A Hiding Place for Lame Legs

I stayed home from church this morning, just because it's easier on me. (I think once I get a hard cast, I'll be able to do a few choice things like going to church.) I have this devotional book that I've been going through for the past few months: Mornings and Evenings with Spurgeon. Y'all, if you are in need of a devotional book, PLEASE get this one. This has uplifted me and encouraged me in so many ways already. The topics are deep, yet Spurgeon has this way of drawing you in with what he's saying. Every devo, no matter what the specific topic, is always encouraging and biblical.

This morning's verse/passage was focused on the story of Mephibosheth, King David's beloved friend, Jonathan's son. (If you aren't familiar with the story, I encourage you to read it; it's found in 2 Samuel 9:1-13.) Mephibosheth was lame in both feet, which is why it stuck out to me so much. I know that I probably have no right to compare myself, who broke one leg a few days ago, to a man lame in both feet from birth. However, if I feel so helpless not being able to get up and do things myself for a few weeks, how much more would Mephibosheth have felt his whole life? I can't even imagine having to not be able to walk for my whole life.

I imagine that he felt lonely. Worthless. Self-conscious. Not deserving of anything. What was he good for anyway? If he couldn't take care of himself, I can imagine that he would've felt like he was in the way a lot of the time. Maybe he even felt like he was a waste of time and energy.

The story begins with King David asking around if there was anyone left of Saul's family for his friend, Jonathan's sake. Even though Saul had tried to kill David multiple times, he still wanted to help his family, because Jonathan was Saul's son, and Jonathan had been his best friend. Anywho, he found a previous servant of Saul's, named Ziba. David asked him if there were any family members left of Saul/Jonathan. There was: Mephibosheth. Ziba emphasized that Mephibosheth was lame in both feet, probably warning David that he was a good-for-nothing, who couldn't help himself and would be more of a bother than anything else. Yet, David still called for Mephibosheth to come to his house. And he came. He fell on his face and paid homage to David.

David called to him, "Mephibosheth!" He responded with, "Behold, I am your servant." David told him that he would be kind to him for Jonathan's sake and that he would always be welcome to eat at his table, and that he would restore all of Saul's land to him. WOW. All that just because he was Jonathan's son?

He didn't even deserve it. He had done nothing to earn it back. Technically, since David was called by God to be king, it could've all belonged to him. But yet, he chose to restore everything to Mephibosheth, because he was Jonathan's son.

The next thing that happened in this passage moved me so much. It says that Mephibosheth paid homage to David again, saying, "What is your servant, that you would show regard for a dead dog such as I?" He was a humbled man; he knew he didn't deserve any of the grace and mercy that he was being shown. Yet, he was being treated like a son. Despite all of his infirmities, Mephibosheth was worth something in David's eyes.

This is a beautiful story. I had heard it growing up in Sunday school, but reading it today really spoke to me. I realized that this is a story that reflects who we are as believers. It shows me who I am. Like Mephibosheth, we have so many injuries and infirmities from the fall that we didn't deserve anything good. We're fallen. We're "good-for-nothings," unable to take care of ourselves. Unable to save ourselves. We are dead dogs.

However, God sees Christ in us (as David saw Jonathan's likeness in Mephibosheth), and He gives us grace and mercy. He restores us. He lets us sit and eat at His table. We are treated like sons. He sees VALUE in us. All because He sees Christ in us, if we have Him in our lives.

To close, I think Spurgeon put it well when he said in the devotional book, "A king's table is a noble hiding place for lame legs, and at the gospel feast we learn to glory in infirmities, because the power of Christ rests upon us." May I be thankful to sit and eat at my King's table, and may I rest in the fact that because Christ is in me, I am looked upon as a daughter of the King!

A Follow-Up On My Last Post

There have been even more things that have happened in the past few days because of the accident.

To start on this post and update you all, I will say that I have had almost no unbearable pain since going to the emergency room; thank God for that. I have had a lot of discomfort, though; I have not gotten a good night's sleep yet. I had to take a melatonin supplement to knock me out early this morning around 7 am because I hadn't slept a wink. I got a good 5 hours or so of sleep because of that, so I am thankful. I haven't been very sleepy during the afternoon/evening, probably because I've been laying around all day for several days. I have only had one episode of nausea from the vicodin I was taking, but after that we switched to Tylenol, and I've also added taking an aspirin every day. It's all worked out so far.

