our assigned practice room to warm up and practice each of our pieces. Luckily for us, the three of us assigned back to back in when we were to perform. I remember getting to the room where we were supposed to sing before the judges about 10 minutes early, and the guy standing outside the door said that they were going through people really fast, and that they were ready for me whenever I wanted to go in. I took in a deep breath and walked in. The judges were other voice teachers from different schools. I sang my German piece and one of the judges chose my more favored English piece. I felt like I did pretty well; obviously it wasn't a stellar performance and I didn't think I was going to make it past preliminaries, but hey, there were no major flubs, and I was proud of myself! Gabby and Ashley did very well, too.
Afterwards, we stayed until everyone had finished singing and went to go get dinner. There was a recital that we had to go to afterwards, and then when that was over, we would find out who made it to the next round.
I remember looking at the postings for the sophomore female group. I scanned over the numbers, and I didn't see mine. Mrs. Rollene came up to me and gave me a sympathetic hug. I told her I was fine with it, and I truly was . . . That is, until I asked everyone else if they made it. Everyone else from the JBU crew had made it to semi-finals. I was the only one that didn't. The disappointment in my heart grew more and more as I heard a voice in my head chastising myself for how I let Mrs. Rollene (and everyone else) down. You're not good enough to be here . . . Why are you here, then? You worked so hard and you STILL couldn't make it.
Walking to the van, the tears started falling, and I felt even more angry at myself. Why was I so upset about this? I didn't have many high hopes for myself. I'm not a strong singer. Then why did I feel this way?
Everyone knew how I was feeling. I got a few hugs and sympathetic looks. Jokes were cracked on the ride back to the hotel, and I laughed, feeling a little better.
The girls walked up to the room, and the negative thoughts came back. Gabby and Ashley, bless their hearts. They asked me if I was okay, and I lost it again. I was already humbled that day, and I was being humbled again by having them see me in a mess like this. I explained to them that I had been struggling with a lot of hard things the past few weeks: depression for friends that were hurting, sickness for over 2 weeks and that I wasn't getting any better, feeling like I was failing a class, that I hadn't felt like a good friend to my friends, and now this. I was in this pit that I couldn't dig myself out of. They hugged me again and asked if I needed anything. I said no, and then they left me to go get some tea or coffee. After I talked with my mom on the phone, Mrs. Rollene came to the room and she sat down on the bed across from me to go over the judges' comments. We read through them, and it turns out that the main things they had pointed out were things that I had been working on and are currently working on in lessons. Mrs. Rollene then gave me her own comments . . . They didn't know me, they don't know how much I've grown. I've grown a lot! Then she said, "Now this is a pivotal moment. You can either decide to give up trying, or continue and let this be a reason to keep growing. I think you should keep trying; you've come a long way, Lauren." I knew she was right, and she gave me a hug and left.
I was left alone with my thoughts for a little bit. I realized in that room that I had been trying to carry my own burdens for a long time. I needed to give them all up to God; I needed His help. Somewhat unknowingly, I had shoved him out of my life thinking I could handle whatever came my way. I was reassured that I was here at this place and time for a reason. EVERYTHING that goes on in my life is for a reason. I can let them define who I am and let these things sink me lower, or I can rise up with God's help and let them make me grow stronger in all these different areas of my life. I went to sleep that night with a peace I hadn't felt in a long time.
We all had to get up early the next morning, to check out of the hotel and be at Ouachita by 8:30. I decided to be everyone's cheerleader. :) After a masterclass watching others being critiqued in their singing, we found out who made it to the finals. Two of our guys made it! I was so very (and genuinely) happy for the both of them. After getting lunch, we sat through the finals for 3.5 hours . . . A very long time to sit and watch people sing. Daniel tied for 2nd in the Freshmen men's category, and Charles came in first in his category (although he was the only one in that category, he did so well!!) Both of them were awesome!
Finally, we headed home; it was over. It was such a short time while we were there, but it felt like an eternity. I got to know people better, better than what I would've at school. We all got close. I would like to go back and do it again next year; we'll see what happens!
