Burdens & Perseverance

I am not gonna lie: this semester has been TOUGH.

Don't get me wrong, all of my classes are good. I love each of them (some more than others). However, in some of them, I feel like no matter how much work I put into them, I just can't get the good grades that I need. Which frustrates me all the more, because I'm trying my best, and I'm still getting horrible grades. I am frantically trying to keep my head above water, but I sink below the surface many times, and I feel like I'm drowning. I am also very tired all of the time. There's not a day that goes by when I don't have someone comment about how exhausted I look. Most of this semester, I have (and currently feel) helpless.

It's been easier to deal with, though, because God has blessed me with the best friends to help carry me through it all. For one, they are always willing and open to listen to me rant about what's stressing me out, even though I know that they have PLENTY of homework to do. Most of the time, they don't even have to do anything special; they can just make a joke or quote a movie, and I laugh and forget about my stress for a few minutes.

I have now realized what's truly meant by Galatians 6:2, which says that we are to:

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

My friends are living this out by bearing my burdens with me. Not only are they willing to listen to me go on about my troubles, but they WANT to. They want to know what's going on in my life, and what's going on in my head and heart. They want to know how I am in my walk with Christ, how my classes are going, what I'm learning. They care about how stressed I am. They pray for me. Several friends have told me that I can always crash in their room if I needed to at some point, since I live off campus. Even if it costs them something, like time sacrificed to listen to me, etc, they are still willing to let that happen, just so they can help me "bear my burdens."

I have been thoroughly blessed. I hope I can be just as much of a blessing to others as they've been to me.

Now, another thing God is teaching me through this semester is perseverance. Typically you don't think of school or college as being a trial, but it can be, and this semester has been. Even though I'm getting these not-so-good grades when I'm trying so hard, God is whispering to me, "Lauren, I am in control. You never were. Hand the reins over to Me. Give this up. Give these grades up to Me. Have faith in me."

And what do I say in response?

"WHY?!" ... Yes, I dare to question Him. I question His sovereignty, His promises, everything about Him, when I ask why.

In our women's book study last night, we discussed giving up our relationships, friendships, etc. over to God to let Him work out what's best for our lives. One of the girls (I forget who exactly) told us how one of her friends had said that fear and worry undermine who God is and what He is able to accomplish.

When we put it into that kind of perspective, fear and worry are a pretty big deal.

It is not easy to let God take control of your life, especially when you realize that there is so much at risk. But if you already feel like your life is out of control, what better time to give it all up to God than now? You're already in this place, so you are in the perfect position to let go.

It's so hard for me because I am a bit of a control freak. I love having things planned out and having check-lists and such. They help me keep control. When I forget something entirely, I go nuts. It stresses me out. Already, I've forgotten about a voice lesson, and I was not prepared for the makeup lesson. When I am not in control, I feel like a failure.

This is also where God speaks to me, saying, "You are not perfect. Nobody is. Except my Son, and He DIED for your sins and mistakes. You can and NEED to rest in that. It is enough. Now ACT like it!"

God is still stretching me and molding me into the person that He wants me to be, to become more like Him. I just have to remember that as I climb this steep mountain that I call my second semester of college.