We got in to see the orthopedist yesterday. We waited for over an hour to get in a room, and another twenty minutes to actually see the doctor. He finally came in, and basically he was in there for about five minutes. He told us the good news first: no surgery, no plates in my leg or anything. I was very lucky . . . Oh, how many times I've heard that in the past few days . . . Then came the overwhelming bad news. First of all, not only would it take 6-8 weeks for me to wear a cast, but I would also have to go through another 6-8 weeks doing physical therapy on my leg. Because of that, he then told me that I wouldn't be able to work at my new job (where I had literally only worked ONE day). That was a hard blow. But I thought, "Hey, I can deal with that." THEN, he told me that I couldn't take any of my summer classes that I was planning on taking, even though I had crutches. That crushed me . . . It took everything within me to not cry right there in that room.

While my mom and Lindsey stood to check me out and make another appointment for the next week, my dad and I went out to my mom's van. Then, I just lost it. I couldn't stop crying for a long time. "It's all my fault, what am I going to do?" I knew God was and is sovereign, but in my human mind, I did question, "How is He going to fix this? I wanted to graduate in 3 years, how will that happen now?" I sobbed in my dad's arms. He just held me and told me that it would all work out and that everything was going to be okay. "How could it be?!" I screamed in my head. Once again, I had made my own plans for my life, and God had "ruined" them.

This was the real fire I was to go through - the real test of faith. Somehow, having a broken leg in a cast for 6-8 weeks wasn't as hard as not being able to work or take the summer classes I thought I would. I guess because I am just so adamant about graduating a year early. I want to SO BADLY. I guess it was and still is hard to accept because I have to accept the fact that sometimes God's plans for my life don't match up with my own. 


I'm feeling a bit better about everything, I know I took it really hard at first because I was already in shock of breaking my leg and getting all these wounds and such. That was already a major change in my summer. To have another major change added right along with it was almost too much. I am going to remind you by saying that I do not have the gift of adaptability; change does not come easily to me. Yet, God is teaching me so much through this, and this is all a huge blessing in disguise, despite what others may think. I'm not saying that I'm glad it happened, but I'm not going to complain. Why should I? I was spared my life! I have another chance to live! Why waste it on words that won't help with anything?

My mom actually got me signed up for an online class for one of the classes I was planning on taking, so I can at least get 3 credits out of the way instead of nothing at all. We also get a refund for the other classes.

I have had 4 visitors at home besides family since being home for two full days. They all have brought me cards, tons of candy (they know me WAY too well), and a little fluffy penguin keychain that I have yet to give a name. [If you are reading this and have an idea for a name, let me know in a comment or something below!] All of this to brag on my friends and say that I have been blessed with the best ones EVER. I cannot even begin to thank all of my friends and family for their encouraging words and concerns and texts asking me how I'm holding up.

All I can say, though, is that I am super blessed beyond measure! Praise God!

My Near-Death Experience

I don't know where to begin. Today has been a life-changing one, and a scary one.

I had just had my first day of working at McAlister's Deli yesterday and my hours this week were surprisingly few, probably because I was a newbie. Anywho, I didn't have work today, so I texted my friend, Matt, and asked him if we could hang out sometime this afternoon. He was all for it and we decided on going four wheeling. 

I got to his house a little after 2:15, and after he got changed, we drove to a pasture about five minutes down the road from his house. There was some sort of storage house where his family stored a lot of stuff, which included the four wheelers. He started them up, and we climbed on them and started on our drive. 

We drove around for a little bit, and then we crossed a bridge over a little creek about 3 inches deep. I followed close behind him for a few seconds. All of a sudden, the edge of the path was right in front of me. My mind froze and I forgot how to brake. Once I remembered, however, it was too late. The machine and I tumbled down 5+ feet down into the creek below. I closed my eyes and braced myself. As I was tumbling down, my thoughts raced. "I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die..."