A lot of lessons learned in the past week . . . But now, I shall move on towards other things. Next Big Thing, for one. SO excited! Every practice I have with my band, I get even more pumped. It's fast approaching - only a little over a month away! I am so grateful for these guys for putting up with me and for being honest during practices and giving awesome suggestions for making the songs even better. I think I could say that a thousand times and it still wouldn't feel like I've thanked them enough. I can't wait to see where this goes and what else I am going to learn from this experience!
So... NATS. Oh my word. What an experience. Working hard up until we had to leave was challenging time-wise because I wasn't used to practicing as much as I was every day. The excitement of going grew with each day fast approaching . . . I had gotten sick a few weeks before and had not gotten well by the time we left, so that was hard on me physically and emotionally.
We left the BPAC around 5 pm on Thursday afternoon/evening. It took a little longer getting there than what we thought, because of traffic, and we also had to pick up Mrs. Rollene from her house. We got to the hotel around 10 pm and unloaded our stuff. Gabby, Ashley, and I roomed together, and we all had a good night's rest that night.
The next morning was really chill for the girls; we took our time getting ready and we even had time to do homework in the hotel lobby. We grabbed lunch and then headed to Ouachita Baptist. We went with Mrs. Funk, our accompanist, to our assigned practice room to warm up and practice each of our pieces. Luckily for us, the three of us assigned back to back in when we were to perform. I remember getting to the room where we were supposed to sing before the judges about 10 minutes early, and the guy standing outside the door said that they were going through people really fast, and that they were ready for me whenever I wanted to go in. I took in a deep breath and walked in. The judges were other voice teachers from different schools. I sang my German piece and one of the judges chose my more favored English piece. I felt like I did pretty well; obviously it wasn't a stellar performance and I didn't think I was going to make it past preliminaries, but hey, there were no major flubs, and I was proud of myself! Gabby and Ashley did very well, too.
Afterwards, we stayed until everyone had finished singing and went to go get dinner. There was a recital that we had to go to afterwards, and then when that was over, we would find out who made it to the next round.
I remember looking at the postings for the sophomore female group. I scanned over the numbers, and I didn't see mine. Mrs. Rollene came up to me and gave me a sympathetic hug. I told her I was fine with it, and I truly was . . . That is, until I asked everyone else if they made it. Everyone else from the JBU crew had made it to semi-finals. I was the only one that didn't. The disappointment in my heart grew more and more as I heard a voice in my head chastising myself for how I let Mrs. Rollene (and everyone else) down. You're not good enough to be here . . . Why are you here, then? You worked so hard and you STILL couldn't make it.
Walking to the van, the tears started falling, and I felt even more angry at myself. Why was I so upset about this? I didn't have many high hopes for myself. I'm not a strong singer. Then why did I feel this way?
Everyone knew how I was feeling. I got a few hugs and sympathetic looks. Jokes were cracked on the ride back to the hotel, and I laughed, feeling a little better.
The girls walked up to the room, and the negative thoughts came back. Gabby and Ashley, bless their hearts. They asked me if I was okay, and I lost it again. I was already humbled that day, and I was being humbled again by having them see me in a mess like this. I explained to them that I had been struggling with a lot of hard things the past few weeks: depression for friends that were hurting, sickness for over 2 weeks and that I wasn't getting any better, feeling like I was failing a class, that I hadn't felt like a good friend to my friends, and now this. I was in this pit that I couldn't dig myself out of. They hugged me again and asked if I needed anything. I said no, and then they left me to go get some tea or coffee. After I talked with my mom on the phone, Mrs. Rollene came to the room and she sat down on the bed across from me to go over the judges' comments. We read through them, and it turns out that the main things they had pointed out were things that I had been working on and are currently working on in lessons. Mrs. Rollene then gave me her own comments . . . They didn't know me, they don't know how much I've grown. I've grown a lot! Then she said, "Now this is a pivotal moment. You can either decide to give up trying, or continue and let this be a reason to keep growing. I think you should keep trying; you've come a long way, Lauren." I knew she was right, and she gave me a hug and left.