Suddenly, it was over in a matter of seconds. Sharp pain and throbbing shot up my leg. I opened my eyes and started moaning. My first thoughts were, "I'm alive, I'm conscious... Thank God!" The next thought was "Holy crap, my ankle, my ankle..." It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I couldn't get up. 

I could hear Matt running behind me. "Are you okay? Are you okay?" he yelled frantically. 

"No," I moaned.

"Emergency room?"

"Yes!" The pain was all I could think about. 

Matt gently lifted me up, and carried me to the grassy area on the other side of the creek. He told me to wait there while he went to go get the other four wheeler to take us back up to his car. After he walked away, I grabbed my ankle and opened my eyes again. There was a huge rip in the left knee of my jeans, and several places where blood and the creek water mixed together to make brown spots all over my pants. I slowly lifted up my left pant leg to get a good look at the damage. It was as big as a tennis ball! Not only that, but it was scraped really badly in two places, which made the pain that much worse. I also looked towards other places that hurt: my elbow was badly scraped, my hip was scraped and bruised, and my head had a bad bump. 

Matt reappeared, and started the process of lifting me back up and carrying me over to the four wheeler. He held on to me to make sure I didn't fall off of it while he was driving and injure myself even more. Every second seemed like hours. Finally, we reached his car, and he gently put me in the passenger seat. He got into the car and kept apologizing to me over and over, and would occasionally tell me to lift my head up again so I wouldn't pass out or I wouldn't die if we were to get hit by a car on the way to the emergency room. He assumed full responsibility and called both of our mothers, and told them exactly what happened, keeping calm the whole time, even though I knew that he was super freaked out on the inside. I am amazed at how he kept his cool and knew exactly what to do. I am very thankful for him and know that I'm not the only one who is!!! 

My mom called my phone again, and he answered. She told him to go to the Ozark Orthopedic Emergency place, that she had taken my grandmother when she broke her leg and that it was much quicker than the emergency room at Washington Regional. He got us there, and his mom met up with us there. She got me a wheelchair, and they rolled me inside. The lady at the front desk asked me questions, and I answered them the best I could, still moaning and holding my throbbing ankle. It was so quick, they got me inside immediately, and they didn't hesitate to start working. My parents arrived and came into my room with me. During the process of taking x-rays, the shot, putting iodine on my wounds, and wrapping my leg, my grandparents also came to visit. The pain meds started kicking in, and I felt so much better. People kept asking me if I was thinking okay because I was acting like I wasn't in pain. I definitely was, but pain meds are amazing . . . Plus, the thought and realization of me almost dying kept my spirits up. I didn't feel nauseous at all, which is a total blessing, and as I'm laying here on my couch at home typing this, I am feeling slightly uncomfortable, but the pain is definitely not like it was earlier. The verdict: I fractured my leg right above the ankle; it was a clean break with no jaggedness and it was a straight break, so it didn't need any surgery on it. The healing process will be 6-8 weeks.

Matt and his mom stayed most of the time, my mom had to convince her to leave. Matt stayed the entire time I was there, though. What a trooper! He made sure I was okay the whole way through. He has been such a great friend. 

Since coming home, I've had a lot of time to think (especially since I've been laying on this couch for almost 6 hours now). I could've died today. There have been stories of people being killed from accidents on four wheelers. I really could've had my life taken from me in a split second. Yet, God was there with me watching over me. He protected me from much worse! Sure I have a broken leg, but that's nothing compared to brain damage, or even death. This whole experience has strengthened my faith even more. It also gives me even more purpose to fulfill my calling, which is to go into ministry. God obviously didn't think I needed to go just yet, so for me, this is Him sort of reminding me that I have a purpose in life and that I need to go do it! 

However, I do have some fears - I was going to take a lifetime fitness class this first session to be able to get it transferred over to JBU (so I could possibly graduate in 3 years). I have no idea if I'll be able to do like upper body workouts or if I have to just drop the class entirely. I also don't know if/when I'll be able to work again. Maybe if I just worked the register . . .

I could complain and question God why He let this happen to me. Yet, I know it was partially my own stupidity that caused it to. Even then, I refuse to complain. God protected me from a lot more harm than I could've gotten today, and He will continue to watch over me and help me through this time. He has everything planned out, and everything happens for a reason. He will work all things out for the good, and what is according to His plan. 

Today was scary. Really scary. But it was also a blessing in disguise. 

I am alive and besides a broken leg and some scrapes and bruises, there is nothing else wrong with me. Thank you all for your texts and such; it really means a lot to me. 

All I can say is this: Praise God!!! 

How Beautiful . . .

One of the reasons I gave up Facebook temporarily was to really put effort in my friendships and relationships with others, instead of getting to know them (in a moderately shallow way) over a social network. So far, I've still been keeping in contact with people over text and Skype, but I'm actually talking to people and making a point to see how they're doing and what's been going on in their lives. It's been really good for me so far.

The other day, I was with a few friends at the park, and one of them told me how she had had a dream where she had gotten mad at me for seeming to like what was on my phone more than her. We laughed about it, but then I discovered that she actually had felt like I paid more attention to my phone before I got off of Facebook and what people had to say on there than I cared about what she had to say. Ouch . . . Very convicting. If one of my best friends tells me that, how much more do I not seem to care or pay attention to what my other friends and family have to say? It's no way to treat anyone, let alone a close friend. That's definitely something for me to be working on, right now AND when I get back on Facebook.

I was reading in Ephesians again today, and I'm now just done with chapter 4. The first section of it talks about having unity within the body of Christ, and how we should be building one another up, speaking the truth in love and "growing up" together. I have to check myself and ask myself, "What have I been doing to "build up" the body of Christ? What does that even look like? Is it enough just to say kind things to someone? I don't think so. To me, I feel like in order to build up the body of Christ, it isn't enough just to "talk the talk." Yes, I need to speak truth in love to others, but yet, that's not the only thing that builds up the body of Christ. The word "build" in itself is a verb; it's an action. We need to be actively seeking out ways to help other people and encouraging them in their personal walk with Christ. Even if it's just a call or text every once in a while, asking how that particular person is doing and just listening, or maybe asking how you could pray for them. Sometimes (if they allow it or want you to), a hug is a really simple yet powerful act of love for someone. Never underestimate the power of a seemingly simple deed done with a loving servant's heart.

The other section in chapter 4 of Ephesians discusses our new life in Christ. Even though it's sort of a new topic, in verse 29, it says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." That phrase "building up" is used here again. This is the speaking truth in love that Paul was talking about in the first section (or at least part of it). If it is not used for building each other up and encouraging each other, why speak? This is also convicting for me, because I talk SO much. Even chatting on Skype with a friend of mine tonight, I saw how much I can talk and create conversation with such ease. I have the most random things pop into my head. Which can be a good and a bad thing. I can talk with almost anyone about anything (gotta love being an extrovert), but then again I have to check myself. Is what I'm saying edifying to the other person? What if it's neither edifying or tearing them down? I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have fun and witty conversations about nothing in particular with another person. But am I wasting someone's time by talking about nothing in particular when they could be doing something else that's more worth their time and effort than talking to me? Just some thoughts . . .

If you're reading this, and you talk with me on a regular basis, please check me. If we've been talking for two hours straight about nothing in particular, then it's probably time to either stop talking altogether, or talk about something meaningful. What's something you need prayer for? Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need prayer for something that's going on in your life. I would even love to listen to you if you just need a pair of ears to listen to some troubles (or the happier things God is doing)! I want to be able to help build up the body of Christ. This is a huge way I could be doing that!

It's funny, I just remembered that my friend, Alisha and I are going to be singing the song "How Beautiful" by Twila Paris for our friends' Robbie and Ariel's wedding in the beginning of August. The song talks about how beautiful Christ's body is and because of that, how beautiful the church (the body) of Christ is. The last verse says:

How beautiful, the feet that bring

The sound of good news and the love of the King

How beautiful, the hands that serve

The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth

How beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful is the body of Christ!

It really is a beautiful thing when believers join together in unity and build each other up in the body of Christ!

Ephesians, Nostalgia, and Other Things.