I was left alone with my thoughts for a little bit. I realized in that room that I had been trying to carry my own burdens for a long time. I needed to give them all up to God; I needed His help. Somewhat unknowingly, I had shoved him out of my life thinking I could handle whatever came my way. I was reassured that I was here at this place and time for a reason. EVERYTHING that goes on in my life is for a reason. I can let them define who I am and let these things sink me lower, or I can rise up with God's help and let them make me grow stronger in all these different areas of my life. I went to sleep that night with a peace I hadn't felt in a long time.
We all had to get up early the next morning, to check out of the hotel and be at Ouachita by 8:30. I decided to be everyone's cheerleader. :) After a masterclass watching others being critiqued in their singing, we found out who made it to the finals. Two of our guys made it! I was so very (and genuinely) happy for the both of them. After getting lunch, we sat through the finals for 3.5 hours . . . A very long time to sit and watch people sing. Daniel tied for 2nd in the Freshmen men's category, and Charles came in first in his category (although he was the only one in that category, he did so well!!) Both of them were awesome!
Finally, we headed home; it was over. It was such a short time while we were there, but it felt like an eternity. I got to know people better, better than what I would've at school. We all got close. I would like to go back and do it again next year; we'll see what happens!
A lot of lessons learned in the past week . . . But now, I shall move on towards other things. Next Big Thing, for one. SO excited! Every practice I have with my band, I get even more pumped. It's fast approaching - only a little over a month away! I am so grateful for these guys for putting up with me and for being honest during practices and giving awesome suggestions for making the songs even better. I think I could say that a thousand times and it still wouldn't feel like I've thanked them enough. I can't wait to see where this goes and what else I am going to learn from this experience!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
A new Gospel?
This has been on my mind a lot lately, maybe because it's popped up so much in my life in the past few months.
There have been many conferences like Passion that have happened recently. Several of Passion's main goals from what I've heard was to challenge our faith and act it out, and to stop sex trafficking in the world.
On Tuesday in chapel, James Choung challenged us to live out our faith and make our Christianity more than just a way to get to heaven. In evangelizing, he came up with the "big story," which was a drawing/diagram of what he said was the Gospel. Obviously there is so much more he could've added to this drawing, but he said that it is only a drawing and serves to help with discussion. Here you can watch it for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCVcSiUUMhY
These are both very great intentions and good things that we SHOULD be doing as followers of Christ.
James Choung also talked about how two generations before us asked the question of: "What is true?" They were mostly concerned with truth and how to convince others that Christianity was true. The generation after that asked the question: "What is real?" This was the hippie age where everyone was so skeptical about there being any truth or there being any reality. Our current generation asks the question: "What is good?" We are mainly concerned with doing good in the world, regardless of whether we're Christian or not. That's where my main concern lies.
So many of my Christian friends post and talk about how they are excited to go on missions trips and going to help these third world countries. We are definitely called to do good in the world and to be lights in the world in that respect. I am worried that we have lost sight of the true Gospel: that we fell into sin by Adam, that we are all born sinners, that God came down to earth in the form of a man (Jesus), that he was sinless and perfect, and because of that, He was our perfect sacrifice; He died on a cross to save us from the sin that we were born into. We cannot do anything to be saved; we are helpless and lost without Christ. After He died, He then rose from the dead and is alive and sitting at the right hand of God, waiting to come back again. We will be judged by God according to our actions and our hearts.
If we're only doing good, how are we any different from the rest of the world? One of the Islamic pillars is to give alms. Most other religions promote doing good/being good. If we don't tell others the true Gospel, in the deepest love, everything we do is meaningless. We can do good in the world, but will this world last forever? No, of course not. I think a lot of us forget, especially me, that none of us can change people. That is God's job. This is a hard thing for me to accept because I want to be the one to bring people to Christ and to experience this amazing relationship I have with Him!
We are only called to obey Him. We must go and do good, but just WHO is it we are doing good for? Is it for ourselves so that we can feel better about our lives? Or is it the obedience of God's call to go and make disciples of all nations, sharing the true Gospel with the lost?