I started my own little study on the book of Ephesians today. We had covered half of the book in my Passion group during fall semester, and of course, my New Testament prof taught on it a bit. I picked up my Bible this morning and the little pink ribbon was marked at Ephesians. Now why it was originally put there to begin with, I have no idea. Anywho, I thought to myself, "Lauren, you should start a little study of your own. Especially because you desperately need it!" So, I picked up my Bible, grabbed my journal, and headed to my front porch, where I sat on one of two rocking chairs for the next 30 minutes or so.

For whatever reason the bookmark was there, I'm sure glad it was. Chapter 1 begins with how we are beyond blessed as believers in Christ. Then it expounds on what those blessings are. First of all, we were chosen by God before the beginning of the world. It was IN LOVE that He chose us. He did so, that we might become holy and blameless before Himself. We are regarded as adopted sons (and daughters) of God! Secondly, He has a purpose and will for us. That fact alone is comforting enough. Additionally, we have been redeemed through Christ's blood, and we have been forgiven of our sins. He lavished the riches of His grace upon us. (That's the word used in my version. Such a great word to use!) He made known to us the mystery of his will. Lastly, when we believe in the word spoken to us, we are given the Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance as children of God until we actually acquire possession of that inheritance.

So many blessings jam-packed into one little section of the entire Bible . . .

I'm glad that my Bible was bookmarked there in Ephesians. Because this passage was exactly what I needed to read. God has a really awesome way of doing things like that. :)

I drove by my house today. No, not the one I currently live in, but my old one. The one where I grew up in. The one full of memories of 2 little girls with no cares in the world. The one where we weren't able to set up a basketball goal because the driveway was too steep. The one where I learned to ride my bike. The one where I got a snow day, and my cousin called me to tell me that her weatherman had lied about them getting any snow. The one where Lindsey and I drew on the driveway with chalk to welcome our dad home for lunch. The one where all the women of the family would come and bake cookies with us two days before Christmas every single year. The one where we had the coolest fish tank, where we would watch the fish eat and have babies. The one where I had constant nightmares. The one where I caused Lindsey to have a few emergency room visits. The one where I recuperated from tonsil-removal surgery. The one where my mom broke her foot. The one where we had an egg hunt every Easter morning. The one where we would fish for plastic fish in our parents' giant whirlpool bathtub with our little PlaySkool fishing rods. The one where I got my first American Girl doll for Christmas. The one where my dad would make us pancakes every Sunday morning and milkshakes every Saturday night.

I drove by that house, and I sat there in front of it for a minute. The woman who currently lives there added a LOT of plants to it. Our house was barren compared to the jungle she had planted. There did happen to be one tree there that we had planted when we were there. It had been a tiny little tree, but now it almost completely covered the walkway to the front door. The large wooden fence is still there. I remember climbing up on the ledge, the middle one, so I could see the world outside of my backyard. It seemed huge and free to me. I'm sure the woman got rid of our cheap swing set in the backyard. I have to wonder what she did to the inside of the house. So many memories there . . .

I had the song "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert stuck in my head as I sat there looking at the place where I grew up. All these memories from when I was little helped make me into the person I am today. They've molded me and changed me. I can remember the good times and bad times spent there. It really was the house that built me.

In other news, I should start work at McAlister's on Monday. I'm going to start my summer classes at NWACC the Tuesday after (because that Monday is Memorial Day). I'm really anxious to start both, but not in the bad way; I just want to start them already! Although, I need to take it nice and easy this week and not rush it, because it's really my last (and almost only) week of freedom I have the entire summer. Oh well, it'll be a good one, for sure.

I'm just going to treasure the spare time I have left this week. I will be spending time with several friends and catching up with some. It's going to be great!

Getting In Line.

This week has been an interesting one for sure. We went to St. Louis for vacation, and we had some really great times. We also had some . . . er, interesting times, to say the least. 

We drove up on Tuesday and got there before dinner. We got settled into the hotel, and then proceeded to start our adventuring. Wednesday, we went to the Botanical Garden (where I wandered through a rose garden - pretty close to heaven), and Thursday we went to the zoo (where we petted stingrays!!!) Friday morning, we went to go see the arch, and that was a really neat experience - it felt like you were almost flying when you looked straight down from the top. Those were all really cool things!

We then decided to go to the city museum, because someone had recommended it to us. We got there, paid for our tickets, and walked through. First of all, the number of sweaty, screaming preteens that were present in the museum at the time we went was enough to scare anyone away. I'm pretty sure there was more than one school there at the time. Looking around, I saw young kids and teenagers alike running loose everywhere, the younger kids screaming, and the teachers/chaperones just stood there watching. It was chaotic. And hot. Secondly, as we walked through, it really wasn't a museum at all. We saw maybe 2 exhibits of the entire thing that were museum-like, with an aquarium inside and a cool little crafty area for kids to make stuff, but it was mostly a kid's indoor playground to run off steam. Lastly, some of the parts of the museum were borderline creepy. A little too creepy for a place for kids. Feeling tired and frustrated that we had wasted our money on this place, we walked back to our car, glad to feel not quite so claustrophobic. 

Someone suggested we go to the old Union Station. We all agreed, so we plugged in the GPS again, and headed in that direction. Just around the corner from where the station was, we were stopped at a light, when we saw an older man running (I say running, it was more like plopping on each foot) through the street, seeming to pay no attention to the cars around him. He had several people swerving around him, including us, and he didn't stop or anything. We looked back after we had gotten past him, and we saw him open a MOVING car's door and hop in. It was really scary, and it freaked me out a lot. Dad came to the conclusion that he was probably on drugs because he didn't seem affected by all the swerving cars around him. I guess I got a good wake up call from being the sheltered homeschooled kid by witnessing something like this for the first time. (Or maybe it's because I've always lived in clean, safe places? Or maybe a combination of both?)

We drove to Union Station and parked the van. Walking inside, there was almost nothing but a few shops and a hotel. We stopped to get some sense of what was all inside when an older man came up to my dad asking for money. This also freaked me out a little, because whenever we had had someone homeless ask us for money, we would always be in a car on the highway exit or something like that. The point was that we were always in our [safe] car. Here, we were exposed. I don't want to say that I didn't feel safe, but I couldn't help but feel that way. After walking around for a few minutes, we walked back to the van and sat inside for a few minutes. Before trying to decide where we were going to eat for dinner, my parents commented on how weird it was that Union Station was like a ghost town compared to what it was even a few years ago. My mom then brought up that it might be because it was in the bad part of town and that people didn't go there anymore because they didn't feel safe being there. As my dad guided the van down the highway, I looked out the window and started thinking. All of a sudden, I didn't feel safe. This was one of the first times where I truly felt unsafe being somewhere on vacation. Another wake-up call.

The next day, we went to shop some more in another area around St. Louis, and my dad tried to use his credit card. It was declined. He had tried to use it earlier that morning but it was also declined. My dad then called the card company, and after several minutes figured out that someone had made an online payment of a small amount using our card number. We realized that someone at one of the restaurants had stolen my dad's credit card number and was using it. If I didn't feel unsafe and homesick for the somewhat safety of NWA, it was then. We had to cut the vacation short and pay our hotel bill early. Which was okay, because all of us really wanted to go home after that. We saw a movie later that night, and then today we saw a cardinals baseball game inside of Busch Stadium (Lindsey and I's first one, actually) and then drove home. Quite a vacation. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun! However, all of us were really excited to go home.

I expounded on this whole trip to say that during this week, I realized just how much more there is to even the United States than Northwest Arkansas. The world is even bigger than that. In my head, I knew that, but I guess I needed to see it for myself to really learn that. 

I also deactivated my Facebook account if you haven't already noticed. Why, you may ask? It's only temporary, but it was for several different reasons:

1. I was on it WAY too much. I was literally checking it every hour. 

2. The News Feed was making me too depressed with my own life. It has made me unsatisfied with my own life with pictures of couples and statuses about getting married or engaged, job changes to say that people were going to be camp counselors at such-and-such camp, etc. Plus a random host of other annoying things that people say. It was becoming an annoyance to me, yet it was still an addiction that I had. So, I had to cut off that hand, so to speak.