I fervently pray that this go-and-do-good craze is not something that becomes the new false gospel (like the prosperity gospel). I hope and pray that we as believers and followers of Christ would go out and do good, but to also bring to the lost this beautiful Gospel of the Bible that Jesus cried out to the crowds in the beginning of Mark (1:15): "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel."
I hope that you are encouraged by these things I write about!
There have been many conferences like Passion that have happened recently. Several of Passion's main goals from what I've heard was to challenge our faith and act it out, and to stop sex trafficking in the world.
On Tuesday in chapel, James Choung challenged us to live out our faith and make our Christianity more than just a way to get to heaven. In evangelizing, he came up with the "big story," which was a drawing/diagram of what he said was the Gospel. Obviously there is so much more he could've added to this drawing, but he said that it is only a drawing and serves to help with discussion. Here you can watch it for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCVcSiUUMhY
These are both very great intentions and good things that we SHOULD be doing as followers of Christ.
James Choung also talked about how two generations before us asked the question of: "What is true?" They were mostly concerned with truth and how to convince others that Christianity was true. The generation after that asked the question: "What is real?" This was the hippie age where everyone was so skeptical about there being any truth or there being any reality. Our current generation asks the question: "What is good?" We are mainly concerned with doing good in the world, regardless of whether we're Christian or not. That's where my main concern lies.
So many of my Christian friends post and talk about how they are excited to go on missions trips and going to help these third world countries. We are definitely called to do good in the world and to be lights in the world in that respect. I am worried that we have lost sight of the true Gospel: that we fell into sin by Adam, that we are all born sinners, that God came down to earth in the form of a man (Jesus), that he was sinless and perfect, and because of that, He was our perfect sacrifice; He died on a cross to save us from the sin that we were born into. We cannot do anything to be saved; we are helpless and lost without Christ. After He died, He then rose from the dead and is alive and sitting at the right hand of God, waiting to come back again. We will be judged by God according to our actions and our hearts.
If we're only doing good, how are we any different from the rest of the world? One of the Islamic pillars is to give alms. Most other religions promote doing good/being good. If we don't tell others the true Gospel, in the deepest love, everything we do is meaningless. We can do good in the world, but will this world last forever? No, of course not. I think a lot of us forget, especially me, that none of us can change people. That is God's job. This is a hard thing for me to accept because I want to be the one to bring people to Christ and to experience this amazing relationship I have with Him!
We are only called to obey Him. We must go and do good, but just WHO is it we are doing good for? Is it for ourselves so that we can feel better about our lives? Or is it the obedience of God's call to go and make disciples of all nations, sharing the true Gospel with the lost?
I fervently pray that this go-and-do-good craze is not something that becomes the new false gospel (like the prosperity gospel). I hope and pray that we as believers and followers of Christ would go out and do good, but to also bring to the lost this beautiful Gospel of the Bible that Jesus cried out to the crowds in the beginning of Mark (1:15): "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel."
I hope that you are encouraged by these things I write about!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Who Am I? --WARNING: HAS SOME SPOILERS--
Les Miserables was a movie that I had wanted to see for months - Matt agreed to take me, and we decided that tonight was as good as any to go see it. I had seen SO many Facebook posts about how people cried while watching this movie, and I thought to myself, "Oh, I probably won't cry, and I won't make a big deal out of the movie." Well, guess what... I teared up, and I geeked out with my friends over video chat afterwards.
I think what makes this movie (and the story in general) so popular and so well-loved by many is that it doesn't guarantee a happy ending, it's more realistic, and many elements of it were incredibly relatable. I think what makes it such a great movie altogether was the fact that I saw a number of things that related to my own walk with Christ.
First of all, Jean Valjean (main character) was convicted of a crime and served 19 years in slavery/imprisonment for it. We are all slaves to sin, from the moment we are born. Even though Jean Valjean became a free man after he served his time, he wasn't really free. He had to carry a piece of paper that told others what he had done and who he was. It was his mark of shame. That's like sin in our lives - even though we can try to free ourselves from the bondage of sin, we can't. There is nothing we could do to ever get rid of it ourselves. It is the mark of a human being.