3. I'm about to start a job and summer classes. I don't need any more distractions from either, especially since my GPA wasn't as good as I'd like for it to have been this past semester. I need to discipline myself in a lot of ways, and this was one of them. 

4. I need to focus on making REAL friendships and relationships with people. Facebook for me has made it to where I can know everything about a person and yet know absolutely nothing about them. Friendships have become shallow for me because I have based them all on what I know is going on in their life from what I've found on their most recent status update. 

5. I need to get out of this spiritual rut that I'm in. Yes, I'm in one. Until I can get back on the right track in this area of my life, I refuse to get back online.

These are only a few reasons, but I know there are others. I am not claiming to be better than anyone else by "fasting" from Facebook. This is a personal decision that I have made so that I can get some priorities in line and get back on track with some things. So, basically, if you want to know what's going on in my life, read my blog. Or shoot me an email. 

Better yet, give me a call or a text. Let's get real. 

The One About Summer Plans & The Future.

It's been a week since finals ended at JBU. I've had time to process my thoughts and feelings. I've been keeping up with quite a few people since school has gotten out. Facebook has let me know how many people have wonderful summer plans . . . So many people are studying abroad in a foreign country, or are working at a summer camp as counselors, or are getting married. They all have exciting summers. Me? I've got classes at NWACC and a job at McAlister's Deli waiting for me. Which isn't bad at all; I'm very excited! Yet, it seems like a boring summer compared to the adventures that all of my other friends are going to have.

It doesn't have to be that way, though. I can make it exciting if I really try. I'm going to be meeting a plethora of new people because of the classes and the job. Not only that, but I have a chance to share the love of Jesus with all of them! How cool is that? I could help to change someone's life this summer. That in itself is an exciting thought.

It's interesting . . . Not being at school makes me realize that I don't have very many close friends outside of JBU. Sure there are one or two here and there that I would love to hang out with again, but really, JBU is my second home and home to a lot of my friends. Now that they've all left and gone home, I don't have many people to hang out with or anything. Which is fine, I guess. I'll have my job and Western Civ to keep me company. ;)

Even remembering a few months ago what I thought was going to happen this summer has changed. I thought I would for sure have a camp counselor job with CWE. I was really disappointed when I got the "rejection" email. They said they had put me on the alternates list, but I knew better . . . Who would ever want to pass up a camp counselor job? So I knew the answer was ultimately "no." I was very disappointed, but I couldn't wallow in self-pity. I needed a Plan B. Thank goodness I found one and that it worked out!

I think it may have even worked out for the better. It's made me realize that I could possibly graduate in 3 years instead of 4 - if I took classes this summer and next May, June, and July, there is a huge possibility I could graduate in 3 years. I love telling people my new plan and watching their eyebrows raise. It's so funny. I know that a lot of people think I'm crazy for wanting to graduate early; why would I want to leave such a wonderful place like JBU early? Don't I want to live it up during my college years and enjoy myself? Well, yes and no. Yes because it IS a wonderful place - I can't imagine going anywhere else. I love the people there, the campus is beautiful, the profs are amazing teachers. I love everything about it. 

The thing is, I want to graduate early for one huge reason: I have this itch. I have this yearning to go out and do something with my life. I have a passion for people and music, and I want to use those passions to change the world for the kingdom of God. I have a desire to go into ministry. "Then why did you even go to college?" Good question. I had wondered that myself. 

I was talking to a good friend of mine over a cup of coffee at JBU one afternoon. She had gone to college for a while, but hadn't finished her degree. She moved to Fayetteville, got a job, and has been working since. She told me about her desire to do missions, but she had been running into some dead ends because she didn't have a college degree. That surprised me a little . . . Yet, I felt better about my decision to go to college and major in music. 

I also have about a bazillion friends getting married this summer. (Okay, not a bazillion, but really close!) They aren't just older friends of mine - these are friends that are MY age. When did this start happening?! Why do I feel so old? Yet, I feel so young at the same time. Gaaah. Crazy . . .

These are a lot of the thoughts running through my head at the moment . . . Lots of exciting things up ahead. Can't wait to see what God's going to do with my future!

A story.

Not so long ago, in a charming, not-too-small-yet-not-too-large town, there lived a bright-eyed girl of eighteen. She always dreamed of a better and more exciting life outside of her home. She pined to start over with her life, to meet new people, and go on daring adventures. She thought the best way to cure that was the one place all young people go at her age: college. She applied to several different ones, and came to be accepted to the one closest to where she lived. A bit disappointed that she couldn't quite leave home, yet more excited was she to start on this new and exciting adventure. 

Finally, the day arrived when she would orient herself with other students like herself and the campus itself. After a few days, she was cast into this new world of classes, assignments, work loads, and people that she had never known before. "This is much different than I thought it would be!" she thought to herself. After a few weeks, she decided she hated it with a passion. Classes weren't as easy as she had thought and were quickly becoming very frustrating. She hadn't made any solid friends yet, and she felt like she was an outcast. She was an extrovert! Why wasn't she making any friends?! What was wrong with her? Why was she so scared?

Many were the nights when she would come home, tumbling onto her bed - the only solace she seemed to have - and grunted in frustration into her pillow. Why was this so hard? Why didn't she seemed to fit in anywhere? Her mother and father encouraged her and kept telling her to push through this difficult time; she would make friends in due time. Every time, she would smile and simply say, "Okay." But, the next day, she would realize that she still didn't have any good friends, and would fall into the same deep depression. Everything seemed hopeless. "How will I finish out the semester?" she would shout in her head.  

A month or so later, she sat down at a coffee table in the student center. Somehow, three other young people met at the same table, three acquaintances she had met in different places. After a trip to Walmart, the four (along with a random other host of others) were all inseparable. That day was the start of a deep friendship circle. God had answered this young girl's prayer for good friends; He had not forgotten her cries of loneliness. The young girl was thankful.

As the semester drug on, she came across an advertisement for a music contest. She glanced at it, but didn't think too much about it. "How could anyone possibly like what I have to give?" she thought to herself with a low self-confidence that she could never seem to get rid of. Her mother came across the ad herself, and brought it up to her daughter. "Why not?" she questioned. The girl began to produce several silly reasons why she wouldn't be able to try out for the contest. Her mother ignored her daughter's excuses and simply asked, "What have you got to lose? You should be sharing your gifts with others." The girl couldn't come up with an answer; she didn't have anything to lose at all. With that, she promised her mother that she would give it a chance. 

She tried out, and made it! The girl with the low self-esteem slowly but surely grew in her confidence, with this success the first stepping stone. She didn't win the contest, but she didn't care. The experience was enough for her. 

Suddenly, time flew by, and she had made it through her first year at college. She already had to swallow some hard pills, learn some hard lessons, and had to say some hard, tearful goodbyes. Some of those people she wouldn't see again for a long time; others, it would only be a few weeks. 

A full moon shone in its full glory over her small street as she stood on her driveway, gazing at it and reflecting on the past year. No longer was she a scared little freshman - she was a sophomore. She passed all of her classes. She had grown into a confident young woman, with good people around her to support her in everything she did. God had also provided generously for her: He had provided her with the best family and friends, the most wonderful professors and teachers to guide her through her learning, and dreams to pursue. She had a reason for going on and finishing strong. God had given her a purpose in life. He gave her a passion for people and music, and He was going to use her for furthering His kingdom. She closed her eyes, hugged herself, and slowly drew in the sweet, summery air. She had no idea how this big adventure would continue, but she would trust her Heavenly Father with her future and resolved in her mind that she would not be fearful of the things to come. 

This is a true story. This is a story of a girl whose past year was full of big ups and plummeting downs. This is a story of a girl who didn't grow in the way she did all by herself; she had help from the people around her. This is a story of a girl who you know - it's my story. I can only hope that the amazing friends that God has blessed me with realize the significant impact they've made on my life. I can only hope that my family knows that I appreciate them and love them so incredibly much. I can only hope that my professors and teachers one day realize the impact they've made on my learning, that they've taught me so much more than just head knowledge. 

For all of the above, I am truly thankful.