Jean Valjean then is saved by a kind and merciful priest who brought him into his dwelling and provided him with food and drink. Even though Jean Valjean tried to steal from him and was brought back to him by soldiers, the priest was still kind to him and freed him from the soldiers' hands (and the possibility of having to go back into slavery). That is like God with us - He is a loving, merciful God who, even when we fail Him and sin against Him, for those who are His, we are not only pardoned, but continually being loved no less than if we hadn't sinned against Him. However, also like the priest to Jean Valjean, God challenges us to go out into the world and be lights for the Kingdom in a very dark, hopeless world. Jean Valjean then becomes convicted of what he has done and vows to bring justice and mercy to the world and start over - "Jean Valjean is no more!" He puts his past behind him, and starts over.
Years down the road, Valjean becomes mayor of a town in France (don't remember exactly where) and owns his own factory, all under another identity and name. He treats all of the people who work for him and everyone else with decency, respect, gentleness, and mercy. He rescues a man from an accident, and a woman named Fantine from the life of prostitution, then vows to raise her little daughter. He is the model of how a true believer of Christ ought to act. Micah 6:8 says, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Valjean was always merciful and just, even to Javert who never paid him any kindness: the hardest to love and be merciful to. He was humble in his acts of mercy and kindness; he never boasted about anything he did.
Going back to Fantine, she is another example of one enslaved by sin, but in another way. She chose the lifestyle she lived, but after a point, she felt trapped and couldn't escape it. She couldn't escape it on her own; she needed help. Jean Valjean rescued her and got her to a hospital to be cared for, only for her to die soon after. However, she was free from the life she had lived, and the little bit of life she lived after he rescued her, was changed because of his kindness. Our mercy and kindness to others can change their lives and can be such a light to them, too, if we humble ourselves enough to help them.
When Javert told the mayor (Valjean) about him catching who he thought was Jean Valjean, Valjean debated with himself whether to confess and let the other man go free. He could confess and be condemned, or stay silent and be damned. He comes to the realization that he couldn't hide his real identity and his past forever and that he couldn't let an innocent man be condemned and live the life that he lived. His faith in God gave him the strength to be truthful even when it was incredibly hard to be so.
Javert is another character I want to dig into. I think I had the most sympathy for him, more than anyone else in the movie. I know it's weird, but I'll explain why. You'll notice that he is always doing what is right in his own eyes. Every villain does, if you think about it. Javert claimed to be a follower of God, too, but not a real one: he thought he was more righteous than most others, by carrying out the law. He was just, but he was not merciful or humble. He always looked down on others for their crimes, their past, or their living conditions. If they have brought themselves to this life that they are currently living, then they have fallen from grace altogether and don't deserve mercy; the law is more important. I sympathize most with him, because he fell for the lie of legalism, and I fell into that trap years ago myself. Following the rules was more important than anything else. Not much love and compassion for others. Thank God I have been redeemed and saved by grace, and my life has hope . . . unlike Javert's fate.
So . . . "Who am I?" I ask myself like Valjean does in the story. I am Jean Valjean in the sense that I am a follower of Christ with a past, that has been saved by grace through faith, trying to live a life of obedience to God. I am Fantine, because I chose the lifestyle that I lived, and I couldn't get myself out of it, but God had mercy on me and pulled me out of it, changing my life forever. I am Javert, because even though I no longer live a life of legalism, I still have tendencies every now and then and still am in need of grace even though my pride is very large.
I am a simple human being, a believer, a continually humbled woman. Lord, let me live a life of justice, mercy, and humility. Never let me forget the beauty of His free gift of salvation, by grace and through faith alone.
I think what makes this movie (and the story in general) so popular and so well-loved by many is that it doesn't guarantee a happy ending, it's more realistic, and many elements of it were incredibly relatable. I think what makes it such a great movie altogether was the fact that I saw a number of things that related to my own walk with Christ.
First of all, Jean Valjean (main character) was convicted of a crime and served 19 years in slavery/imprisonment for it. We are all slaves to sin, from the moment we are born. Even though Jean Valjean became a free man after he served his time, he wasn't really free. He had to carry a piece of paper that told others what he had done and who he was. It was his mark of shame. That's like sin in our lives - even though we can try to free ourselves from the bondage of sin, we can't. There is nothing we could do to ever get rid of it ourselves. It is the mark of a human being.
Jean Valjean then is saved by a kind and merciful priest who brought him into his dwelling and provided him with food and drink. Even though Jean Valjean tried to steal from him and was brought back to him by soldiers, the priest was still kind to him and freed him from the soldiers' hands (and the possibility of having to go back into slavery). That is like God with us - He is a loving, merciful God who, even when we fail Him and sin against Him, for those who are His, we are not only pardoned, but continually being loved no less than if we hadn't sinned against Him. However, also like the priest to Jean Valjean, God challenges us to go out into the world and be lights for the Kingdom in a very dark, hopeless world. Jean Valjean then becomes convicted of what he has done and vows to bring justice and mercy to the world and start over - "Jean Valjean is no more!" He puts his past behind him, and starts over.
Years down the road, Valjean becomes mayor of a town in France (don't remember exactly where) and owns his own factory, all under another identity and name. He treats all of the people who work for him and everyone else with decency, respect, gentleness, and mercy. He rescues a man from an accident, and a woman named Fantine from the life of prostitution, then vows to raise her little daughter. He is the model of how a true believer of Christ ought to act. Micah 6:8 says, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Valjean was always merciful and just, even to Javert who never paid him any kindness: the hardest to love and be merciful to. He was humble in his acts of mercy and kindness; he never boasted about anything he did.
Going back to Fantine, she is another example of one enslaved by sin, but in another way. She chose the lifestyle she lived, but after a point, she felt trapped and couldn't escape it. She couldn't escape it on her own; she needed help. Jean Valjean rescued her and got her to a hospital to be cared for, only for her to die soon after. However, she was free from the life she had lived, and the little bit of life she lived after he rescued her, was changed because of his kindness. Our mercy and kindness to others can change their lives and can be such a light to them, too, if we humble ourselves enough to help them.
When Javert told the mayor (Valjean) about him catching who he thought was Jean Valjean, Valjean debated with himself whether to confess and let the other man go free. He could confess and be condemned, or stay silent and be damned. He comes to the realization that he couldn't hide his real identity and his past forever and that he couldn't let an innocent man be condemned and live the life that he lived. His faith in God gave him the strength to be truthful even when it was incredibly hard to be so.
Javert is another character I want to dig into. I think I had the most sympathy for him, more than anyone else in the movie. I know it's weird, but I'll explain why. You'll notice that he is always doing what is right in his own eyes. Every villain does, if you think about it. Javert claimed to be a follower of God, too, but not a real one: he thought he was more righteous than most others, by carrying out the law. He was just, but he was not merciful or humble. He always looked down on others for their crimes, their past, or their living conditions. If they have brought themselves to this life that they are currently living, then they have fallen from grace altogether and don't deserve mercy; the law is more important. I sympathize most with him, because he fell for the lie of legalism, and I fell into that trap years ago myself. Following the rules was more important than anything else. Not much love and compassion for others. Thank God I have been redeemed and saved by grace, and my life has hope . . . unlike Javert's fate.
So . . . "Who am I?" I ask myself like Valjean does in the story. I am Jean Valjean in the sense that I am a follower of Christ with a past, that has been saved by grace through faith, trying to live a life of obedience to God. I am Fantine, because I chose the lifestyle that I lived, and I couldn't get myself out of it, but God had mercy on me and pulled me out of it, changing my life forever. I am Javert, because even though I no longer live a life of legalism, I still have tendencies every now and then and still am in need of grace even though my pride is very large.
I am a simple human being, a believer, a continually humbled woman. Lord, let me live a life of justice, mercy, and humility. Never let me forget the beauty of His free gift of salvation, by grace and through faith alone.
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